Ctb in few weeks and feeling sick

[Nirrend]

Hello everyone,

I hope that everyone is doing well

I just wanted to share things because I don't feel good..

I'm feeling sick right now

Stomach, chest pain and headache

I'm feeling absolutely bored and tired, I'm doing nothing from days to days, just staring at my wall and waiting (for what ?, dunno)

I'm really anxious but not only because of SI, I feel so lonely, I'm feeling weak and I'm dizzy for the most of the time

Life is terrible and leading a double life were I swear to my relatives that I will be here, I'll do things with them, and at the same time, leading a secret one where I'm preparing my departure, this is a really disturbing feeling.

Just sharing this because I feel that I need to

I'm sorry because, usually, I love to comment threads and share some love as I can, but the past few days were really hard
I don't have the heart to anything

I don't know what's happening and I can't really believe that soon, I will be dead (but I'll do it anyway)

Loving you, sorry to vent <3

 

[Hope:-)]

Is it sick from nerves? Sending love your way xx

 

[Nirrend]

Is it sick from nerves? Sending love your way xx

I don't know friend ..

Maybe yes, but also because I'm afraid to not be able to ctb for many reasons..

I don't know, I'm really tired

Returning you love too <3

 

[Hope:-)]

I don't know friend ..

Maybe yes, but also because I'm afraid to not be able to ctb for many reasons..

I don't know, I'm really tired

Returning you love too <3

I went through that. I booked a hotel and chickened out. Now I'm contemplating booking again but fear I will do the same. I'm not sure how some people have the resolve to do it.Ahhh why does it have to be so hard eh?xx

 

[Nirrend]

Oh yes, I remember that you booked an hotel

I didn't know that you went into issues, I'm sorry <3

I feel the same, why is dying a hard thing, fuck it

When we read how many people dies on internet, in fact, it's just a belief that dying is easy

I only wish that things will get better for you <3

 

[theboy]

I hope you feel better soon

 

[Nirrend]

Thank you sweet <3

But I don't think so,

from months to months I'm feeling worse

Hope you're fine too <3

 

[SexyIncél]

Yeah. We shouldn't have to go through this. It's a bit surreal & mad that this is our world, and we have the astonishing phenomenon of experiencing "life"... only to have it utterly fucking ruined

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so awful how life makes us suffer so much and I know that it can be dreadful when things just get worse. I do wish that we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and we could be open about our plans to leave. It's unfair how theres so much secrecy involved in planning our deaths. I wish you freedom from all suffering.

 

[Hope:-)]

Oh yes, I remember that you booked an hotel

I didn't know that you went into issues, I'm sorry <3

I feel the same, why is dying a hard thing, fuck it

When we read how many people dies on internet, in fact, it's just a belief that dying is easy

I only wish that things will get better for you <3

Wishing the same for you. I think being prepared is helpful. I haven't been very well prepared so far so improving that will help. I feel like I'm getting closer to doing it though so that's something.x

 

[anxiety cat]

Love you my sweet friend I'm here for you

 

[Hollowillow]

I'm sick too. Reactive hypoglycemia. Anemia. Now a damn reaction to a home made acid cleaner. I hope you'll figure it out. I lost my battle with the cleaner... Can't be removed... Fuck.

 

[Nirrend]

Love you my sweet friend I'm here for you

<3

I'm sick too. Reactive hypoglycemia. Anemia. Now a damn reaction to a home made acid cleaner. I hope you'll figure it out. I lost my battle with the cleaner... Can't be removed... Fuck.

I wish you that things will get better <3

 

[Hope:-)]

Yup. It's very hard. How are you doing? xx

 

[Nirrend]

Hmm, I would say, I'm fluctuating

Some days there's a lot of SI, anxiety and I don't want to. Then, during other days, I'm loosing all of my hopes and I'm just sure that ctb is the right decision and somedays like today, I just feel nothing, I'm totally empty (no pain, no anxiety, not ctb desire) and I'm jsut living the current moment without asking a question except "Is my mood normal ?"

And you @Hope:-), how do you felt during these past few days ? Is there SI ? Are you enough desesperate to consider ctb as the only way to find happiness ?

Sending you love <3

 

[Hope:-)]

Hmm, I would say, I'm fluctuating

Some days there's a lot of SI, anxiety and I don't want to. Then, during other days, I'm loosing all of my hopes and I'm just sure that ctb is the right decision and somedays like today, I just feel nothing, I'm totally empty (no pain, no anxiety, not ctb desire) and I'm jsut living the current moment without asking a question except "Is my mood normal ?"

And you @Hope:-), how do you felt during these past few days ? Is there SI ? Are you enough desesperate to consider ctb as the only way to find happiness ?

