Cry Room Megathread

[lostmyonlylove]

I want to ctb so badly. I can't find a reliable, active source of SN, and I'm too afraid to hang myself or jump off the cliffs or bridge nearby. I am so distraught and depressed after losing the love of my life. Even though I decided to go into no contact immediately , it pains me greatly to know that she's, most likely, extremely happy to leave me since she hasn't reached out to me once after we last saw each other in person. I now see my failings and flaws, and I absolutely despise myself for it. I can't forgive myself and the only true solution to make peace and avoid this painful future/timeline is to take myself out of this life

 

[Un-]

I need to use my own thread for a bit. Heh. Y'know, the only thing I'm proud of is that I discovered who I am. A loser. For starters, I have the world "LOSEr" permanently on me. Someone I loved, and thought loved me, got on with another guy. And I still love her, and she knows it and abuses it. She knows she's my only friend. Shit grades in school. No friends. Virgin. No interests. No hobbies. I'm hated everywhere I go. I have horrible social skills, missing even the most basic of social cues.

I told Powow this, but I remember how I always used to cry in preschool at the beginning of the year. I remember how up until and including high school, the only way I made friends was through a teacher.

Home life is awful as well. Religious pressures everywhere, even though I'm an atheist. My sister doesn't talk to me. I rarely see my mother. The same mother that disowned me, and told me she can't wait for the day I move out of her life. The same mother that physically abused me when I was younger. What about my dad? Well, the memes are true about the dad's of black negros. I never see him. We talk, but it's always about how he wishes I'd study to become a doctor, instead of doing computer science. He's constantly disappointed in me. I'm sure he tells my step brother to never be like me. I can't blame him. I don't even know my father's first name.

I just.. I can't do this anymore. My entire grade, right now, is at a party. Enjoying themselves. The entire grade, and I wasn't invited. It was the same thing for prom. I was at home during prom, because I couldn't find a date. No. I couldn't find it in me to expose myself, and ask to with someone. I know for absolute certainty that I'm not attractive; that I'm just an awful person. Inside, and outside. It's why I'm stuck with my ex. She bullies me a lot for being a bitch - she calls me a bitch a lot. I don't blame her. I'm not worth anything at all. I'm always going to be a loser.

It's nearly a comedy how much I've failed at life. I'm only 18. A lot of people have told me I have a shot at life; I'm so young. I don't know what to say to them. I don't know how to tell them that I'm tired of everything. I've been tired since I was 14. I don't want a shot at life. I just want to be dead.

Looking at my life, it's just downhill. I know it's gonna be downhill, because I exude the exact same attitudes and everything as a lot of people on this damn forum. It's not gonna get better.

I feel like crying. I've been crying a lot recently. 4 years of nothing, but in september I cried twice. I think my body knows I'm gonna die, without reaching the age of 20. Heh.. I'm such a loser.

 

[rainbowbright]

I cried alot last night at the thought of work on Sunday, I've had an absolute feeling of dreading about going in for the past 4 months, gotten myself into debt now because I don't get sick pay and I just haven't been able to go in. I enjoy my job so it's confusing as hell why I'm feeling like this! I literally don't want to leave my home anymore

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I need to use my own thread for a bit. Heh. Y'know, the only thing I'm proud of is that I discovered who I am. A loser. For starters, I have the world "LOSEr" permanently on me. Someone I loved, and thought loved me, got on with another guy. And I still love her, and she knows it and abuses it. She knows she's my only friend. Shit grades in school. No friends. Virgin. No interests. No hobbies. I'm hated everywhere I go. I have horrible social skills, missing even the most basic of social cues.

I told Powow this, but I remember how I always used to cry in preschool at the beginning of the year. I remember how up until and including high school, the only way I made friends was through a teacher.

