Ever since I was a child, I feel like I've known that life isn't for me and that the juice would never be worth the squeeze.
Being born into a high-control, fundamentalist religion was the start of my life. Both my parents were suicidal, but instead of acting accordingly, all they ever did was have kids. I vividly remember my brother over 13+ years younger than me discussing how he wanted to die at age 4, and my parents brushed it off (all while knowing they had turned to me discuss their suicidal urges in the past).
I just don't understand how people can say this is selfish. The love of my life even admits that he's the only person in my life who cares about me. It's a double-edged sword, it is wonderful to have one person care and then the debilitating guilt hits. I truly wish he'd find someone better and get over me quick. I'd be happy if he did if it meant I could leave without feeling so guilty. I wish I never met him because I now have this burden if I ever do decide to check out.
I have no plans or anything like that yet. I just wanted to vent, I guess.
Being born into a high-control, fundamentalist religion was the start of my life. Both my parents were suicidal, but instead of acting accordingly, all they ever did was have kids. I vividly remember my brother over 13+ years younger than me discussing how he wanted to die at age 4, and my parents brushed it off (all while knowing they had turned to me discuss their suicidal urges in the past).
I just don't understand how people can say this is selfish. The love of my life even admits that he's the only person in my life who cares about me. It's a double-edged sword, it is wonderful to have one person care and then the debilitating guilt hits. I truly wish he'd find someone better and get over me quick. I'd be happy if he did if it meant I could leave without feeling so guilty. I wish I never met him because I now have this burden if I ever do decide to check out.
I have no plans or anything like that yet. I just wanted to vent, I guess.
