i've been suicidal since i was 9 years old.
i struggle socially and i am very lonely, and i have started to accept that that probably won't change. i think i might have undiagnosed autism or something.
i am currently unemployed and living off savings and i have no backup plan for when they run out. i have decided it's better to just spend the last of my money and then finally ctb. i find life painful and tiring and i am sick of trying. i want to just be done and i truly feel this is the best thing for me.
but there is still this instinctive part of me that is afraid of death, afraid of the unknown i guess.
i am not a religious person at all but part of me is also scared that if religion actually is true i'll go to hell for ctb.
i can't stress enough that this is something i truly do want to do, there is just a part of me that's scared. but i am so so incredibly tired and sick of trying to build a life that would be somewhat decent and enjoyable and repeatedly failing.
i struggle socially and i am very lonely, and i have started to accept that that probably won't change. i think i might have undiagnosed autism or something.
i am currently unemployed and living off savings and i have no backup plan for when they run out. i have decided it's better to just spend the last of my money and then finally ctb. i find life painful and tiring and i am sick of trying. i want to just be done and i truly feel this is the best thing for me.
but there is still this instinctive part of me that is afraid of death, afraid of the unknown i guess.
i am not a religious person at all but part of me is also scared that if religion actually is true i'll go to hell for ctb.
i can't stress enough that this is something i truly do want to do, there is just a part of me that's scared. but i am so so incredibly tired and sick of trying to build a life that would be somewhat decent and enjoyable and repeatedly failing.
