Help CTB or Psych Ward?

[Major Tom]

Hi, I'm not only researching and planning my CTB but also considering alternatives, like psych ward.

I've never experienced such weird depression with mental breakdowns, numb episodes, and some mania episodes of undefined time and intensity, all accompanied by some kind of depersonalization or dissociation.

That's when youthful death fantasies led to passive suicidal ideation, which then turned into active ones.

I've really considered many things, like all the social and financial impacts of my suicide, and I've accepted them.
I'm so detached that I wouldn't even care if everyone around me were to die!

I've never been to a psychiatrist before because of depression, despite having long MDD episodes in the past.

I'm diagnosed with ADHD and suspecting undiagnosed ASD (Asperger Spectrum Disorder). Also, as an infant, I had a TBI (traumatic brain injury).

The first question:
Am I sane with my CTB plans, or am I going mad?

Second question:
What condition might I have?

And third:
Should I reach out now for a psych ward, despite knowing it won't change my position on my suicide (psych ward risk factors excluded)?

 

[4.I.2.Must.Die]

Maybe even consider antidepressants like sertraline or ADHD medication like Adderall first before you try a psych ward.

 

[Major Tom]

Maybe even consider antidepressants like sertraline or ADHD medication like Adderall first before you try a psych ward.

I had ritalin in my childhood and youth, and waiting for the appointment, but this will get me only the pills I already had, with effects of anxiety.

As a public insured person, I won't have access to a long time psychiatrist any time soon.
So this would take ages again.

I also losing my mind in enduring this farce of a world any days longer, I would do everything, if something would put me to rest.

 

[4.I.2.Must.Die]

I'd really hope they'd give better medication, would give more "ground control to major tom".

 

[Major Tom]

I fear the consequences of this stay, in regard of my medical record to get drugs for CTB, and the long waiting time for the ideal time and circumstances for following CTB. But I think I will let them try to fix me, and if that's not working, then my CTB should be certain.

I have to say it is exhausting to plan the CTB, especially if ur old plans get scrambled.

But I now accept methods that I didn't before, because of the fear i had for them.

But what i fear the most is, that I'll return to my former self and suffer through without the thoughts of CTB.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Sounds like you've been having a hard time lately. In terms of these diagnoses, it would at least be good for you to make sure you get enough of the right type of nutrition. Some people with Asperger's have some risk of developing schizophrenia later in life, and it is probably due to bad lifestyle habits. Focusing on them would even help your well-being more than going to a mental hospital. I believe in it on the grounds that I myself have been in the ward for more than a year, and that in the longer term it is more harmful to health.

 

[Major Tom]

Sounds like you've been having a hard time lately. In terms of these diagnoses, it would at least be good for you to make sure you get enough of the right type of nutrition. Some people with Asperger's have some risk of developing schizophrenia later in life, and it is probably due to bad lifestyle habits. Focusing on them would even help your well-being more than going to a mental hospital. I believe in it on the grounds that I myself have been in the ward for more than a year, and that in the longer term it is more harmful to health.

Sounds like you've been having a hard time lately. In terms of these diagnoses, it would at least be good for you to make sure you get enough of the right type of nutrition. Some people with Asperger's have some risk of developing schizophrenia later in life, and it is probably due to bad lifestyle habits. Focusing on them would even help your well-being more than going to a mental hospital. I believe in it on the grounds that I myself have been in the ward for more than a year, and that in the longer term it is more harmful to health.

I have to admit, that I also cut, hit and starve/fast.

I have tried eating, but it didn't changed much, I only had less headache.

 

[UKscotty]

Only you know if you want to get better or not.

Recovery takes a lot of time and effort and CTB is quick and permanent.

It's hard to know which path to take a lot of the time, I have been on it 25 years.

 

[Major Tom]

Only you know if you want to get better or not.

Recovery takes a lot of time and effort and CTB is quick and permanent.

It's hard to know which path to take a lot of the time, I have been on it 25 years.

Thats makes me want to kill myself so hard. If i had had a gun, i probably wouldn't be here anymore.

 

[UKscotty]

Thats makes me want to kill myself so hard. If i had had a gun, i probably wouldn't be here anymore.

That's not to say all the time the 25 years were bad. I have had some incredible times. Moments with such joy and happiness that makes the bad times worth it.

For me, these pro death people have absolutely zero credibility. Anyone who says all life is terrible but are still here are just trolls.

 

[Major Tom]

I wan't do die now, think i'm manic right now! But don't have the tools right now, except a knife and a car.
Cut myself, should i seek help now?