Cptsd and trusted the wrong person.

[paranoidpeasant]

I pushed everyone away. The only person who stayed is a sociopath whose been close to several suicides. He's my only support.

He's great at toxic gossip. People who use to support me now glare at me. (I didn't lean on them, but I feel when they withdraw). He has a stellar reputation.



I've OD'd on benedryl. I've OD'd on cough medicine. I slit my wrists (the only attempt where I didn't come close to death). All spread out by years. Most recently I drank a bunch of rubbing alcohol. (Still recovering from the brain damage).

I need hope. Does anyone have any hope they can see here? I can build a new support community. The easiest way would be church. (I don't believe in the religion, but I've had spiritual experiences that convince me that there's a God).

People don't know authenticity when they see it.

Is ctb my only hope? An I suffering a cognitive distortion?

Do I try to live or do I double down on ctb? I was close to someone who ctb. He made attempt after attempt and survived them all, but his final attempt he ended up brain dead and on life support. They had to pull the plug.

I want an easy way out. I read that ctb has a five percent success rate. I can't trust anyone. I can't trust myself. Therapy is every two weeks, and is super not helpful.

What do I do?

 

[Busridin'26]

I can't advise you on what to do bc that's ultimately your choice and I struggle enough making my own decisions but anyway.


Trusting the wrong person especially someone thats sociopathic or psychopathic is devastating in general. Add CPTSD to that and its just fucking too much. Been there. Done that. It fucking sucks so condolences on that.


Cutting contact may be a good start.

Otherwise it's kinda hard to know what you really want ya kno?

At least that's been my experience and some I've seen so.


Then well if your still questioning whether to live or nah... maybe think about the things that you could try if you live. (Like an efficient therapist, going to church/building community etc etc) it's good you have some ideas.


The road to anything isn't easy. I wish you ease and peace whichever you choose.