Home life is awful as well. Religious pressures everywhere, even though I'm an atheist. My sister doesn't talk to me. I rarely see my mother. The same mother that disowned me, and told me she can't wait for the day I move out of her life. The same mother that physically abused me when I was younger. What about my dad? Well, the memes are true about the dad's of black negros. I never see him. We talk, but it's always about how he wishes I'd study to become a doctor, instead of doing computer science. He's constantly disappointed in me. I'm sure he tells my step brother to never be like me. I can't blame him. I don't even know my father's first name.

I just.. I can't do this anymore. My entire grade, right now, is at a party. Enjoying themselves. The entire grade, and I wasn't invited. It was the same thing for prom. I was at home during prom, because I couldn't find a date. No. I couldn't find it in me to expose myself, and ask to with someone. I know for absolute certainty that I'm not attractive; that I'm just an awful person. Inside, and outside. It's why I'm stuck with my ex. She bullies me a lot for being a bitch - she calls me a bitch a lot. I don't blame her. I'm not worth anything at all. I'm always going to be a loser.

It's nearly a comedy how much I've failed at life. I'm only 18. A lot of people have told me I have a shot at life; I'm so young. I don't know what to say to them. I don't know how to tell them that I'm tired of everything. I've been tired since I was 14. I don't want a shot at life. I just want to be dead.

Looking at my life, it's just downhill. I know it's gonna be downhill, because I exude the exact same attitudes and everything as a lot of people on this damn forum. It's not gonna get better.

I feel like crying. I've been crying a lot recently. 4 years of nothing, but in september I cried twice. I think my body knows I'm gonna die, without reaching the age of 20. Heh.. I'm such a loser.

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this Un. You don't deserve any of it. I wish I had more to say and more to offer you. I've been crying too often lately. If you need to cry, let it out.

 

[Un-]

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this Un. You don't deserve any of it. I wish I had more to say and more to offer you. I've been crying too often lately. If you need to cry, let it out.

No one in this thread deserves what they're going through. It's devastating..

 

[Hollowillow]

I need to use my own thread for a bit. Heh. Y'know, the only thing I'm proud of is that I discovered who I am. A loser. For starters, I have the world "LOSEr" permanently on me. Someone I loved, and thought loved me, got on with another guy. And I still love her, and she knows it and abuses it. She knows she's my only friend. Shit grades in school. No friends. Virgin. No interests. No hobbies. I'm hated everywhere I go. I have horrible social skills, missing even the most basic of social cues.

I told Powow this, but I remember how I always used to cry in preschool at the beginning of the year. I remember how up until and including high school, the only way I made friends was through a teacher.

Home life is awful as well. Religious pressures everywhere, even though I'm an atheist. My sister doesn't talk to me. I rarely see my mother. The same mother that disowned me, and told me she can't wait for the day I move out of her life. The same mother that physically abused me when I was younger. What about my dad? Well, the memes are true about the dad's of black negros. I never see him. We talk, but it's always about how he wishes I'd study to become a doctor, instead of doing computer science. He's constantly disappointed in me. I'm sure he tells my step brother to never be like me. I can't blame him. I don't even know my father's first name.

I just.. I can't do this anymore. My entire grade, right now, is at a party. Enjoying themselves. The entire grade, and I wasn't invited. It was the same thing for prom. I was at home during prom, because I couldn't find a date. No. I couldn't find it in me to expose myself, and ask to with someone. I know for absolute certainty that I'm not attractive; that I'm just an awful person. Inside, and outside. It's why I'm stuck with my ex. She bullies me a lot for being a bitch - she calls me a bitch a lot. I don't blame her. I'm not worth anything at all. I'm always going to be a loser.

It's nearly a comedy how much I've failed at life. I'm only 18. A lot of people have told me I have a shot at life; I'm so young. I don't know what to say to them. I don't know how to tell them that I'm tired of everything. I've been tired since I was 14. I don't want a shot at life. I just want to be dead.

Looking at my life, it's just downhill. I know it's gonna be downhill, because I exude the exact same attitudes and everything as a lot of people on this damn forum. It's not gonna get better.

