ctb deadline update! (positive) 💗

[immolation]

i made a post a few months ago about my ctb plan. basically, killing myself on april 19th if i couldnt make my life worth living. and i think i did it? or im at least on track to doing it? i kind of wasted the last 2 months rotting in my depression, but im motivated now to really make an effort ! im keeping the april 19th deadline for now, but if i manage to make progress i'll extend it.

im unemployed right now, with no drivers license, or real friends, or even a hobby. so i made some small reasonable goals. if i decide not to kill myself, my long term goal is to move to thailand and go to chiang mai university, and eventually become a paramedic when i get citizenship.

by summer i want to:
-get a learners permit
-get a part time job
-get to level A2 in thai
-make 2 friends

i do still want to ctb sometimes. this all feels like a disproportionate amount of work for how little i enjoy being alive, especially considering im diagnosed with autism and bipolar 1, so my life expectancy isn't great anyway. i think realistically I'll end up killing myself when I'm 27. i cant really imagine anything fulfilling for myself after that age. but im optimistic for now at least? i don't feel fully done with life yet, so i might as well stay until i do.

 

[Kayla]

wishing you the best!!

 

[SASU-KE]

Proud of you TS,glad you're trying so hard.

 

[R-7]

I wish you all the best.

Although I am simply a stranger on the internet I am proud to see someone making some positive progress :)

 

[Wolff603]

Yo this is goated, good luck on fulfilling your goals bro. Nothing but the best.

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I wish you the best