CTB is so hard even after you have acquired all materials and are absolutely sure about doing it

[tpboy]

Yeah I posted about how I plan to 'CTB tomorrow', that was like 2 months ago. I got the SN and it's hard for me to fast, wish I had a gun because then I could just do it the instant I want, rather than try and fast for the night to have a window of opportunity only to chicken out

With all it's issues a gun does have its advantages.

 

[swaraj]

And maybe try to get a therapist.

I have had one for 6 years.

Are you sure you are on the right platform? You sound pro-life-y.

 

[AnonElipso]

I have had one for 6 years.

Are you sure you are on the right platform? You sound pro-life-y.

Im just trying to help. I know. Im sorry. I just wanted to say that it may be an option. Cant think clear sry. Pills destroing my head rn

 

[wagner2029]

I have been backing out of it for months now. And now I'm starting to worry if the final step is too difficult to do.
I have fasted many days in the last few months to prepare to take my SN. Two times I even took the antiemetics and paracetamol but then couldn't move forward.
And it's not about being unsure about my decision. I am absolutely sure mentally, emotionally and physically that it's best for me to CTB.

I'm going through the same situation, I have my CTB ready, next to my bed, I've been postponing it for 2 months, with each passing day I feel less afraid of dying, I already felt a huge terror.
You don't need to be in a hurry, postpone it, maybe something good will happen in your life, if it doesn't, you will feel more calm to do your CTB

 

[LonelyKitten]

Every method has its pros and cons. I have been through the same debate about different methods. It's always the one you don't have access to that you think is the best one. It's just SI veiled as "better methods out there".

This! This so much! Glad to hear someone else say it.
Hits me hard personally, because I'm already a perfectionist about normal stuff, too.

I could've long done it, years ago, via train - about the easiest method in my town. It's messy though, and sucks for others.
So I kept long searching for a "better" method, better circumstances, more experiences to draw from life.
I feel like I've gotten close to the finish line. Just a little bit longer... Hopeful emphasis on "little".

 

[tora]

seriously, survival instinct is the worst. I've been putting off buying a gun for months because once I have it, I won't have any more excuses to put it off. and I know once I have the gun I'll just spend hours staring at it, imagining pulling the trigger but unable to do it. ugh. suicide shouldn't be this hard. my dream situation would be having a suicide partner who would shoot me and then themselves so I wouldn't have to do anything lol

 

[wagner2029]

I think it might be easier in other countries, I spent the equivalent of two months working on a nitrogen cylinder and pressure regulator, meanwhile I researched the price in Germany and it cost only 200 dollars.

seriously, survival instinct is the worst. I've been putting off buying a gun for months because once I have it, I won't have any more excuses to put it off. and I know once I have the gun I'll just spend hours staring at it, imagining pulling the trigger but unable to do it. ugh. suicide shouldn't be this hard. my dream situation would be having a suicide partner who would shoot me and then themselves so I wouldn't have to do anything lol

I'm going through the exact same situation, I have a nitrogen cylinder and the exit bag next to my bed, something makes me postpone, but with time it gets easier, I've been through greater distress, when the time comes I I do, there's no reason to be in a hurry, that's the lie I tell myself every night.

 

[William01]

Can relate totally. I've had SN since after last Xmas. I have the anti sickness stuff and lots of Diazepam, but the SI is hard.

 

[rhiino]

I can also relate to this. I have everything ready for 3 whole years (powdered N) and keep trying to do better, but always come back to wantig to ctb as nothing changes for the better, but gets worse and worse.

Also I am afraid of any distress whatsoever in my last moments, so the taste of N makes me uncomfortable. It is the worst thing I have tasted in my life and possibly even the worst thing you could taste. (Thinking about putting it in a few large capsules. Have to make some experiments with swallowing them fast.)

 

[dggtscccvfd]

the si really be kicking in it's crazy.

first attempt by hanging i was probably a minute away from ctb but i just had to get up. can't describe the feeling.

second attempt with sn i got most of the mixture down, threw up, and couldn't bring myself to take more. somehow has been around 5 months since that attempt and i'm still here even tho i have my bottle of sn in my nightstand drawer.

i need to just GO FOR IT.

How much SN did you get down? It's really surprising that you threw up enough to prevent your CTB.