I feel like crying. I've been crying a lot recently. 4 years of nothing, but in september I cried twice. I think my body knows I'm gonna die, without reaching the age of 20. Heh.. I'm such a loser.

LOSE heR

Reach for someone better. Everyone grieve at some point, everyone is ugly in their own way. Be kind to you. And your couch.

I cried alot last night at the thought of work on Sunday, I've had an absolute feeling of dreading about going in for the past 4 months, gotten myself into debt now because I don't get sick pay and I just haven't been able to go in. I enjoy my job so it's confusing as hell why I'm feeling like this! I literally don't want to leave my home anymore

If you can't get sick day and must work burned out... Even disney land would be torture when exausted. Eww... Take me to mount fuji in japan or some water that looks like colorful jewels

 

[WhatPowerIs]

No one in this thread deserves what they're going through. It's devastating..

Yes, and to tell you the truth, even reading your own post made me cry. I originally intended a longer response, as I kept reading, I saw a lot of what I read related to my experiences too and my childhood. God what a sick world!! Why does it have to be like this, I don't understand…

 

[Un-]

LOSE heR

Reach for someone better. Everyone grieve at some point, everyone is ugly in their own way. Be kind to you. And your couch.

She's all I have. She's not all bad.. Even if she was bad, I deserve it. She's way out of my league.. I'm the type of person that's never supposed to get the slightest attention of anyone... Pathetic..

 

[Hollowillow]

No one in this thread deserves what they're going through. It's devastating..

I created my doom... Home made cleaners... I think I created acid solvent. Melted my acrylic bath. Evaporates in my mouth when I tale a shower. Burns. Allergic reaction. Swollen tongue strangling me... Landlird refused to help. Doctors calls me crazy. Psychiatrist say I just lie for attention.

I'm in so much pain. My progress from the car accident vanished. Brain is fucked. Agoraphobia. Mean useless social worker & can't change

I cried a bit today. Had to stop. The acid tears burned to death.

It breaks my heart to see us bully each other, call pro lifers, troll, fear mongers... The people who need to be warned of danger to prepare... Or need to warn to protect.

The last thing I want is the terror of a badly prepared plan that goes wrong. Paralyzis & brain damage isn't fun. Denial won't save us from being at the mercy of monsters if we cripple ourselves hoping for the best unprepared.

I wish I could hang right now. Or reply my pm right now...

I'm scared of being hurt by the people I love most... Scared to hurt them... No heart to give... Just OCD on posts to try to occupy my mind...

I'm a loser... Maybe one of my friend died and I missed my chance to say goodbye by pm.

I'm scared of life...

She's all I have. She's not all bad.. Even if she was bad, I deserve it. She's way out of my league.. I'm the type of person that's never supposed to get the slightest attention of anyone... Pathetic..

I bet she's a narcissist who crushed you into zero self esteem, which is probably the most important stuff to dare to go out & meet new people.

You have you. You have us. She's a blood sucking ... Bed bug. She doesn't even do the bed part. But it's the affection & fruendship part that matters... If you truly had it, you wouldn't geel destroyed.

She's a soul crusher.

 

[Un-]

I'm scared of life...

I think we all are.. I'm so sorry. I know that fear.. I'm feeling it right now. I could cry..

She's a soul crusher.

I think I made her sound worse than she is.. She's my best friend. But, even if she was the worst person in the world, I have no reason to try.. Find someone better. For one, I'm never gonna find someone better. And for two.. It doesn't make a difference..

Thank you for.. Trying to help.. I appreciate it really. I'm sorry for being so resistant and.. Heh, a loser.

 

[Hollowillow]

I think we all are.. I'm so sorry. I know that fear.. I'm feeling it right now. I could cry..


I think I made her sound worse than she is.. She's my best friend. But, even if she was the worst person in the world to, I have no reason to try.. Find someone better. For one, I'm never gonna find someone better. And for two.. It doesn't make a difference..

