Hi, I know I've only been on SS for a short amount of time. I've come to the decision after trying, since what feels like forever, to continue living. I have reached the point where I know I'll be depressed for the rest of my life. BPD is such an agonizing thing to go through. It's ruined my life. And I didn't even cause it.
I've organized and cleaned the room I rent. I'll be leaving tonight when it's dark to jump off a parking garage near my new job. It has nothing to do with them, I just know there's not a lot of people and traffic there after a certain time. All I have left to do is finalize the draft of my note, smoke a few more cigarettes, wait for dusk and enter whatever is next.
I'm not sure whether there is an afterlife or if we just go wherever we went before we were born. I wasn't able to find peace in this lifetime, maybe in the next.
I'll be listening to Deathconciousness by Have A Nice Life when I jump. Specially, Bloodhail. The album is my favorite piece of art ever made. Maybe one of you will listen to it and love it even more than I did. That would be the best way to live on in sorta way.
I wish to you all that your pain will ease and that you are able to go on to live a joyful life surrounded by those you love.