Sending you love <3

Thanks. Yes, I know it's what's right for me. I would love a partner though. It's hard, but I'm trying to be strong xxx

 

[brokensea]

Hello everyone,

I hope that everyone is doing well

I just wanted to share things because I don't feel good..

I'm feeling sick right now

Stomach, chest pain and headache

I'm feeling absolutely bored and tired, I'm doing nothing from days to days, just staring at my wall and waiting (for what ?, dunno)

I'm really anxious but not only because of SI, I feel so lonely, I'm feeling weak and I'm dizzy for the most of the time

Life is terrible and leading a double life were I swear to my relatives that I will be here, I'll do things with them, and at the same time, leading a secret one where I'm preparing my departure, this is a really disturbing feeling.

Just sharing this because I feel that I need to

I'm sorry because, usually, I love to comment threads and share some love as I can, but the past few days were really hard
I don't have the heart to anything

I don't know what's happening and I can't really believe that soon, I will be dead (but I'll do it anyway)

Loving you, sorry to vent <3

I suffer from so many physical ailments. Exhaustion, stomach aches, headaches, dizziness. I think it's just the depression in my case for sure. Feel like I'm physically sick and dying for some reason. Doing anything is so hard. I am always physically unwell for medically unexplainable reasons.

 

[quailque]

Life is terrible and leading a double life were I swear to my relatives that I will be here, I'll do things with them, and at the same time, leading a secret one where I'm preparing my departure, this is a really disturbing feeling.

I've had to deal with this feeling a lot lately and I'm so sorry you are too. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them so I wouldn't have to make so many empty promises.

Maybe this is selfish but I wish they'd support my choices as well, but I know that's the last thing anyone would do.

 

[Nirrend]

I suffer from so many physical ailments. Exhaustion, stomach aches, headaches, dizziness. I think it's just the depression in my case for sure. Feel like I'm physically sick and dying for some reason. Doing anything is so hard. I am always physically unwell for medically unexplainable reasons.

I understand, I'm so sorry @brokensea ..

You deserve love like anyone here, time and life can be awful afterall.. but that's the game

Sending you love and wishing you the best <3

I've had to deal with this feeling a lot lately and I'm so sorry you are too. Sometimes I wish I could just tell them so I wouldn't have to make so many empty promises.

Maybe this is selfish but I wish they'd support my choices as well, but I know that's the last thing anyone would do.

Oh yes, if they could support us in our choices, what a relief that could be !

But I understand, I'm honestly hoping to find someone or, people here in my last moments who could eventually consider me as a friend.

Living and dying alone is at least really sad. I'm ashamed to feel that even in the end there will be nobody.

Anyway, like you've said, we can't tell our plans, we will bring them in our graves and people will regret.. I feel bad but I guess that there's no other choices..

Sending you love <3

Thanks. Yes, I know it's what's right for me. I would love a partner though. It's hard, but I'm trying to be strong xxx

Yes, I would love to but, I know that I'm not gonna be a reliable one. In fact, just spending my last moments with a truted one member here, or with a close friend, I gues that would help to do it.

But, I haven"t money to travel, I'm scared to wake up alive and not my partner.

I guess that chat or video call could be a good thing

But who will want to spend time with me if I'm a non reliable fucker..

In my case, I would've love to spend time with you in your last moments @Hope:-), but I don't feel able to fulfill your expectations.. I'm sorry. Don't know how I could help if I really can

May I ask you when you plan to go and how you'll do it ?

Are you under mood fluctuation too ? Like one day you could and the other you couldn't do it ?

Loving you <3

 

[makethepainstop]

Hello everyone,

I hope that everyone is doing well

I just wanted to share things because I don't feel good..

I'm feeling sick right now

Stomach, chest pain and headache

I'm feeling absolutely bored and tired, I'm doing nothing from days to days, just staring at my wall and waiting (for what ?, dunno)

I'm really anxious but not only because of SI, I feel so lonely, I'm feeling weak and I'm dizzy for the most of the time

Life is terrible and leading a double life were I swear to my relatives that I will be here, I'll do things with them, and at the same time, leading a secret one where I'm preparing my departure, this is a really disturbing feeling.

Just sharing this because I feel that I need to

I'm sorry because, usually, I love to comment threads and share some love as I can, but the past few days were really hard
I don't have the heart to anything

I don't know what's happening and I can't really believe that soon, I will be dead (but I'll do it anyway)

Loving you, sorry to vent <3

Feeling sick about it??!!! Not this boy, I am positively giddy with anticipation of my finally being able to ctb!

 

[Hope:-)]

How are you feeling now? x

 

[Nirrend]

How are you feeling now? x

Me ? If yes

I alternate everyday between being anxious and not believing what I actually will do and being calm and at peace with my choice.