Thank you for.. Trying to help.. I appreciate it really. I'm sorry for being so resistant and.. Heh, a loser.

You're a pretty potato, smash potato, tasty potato.

When I fuck up I tell myself I'm a potato. I smile and feel less bad.

Loser implies doomed to eternal grief...

That's too much despair... but I feel it now. *Hugs*

 

[help56]

I just want my boyfriend back. He's the most perfect person ever, I can't even love anyone else... I just want him back...

Do you want to chat ? I got dumped . I can't recover

 

[help56]

I just want my boyfriend back. He's the most perfect person ever, I can't even love anyone else... I just want him back...

Hi going through same

 

[Spyro24]

I lost my best friend... someone I love very much. Just yesterday she said some really mean and disrespectful things about me... I want to cry but I've got no tears left to cry. Just endless pain and suffering

 

[help56]

I lost my best friend... someone I love very much. Just yesterday she said some really mean and disrespectful things about me... I want to cry but I've got no tears left to cry. Just endless pain and suffering

Really sorry
I wanted to check if anyone here can help me cope. I suppose no one can do that except myself

 

[damaged_soul]

I don't have the energy for crying, I haven't cried in a long time. It sounds tiring. Everything in life makes me feel more tired. Not even sleep would bring me relief from the tiredness that I feel.

Oh man I feel that in my soul. Sleep used to be the only thing that felt good to me, but now I can't even have that since I have been having severe sleep issues and insomnia lately. Just goes to show that suicide is the only way I can find peace.

I lost my best friend... someone I love very much. Just yesterday she said some really mean and disrespectful things about me... I want to cry but I've got no tears left to cry. Just endless pain and suffering

This really resonates with me, as I was abused by my best friend. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk :)
I cry because I was really counting on killing myself last summer, to the point where I literally made no preparations for the future. Now I'm stuck regretting the consequences of my actions every day. I'm so woefully unprepared for life.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm crying as I'm begging for drugs but my dad is saying no. I have had suicidal thoughts and insomnia since 4AM, and took just a little bit of the weed I had left and now just feel agitated. I need more weed to feel less agitated. I just can't get through the day without weed.

I want this torture over so badly. I have told everyone that's what I want.

I don't have friends left, a job, any reason for living. Just being disabled and incapacitated and tortured by depression.

 

[UnlimitedPain]

I go through phases but for long time I never cried maybe 20 plus years then the last 2 have varied, was on a dry spell.

But today I cried cause I found a forum which was comforting and for moment didn't make me feel has alone. So my cold dead numb heart of the loser I am felt something for a moment again

 

[Un-]

I go through phases but for long time I never cried maybe 20 plus years then the last 2 have varied, was on a dry spell.

But today I cried cause I found a forum which was comforting and for moment didn't make me feel has alone. So my cold dead numb heart of the loser I am felt something for a moment again

You're loved here. As much as people deny it, we're a gigantic family. I wish you the strength to conquer mountains, friend.

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

I'm crying because I feel so STUCK. I know what I want (death) but it is virtually impossible. I don't want money or a car or a partner or pets. I don't want fame or to travel or to help people…though if I could help suicidal people to go peacefully, that'd be pretty cool. I don't really care how my death will affect anyone else. I just want to POOF! Gone. But it's impossible! Just STUCK! There's not a thing I can do about it. N and now SN are not available. I could've bled out but I didn't even give it a proper chance. I don't want to be a physical living organism ANYMORE. I don't want to have to pretend to give a shit about this physical world and all the living organisms in it. Ppl say Life is short but it is SO LONG! I don't want to be a wage slave for 50-60 years or however fucking long it will take to die "naturally". OF COURSE I don't want to endure intense pain or panic just to stop this dumb ass heart but I frequently imagine being involved in or inciting extra violent situations. I could rant all day, but nothing is going to turn this all off. JUST TURN IT OFF!!!!!!! (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

 

[makethepainstop]

You're loved here. As much as people deny it, we're a gigantic family. I wish you the strength to conquer mountains, friend.

