maplemagician
Member
- May 18, 2026
- 16
Hey guys. I intend to CTB before it's too late.
After multiple mental hospital visits and further disillusionment, my hopelessness and mental deterioration has only gotten worse. I blame myself as well as the institution for misleading me and only contributing towards my mental decline overall.
Now I'm simply on a high dose of rispedal injections because my outpatient psychiatrist has determined me as a lost cause. I postponed my next psychiatric appointment to avoid the next hospital visit because when I get anxious they want to immediately put me away to the ER. They don't care.
I've had a decent life so far overall and I want to advocate for myself and refuse to be treated like an animal. I cannot go on like this.
I am lucky to live alone in a quiet apartment with privacy too with outside support that won't last. I have no resentments towards my family and if I wasn't medicated like this I'd be pained to leave them after everything they've done for me, but I'm a shell of my former self and attempts to get better have been in vain. Another resentment the nurses had towards me as I'm luckier than other patients. Not rich but I have the resources to CTB before it's too late. I can't risk another petty hospital visit and being gaslighted by the staff/psychiatrist again, I postponed my next visit to the 27th and must CTB beforehand to spare myself from the pipeline of mental illness to homelessness/further deterioration. I'd like to CTB on the 26th.
Anyways, I'm going to order SN on Amazon and have an online appointment to try and get some meto. I unfortunately won't be able to get any benzos. I might smoke Indica as it helps calm me down in the past, and I won't have to experience the depression withdrawl if I'm successful godwilling.
Any genuine advice is appreciated. I've lurked on and off and finally made an account recently. I've put a lot of thought into it and dying sooner than later in my case is ideal. I hope others who are suffering find hope and peace or if they must can find a way to CTB with dignity and peace, if it too is the only option for them.
Worried if the meto wont work because of the risperdal injections? From what I've seen online I guess the meto will work anyways for the nausea and I won't have to worry about long term drug interactions side effects as long as my attempt is successful. For my online appointment im going to try to say something like "I'm experiencing nausea and a relative who had same symptoms a year ago had success with meto" hopefully it works! And also getting tums alongside to help? Again, any advice is appreciated especially anyone knowledgeable about successful SN attempts. I'll keep the thread updated
After multiple mental hospital visits and further disillusionment, my hopelessness and mental deterioration has only gotten worse. I blame myself as well as the institution for misleading me and only contributing towards my mental decline overall.
Now I'm simply on a high dose of rispedal injections because my outpatient psychiatrist has determined me as a lost cause. I postponed my next psychiatric appointment to avoid the next hospital visit because when I get anxious they want to immediately put me away to the ER. They don't care.
I've had a decent life so far overall and I want to advocate for myself and refuse to be treated like an animal. I cannot go on like this.
I am lucky to live alone in a quiet apartment with privacy too with outside support that won't last. I have no resentments towards my family and if I wasn't medicated like this I'd be pained to leave them after everything they've done for me, but I'm a shell of my former self and attempts to get better have been in vain. Another resentment the nurses had towards me as I'm luckier than other patients. Not rich but I have the resources to CTB before it's too late. I can't risk another petty hospital visit and being gaslighted by the staff/psychiatrist again, I postponed my next visit to the 27th and must CTB beforehand to spare myself from the pipeline of mental illness to homelessness/further deterioration. I'd like to CTB on the 26th.
Anyways, I'm going to order SN on Amazon and have an online appointment to try and get some meto. I unfortunately won't be able to get any benzos. I might smoke Indica as it helps calm me down in the past, and I won't have to experience the depression withdrawl if I'm successful godwilling.
Any genuine advice is appreciated. I've lurked on and off and finally made an account recently. I've put a lot of thought into it and dying sooner than later in my case is ideal. I hope others who are suffering find hope and peace or if they must can find a way to CTB with dignity and peace, if it too is the only option for them.
Worried if the meto wont work because of the risperdal injections? From what I've seen online I guess the meto will work anyways for the nausea and I won't have to worry about long term drug interactions side effects as long as my attempt is successful. For my online appointment im going to try to say something like "I'm experiencing nausea and a relative who had same symptoms a year ago had success with meto" hopefully it works! And also getting tums alongside to help? Again, any advice is appreciated especially anyone knowledgeable about successful SN attempts. I'll keep the thread updated
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