From one of my favorite movies, Everything Everywhere All At Once:
"Joy: So, what? You're just going to ignore everything else? … Here, all we'll get are a few specks of time where any of this actually makes sense."
Evelyn: Then I will cherish these few specks of time."
The choice is up to you. But aren't those moments worth something? And even through all the shit and the frustration, the pain and heartbreak and depression, there can be beauty in that, too. Finding some relief at the top of that hill, even if it all comes crashing down again, it can make those moments of struggle satisfying in of itself. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
I'm not going to pretend I'm any less suicidal than you. I literally have poison sitting in my closet rn. But I'm holding out for now. The fact that you are too is a struggle worth being proud of yourself for. I hope you can find those moments, no matter how few and far between they are. And if you do choose to die, then I hope you can find peace in that too.