Yes I suppose we are like family. Best of all we are all here because we are all able to speak our minds without fear of scaring normals who would demand we be committed to the nearest available mental hospital post haste! Like many families we are united by one glorious desire, to end our wretched existances. Much love to all my bros and sisters here.

 

[Un-]

Yes I suppose we are like family. Best of all we are all here because we are all able to speak our minds without fear of scaring normals who would demand we be committed to the nearest available mental hospital post haste! Like many families we are united by one glorious desire, to end our wretched existances. Much love to all my bros and sisters here.

To play devil's advocate, there are more places than this where we can say "I want to kill myself". And no one here encourages it, too. I don't think that's what makes this place special. I don't know what does.. But it's something that's not replicated anywhere else.. I think it's that beautiful something that unites us.

 

[help56]

I cry about my useless life , heartbreak feeling lost and not knowing what to do

 

[SamTam33]

Because no one will hire me. I have two degrees, a licensed certification and about 10 years experience in my field. I don't knock it out the park, but I give a pretty good interview.

I think I'm a decent communicator, especially in written form. I give thoughtful answers to the interview questions. Even the wacky ones like, "What's your favorite dinosaur?"

I'm definitely on the unattractive side, but I clean up very well (years and years of practice and youtube makeup tutorials).

I have no restrictions on my time. I'm always available. I don't mind working beyond the perimeters of my job description. That's where I'm most comfortable, tbh: going above and beyond what's expected of me.

I'm endlessly curious. I love learning processes from the ground up. I would bend over backwards to make my managers look good. I'm genuinely interested in the vision and goals of the company/department. And I want nothing more than to help them achieve it.

I put everything into my work because I literally have nothing else to occupy my time.

I can't sleep so it's not uncommon for me to wake up at 3AM and answer emails or work on a presentation.

I hate saying, "I don't know," so you can rest assured that I will uncover the answer to anything that's thrown my way.

I'm the employee that will create a How To document if one doesn't exist. I'm the person who will offer to stay late and help you finish your project. I love helping people because I remember all the times when no one helped me. I want to save someone from experiencing that.

I stay to myself and keep my head down. I'm friendly with everyone (not FRIENDS WITH), but friendly.

I avoid office politics like the plague. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of work-from-home jobs posted in my field. I've applied to over 210 (93 in October alone) and no one will choose me.

I quit my previous job with the intention of finding a remote position or killing myself. Those are my only two options.

I've done everything to try and find employment. I stopped identifying my race and gender on the applications and I received triple the inquiries than before...

But as soon as we get on the phone or on a video call- they can see what I am.

I cry because I know I'd make a valuable employee, yet no one will give me a chance.

 

[Unlucked]

I think I've consistently cried everyday for the past 7 years, it's usually accompanied with panic attacks and feeling severe heart pain and waves of anguish and sadness washing over me and over until it finally stops. I think my nervous system is screwed up due to my ptsd. Sometimes it feels like I'm reliving something horrible or being touched in bad places like phantom touches and I can feel this horrible sense of shame while my heart flutters with anxiety nonstop.

They took away my benzos so I can't make it stop I just sit through it until my body stops activating my stress response. Emdr can make it stop but during an episode but I don't have anyone to administer it everytime it comes on so.

When trauma fucks up your nervous system what can you do right? It's already imprinted.

 

[willitpass]

i haven't cried in months. i desperately need and want to. i've tried everything. i've desensitized myself to sad music, even the most suicidal and heartbreaking songs don't make me feel anything. even losing all of my savings and having to make a massive purchase that emptied out my savings that i was going to use to help my family after i ctb did nothing to help me cry. i've tried looking at stories of children dying of cancer, which usually is enough to cause me to sob, yet i just felt deep sadness with no tears. i desperately want to cry. a long, hard cry. but i have gone numb. nothing makes me cry anymore. i wish i could

 

[Starryeyes]

The other day when I saw how soft, kind and loving my friends mum was with her.

