Isn't it a nice feeling to practice and get that inkling you can overcome si and take control? It's like, "woah, I can actually do this." You feel so brave when you can swallow a bit of diluted poison or put a rope against your neck. You're getting one step closer.I had a weird experience with si and drowning before, of course it didnt succeed nor was i intending on it succeeding at the time, but fighting past the point of struggle from the si fighting back is really peaceful. It doesnt really hurt much after the struggle nor does it feel like your drowning, catching my breath after was a pain but again, not as bad as i thought itd be, i really didnt know how i gained the will to be able to get to that point. And no water didnt enter my lungs i purposely done it in a bath and with my tongue to the roof of my mouth and my mouth closed, since i wasnt actually attempting, just curious.
It really made me learn alot about si itself but i hadnt realised it since it wasnt really my goal back then, i wonder if i could achieve the same result through other means. If your wondering why i even attempted doing this in the first place it was a silly reason, a streamer i watched back then (when i was more innocent and didnt have many problems in life) died from drowning and i kind of wanted to replicate what sort of feeling he went through since it made me distraught from hearing the news (i dont deal with death very well even to this day).
Sorry for my random rant anyway, you all habe a nice day
Dont let those thoughts come back to you during a full, it wouldnt be pleasant given theres no real going back from it without external help. I hope you understand 100% about whats going to happen, give yourself all the time you need for this your really brave considering iti can see your situation isnt pleasant either, have you gone on a walk with your own thoughts at all? It might make you more ready for whats about to happen. We all love you on here, just making sure you really are ready and not going with regret
I never watched the streamer while he was alive but I know who you're talking about. That's not a silly reason. Suicide contagion is a well known phenomenon. Sinead kinda made me want to do it all that much more.
Etika's story was a tragic one. People bullied him and accused him of faking a mental breakdown. When he finally passed, people asked what they could do to save his life. People only care when it benefits themselves and their own guilt, and you almost have to kill yourself for you pain to be taken seriously and palpable and real to others. Life is a joke.
And that I can't go back is why I settled on full vs partial. I mean maybe it's not my time but I won't have any regrets when I'm passed because I'll cease consciousness. Plus we all die anyway what's the point in recovering only to pass away in a few more decades