I mean, I can let myself being invaded by SI if my brain want to but the reality is that I've no more hope in life. I'm just struggling everyday to make it at least just to live the day after.

And remembering that I'm done make me calm down against SI and make me realise that I can do it.

And you ? Have you SI kicking in right now ? DO you feel confident ?

 

[Hollowillow]

Sorry about my last post my brain was too on fire... My SI can make me aggessive & selfish.

I have social phobia to the point of having a hard time with PM, but you can pm me. I'm a bedridden lonely person. I'd like to zoom but my english might be bad, I might have a freak out moment from pain flare up, and my skin is peeling off grom the chemical. So I look like a corpse. If it was a mean to zoom with sexy ladies, you'll get turned of fast I'm sure you're sincere like me.

I use B vitamins for energy. C and magnesium to calm... Very effective because the body needs it for vital function & to renew cells.

Pure agony otherwise.

Drugs don't work on me, I only get side effects... but nutrition gives me zero side effects.

What happened to you? Tell me by pm? I might not see it, I can't handle alerts and chat functions. Hm... I:ll pm.you.

 

[Nirrend]

Sorry about my last post my brain was too on fire... My SI can make me aggessive & selfish.

I have social phobia to the point of having a hard time with PM, but you can pm me. I'm a bedridden lonely person. I'd like to zoom but my english might be bad, I might have a freak out moment from pain flare up, and my skin is peeling off grom the chemical. So I look like a corpse. If it was a mean to zoom with sexy ladies, you'll get turned of fast I'm sure you're sincere like me.

I use B vitamins for energy. C and magnesium to calm... Very effective because the body needs it for vital function & to renew cells.

Pure agony otherwise.

Drugs don't work on me, I only get side effects... but nutrition gives me zero side effects.

What happened to you? Tell me by pm? I might not see it, I can't handle alerts and chat functions. Hm... I:ll pm.you.

Not a problem friend, I know that the pain we live everyday can make us sometimes angry and aggressive even if we're not really like that <3

Love <3

 

[Hollowillow]

Not a problem friend, I know that the pain we live everyday can make us sometimes angry and aggressive even if we're not really like that <3

Love <3

Oh I'm worse than that, but I don't want to be mean twards you. You suffered enough *hugs*

 

[Nirrend]

Oh I'm worse than that, but I don't want to be mean twards you. You suffered enough *hugs*

You're not, don't be rude with you <3

Look in your PM, the coincidence was that we sent PM to each other at the same time x)

So we'd opened 2 PM chat

Waiting for you there !

 

[Hope:-)]

Me ? If yes

I alternate everyday between being anxious and not believing what I actually will do and being calm and at peace with my choice.

I mean, I can let myself being invaded by SI if my brain want to but the reality is that I've no more hope in life. I'm just struggling everyday to make it at least just to live the day after.

And remembering that I'm done make me calm down against SI and make me realise that I can do it.

And you ? Have you SI kicking in right now ? DO you feel confident ?

Pretty much feeling the same. Mostly right now I'm feeling lonely. I'm definitely very anxious about the pain but I'm hoping the benzos will calm me down. I just wish I was braver. I have no desire to live this life so I don't have SI in that respect. I just have fear of the pain really. I'm not very scared of death. Hope we can both end up feeling better somehow. x

 

[Hollowillow]

You're not, don't be rude with you <3

Look in your PM, the coincidence was that we sent PM to each other at the same time x)

So we'd opened 2 PM chat

Waiting for you there !

Hope we can talk causally soon

Pretty much feeling the same. Mostly right now I'm feeling lonely. I'm definitely very anxious about the pain but I'm hoping the benzos will calm me down. I just wish I was braver. I have no desire to live this life so I don't have SI in that respect. I just have fear of the pain really. I'm not very scared of death. Hope we can both end up feeling better somehow. x

You sound tormented in spite of your hopeful name, I hope you'll find inner peace soon.

Pretty much feeling the same. Mostly right now I'm feeling lonely. I'm definitely very anxious about the pain but I'm hoping the benzos will calm me down. I just wish I was braver. I have no desire to live this life so I don't have SI in that respect. I just have fear of the pain really. I'm not very scared of death. Hope we can both end up feeling better somehow. x

You sound tormented in spite of your hopeful name, I hope you'll find inner peace soon.

 

[Nirrend]

Pretty much feeling the same. Mostly right now I'm feeling lonely. I'm definitely very anxious about the pain but I'm hoping the benzos will calm me down. I just wish I was braver. I have no desire to live this life so I don't have SI in that respect. I just have fear of the pain really. I'm not very scared of death. Hope we can both end up feeling better somehow. x

Of course, I hope for us too <3