 

[Rounded Agony]

Because no one will hire me. I have two degrees, a licensed certification and about 10 years experience in my field. I don't knock it out the park, but I give a pretty good interview.

I think I'm a decent communicator, especially in written form. I give thoughtful answers to the interview questions. Even the wacky ones like, "What's your favorite dinosaur?"

I'm definitely on the unattractive side, but I clean up very well (years and years of practice and youtube makeup tutorials).

I have no restrictions on my time. I'm always available. I don't mind working beyond the perimeters of my job description. That's where I'm most comfortable, tbh: going above and beyond what's expected of me.

I'm endlessly curious. I love learning processes from the ground up. I would bend over backwards to make my managers look good. I'm genuinely interested in the vision and goals of the company/department. And I want nothing more than to help them achieve it.

I put everything into my work because I literally have nothing else to occupy my time.

I can't sleep so it's not uncommon for me to wake up at 3AM and answer emails or work on a presentation.

I hate saying, "I don't know," so you can rest assured that I will uncover the answer to anything that's thrown my way.

I'm the employee that will create a How To document if one doesn't exist. I'm the person who will offer to stay late and help you finish your project. I love helping people because I remember all the times when no one helped me. I want to save someone from experiencing that.

I stay to myself and keep my head down. I'm friendly with everyone (not FRIENDS WITH), but friendly.

I avoid office politics like the plague. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of work-from-home jobs posted in my field. I've applied to over 210 (93 in October alone) and no one will choose me.

I quit my previous job with the intention of finding a remote position or killing myself. Those are my only two options.

I've done everything to try and find employment. I stopped identifying my race and gender on the applications and I received triple the inquiries than before...

But as soon as we get on the phone or on a video call- they can see what I am.

I cry because I know I'd make a valuable employee, yet no one will give me a chance.

Stories from people in situations like yours make me horribly apprehensive about the future. I'm on leave from my mostly shit, dead-end job and by all accounts, am far less qualified for anything of value than you are at whatever your field is...and look at the total lack of success you endure. I get the feeling you may be a female PoC which, if so, is just doubly fucked - that someone in a situation more like mine might actually be chosen over you. It's disgusting. I hope your luck turns around soon. Maybe even if it's in another sphere of work you hadn't considered.

More on topic to the thread - I cannot cry as much these days as I would like, because I share accommodations with three straight older cis guys in the presence of whom I'm already uncomfortable emoting, let alone crying. Shitty insulation/soundproofing means I'd be heard anywhere, save for the uncomfortable basement if they all were upstairs. So I just sob silently a little into a pillow and eat the sensation.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

I dont cry as much anymore, the emotions feel so awful that I do everything I can to avoid them- half the time if I do cry its like my body rejects them too and I shake and my breathing gets uneven, or I distract myself and manage to stop it before that happens, or crying in general just gets harder over time
It spilled over today

I just fucking miss her so much haha
its every day every second and I cant stand it anymore
I think I could live with the loneliness, the depression, the household, the neglect
but missing her is a feeling i just cant anymore
theres nothing even left for me there, why the fuck cant i just move on? she probably never even loved me like that but that thought doesnt even help because i know how much *I* love her still
and I lost her to my own mistakes
my stupid fucking incompetence
i hate myself
i miss her so much it hurts

 

[DefiedOdds]

I havn't fully broken down/cried In quite some time. Tonight was the first time In a while. I seem to be feeling less and less and It's almost a relief that I have some sort of emotions still left. My dad overdosed a few years ago and I've never been the same since. Guess that and the consistent thoughts of CTB for myself has really hit me. I just have been consistently thinking how all I really want is to sleep and not wake up. But how much that would effect others like my mom and sisters. But how if they didn't exist I would CTB immediately.