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Braindead Atheist

Braindead Atheist

Specialist
Oct 7, 2020
387
I got my SN today and I plan on using it next time things screw up. Life is endless disappointment and I'm really tired of the situation I'm in. I feel a bit guilty that I'm going to do this because I know it will hurt my parents, but at the same time I tried everything to succeed and only get bullied and fired at jobs. I know it's going to happen again. I feel sad that this is what it's come to, but I also gave things plenty of time to work out and I worked my ass off in everything and all I ever got was disappointed. The universe has made it clear to me that success is just for other people, and I'm made to sit back and watch. I'm like a little child and everyone else my age is graduating college, making big money, traveling, getting married and having kids. My jesus freak parents think some higher power has a fucking plan for me. I strongly disagree. I've prayed all my life and tried to explain my situation deeply and never got a response or healing. I stopped believing in god a few years ago and I know when I de there will be no pearly gates regardless of if I'm right or not. I hate life, but I'm so scared to die because it ends in oblivion. I know there's nothing here for me but disappointments and abuse, but I'm so scared of it being over. I've written my ctb letters and have them in google docs, I know a lot of people cared for me, but no one could give me what I needed to be successful and not get abused and fired at every fucking job I took. I really wish the paradise in the sky was real, but reality could never be that good. If I'm wrong about there not being a higher power, I really hope he/she/they will actually take my concerns seriously.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,618
Life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel and it's true that there is no real relief from suffering in this world. It's awful how insensitive humans just make things worse for other people but unfortunately this is just the reality. I could personally never be scared of completely ceasing to exist, to me there is nothing to fear as we simply won't have awareness of anything. I see non existence as being completely ideal but anyway best wishes.
 
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