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[Arvayn]

129,805

Hello, Amor! Haven't seen you in a while.

 

[amor.dor]

Hello Vampire Morning
Are you okay?

129 804

 

[Arvayn]

129,803

It's quite good to hear that. I've been doing swell. Today is Saturday, my favorite day of the week.

 

[Xi-Xi]

129,799

Yeah, I don't think it's worth it either, but I have been told to get him castrated too, so... Just following orders, as they say.

In a nutshell, I caught a rather extreme form of major depressive disorder, combined with intermittent mania and psychosis. The depression was so bad that I would essentially be a vegetable. Every day, I would do absolutely nothing. Just stare at the ceiling and not move from my bed, without even checking my phone. I had no energy to be suicidal, or to think, or do... literally anything.
On some days, I'd get abrupt psychotic breaks where I felt extremely energized and euphoric, and I'd be compelled to blindly follow some specific impulses. Those were the only days I really did anything.
Anyway...
Thanks to the MDD, I stopped eating and drinking altogether. If I drank, it would just be one or two gulps, and if I ate, it was always garbage snacks that didn't give my body any nutrients or calories, and just gave my stomach something to digest. You could refer to this as my "attempt".
Across the months of rotting, I experienced quite a few symptoms, but I'll skip over them and get to the point.
After a while, I was starved enough that my immune system stopped working. Somehow, I caught a bacterial disease. Without an immune system, this disease wrecked havoc on my body and eventually made its way into my blood. From the blood, it ended up inside my heart. I then experienced heart failure, and passed out from arrhythmia. While waiting for the ambulance to come, my heart croaked again and I had cardiac arrest, and I lost consciousness and life signs. The paramedics got there pretty quick and resuscitated me, though.

If you have any other "personal" questions about me, feel free to ask... I'm an open book.

Ah, if I may ask, what did death feel like?

129 802

 

[amor.dor]

@Arvayn Why Saturday? I'm curious.

Hello XI-xi,morning

 

[Arvayn]

129,800

Ah, if I may ask, what did death feel like?

The actual dying process was surprisingly peaceful. I felt all of my feelings go away as I became less and less aware of the world, and the surroundings became quieter... It was replaced by a very warm, tranquil feeling. I also felt incredibly dizzy and light as a feather. I thought I would have been scared or panicked, but I really didn't mind it at all. In the last moments of consciousness, I saw some faint colors, but that's about it.
As for actually being dead... It doesn't feel like anything. It is a non-experience. "I" did not exist anymore, so I couldn't tell you what it's like. From my point of view, I literally just... teleported forwards in time. Instantly. One second I'm on the floor, the next I'm on my couch with medics at my bedside.

Quite frankly, it made me feel like being dead is overrated...

@Arvayn Why Saturday? I'm curious.

It's a weekend day, which means no responsibilities, and I also have Sunday off tomorrow, which means I can sleep whenever I want. Friday sucks because you get home tired and you have to gather your energy. Sunday sucks because Monday is constantly looming over you and is getting closer. Saturday? It's perfect.

 

[amor.dor]

129 799

 

[Xi-Xi]

129 798

Good morning Amor.

Ah, I see... So it is nonexistence...

I had a weird dream. I was watching Morimiya Middle School gameplay, so that could have influenced it. I was in the middle of a seminar or something, then the familiar hold alarm starts playing. But in the middle of the hold alarm, it distorts into "Warning! Warning! A gunman is in the Sciences department. For your safety, please hide in your designated safe room". So, we hid in the safe room. We had some fun with the computer science students, it was like an unusually serene break. Then, the shooter found us. They found the back door. Chaos ensues. I was instantly like, nope, I'm out of here. So, I instantly booked it for the door. I was the first one out, as I heard screaming and shots behind me. I tried to escape through the garbage chute, movie style, before the shooter comes from behind, covered in blood, before sirens happen, and a fade to black.
♡⑅*˖•. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .•˖*⑅♡

The first dream I had before this, though, as I just remembered typing all of this, was also creepy. I was some kind of witch, like, one of those cartoony, anime witches, and my aunt was having one of her usual outbursts at me. I ran out of our childhood home, as she chased me. I ran to the city, and ran and ran, and ran. But no matter the spell I tried to cast, no matter how outlandish, she always caught up. It ended as she beat me.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

129,799

 

[Xi-Xi]

129 798

Hi SaS

 

[Arvayn]

129,797

Ah, I see... So it is nonexistence...

I had a weird dream. I was watching Morimiya Middle School gameplay, so that could have influenced it. I was in the middle of a seminar or something, then the familiar hold alarm starts playing. But in the middle of the hold alarm, it distorts into "Warning! Warning! A gunman is in the Sciences department. For your safety, please hide in your designated safe room". So, we hid in the safe room. We had some fun with the computer science students, it was like an unusually serene break. Then, the shooter found us. They found the back door. Chaos ensues. I was instantly like, nope, I'm out of here. So, I instantly booked it for the door. I was the first one out, as I heard screaming and shots behind me. I tried to escape through the garbage chute, movie style, before the shooter comes from behind, covered in blood, before sirens happen, and a fade to black.
♡⑅*˖•. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .•˖*⑅♡

The first dream I had before this, though, as I just remembered typing all of this, was also creepy. I was some kind of witch, like, one of those cartoony, anime witches, and my aunt was having one of her usual outbursts at me. I ran out of our childhood home, as she chased me. I ran to the city, and ran and ran, and ran. But no matter the spell I tried to cast, no matter how outlandish, she always caught up. It ended as she beat me.

Yep, it is... Or maybe my soul just didn't have time to be transported to the afterlife, who knows?

I love that game! I completed it fully. Sounds like you got isekai'd into it, lol. Also, geez, what a gruesome shooter... Doesn't he have the gun for a reason? Why get all that blood over yourself?

Poor witch Xi-Xi... Themes of helplessness in dreams are never fun. It's a good thing they're just dreams, though.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

129 798

Hi SaS

Hi :)

129 798

Damn i noticed you are all counting down :/

 

[Arvayn]

129,797

Team Chaos!

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

Aww but i like it when numbers go up

129,798

 

[Arvayn]

129,797

Seeing my cats walk around drugged after castration is hilarious to me. They're so confused, they have no idea what's going on... Even though they've been in this house for all their lives.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

129 797

 

[Arvayn]

129,797*

Oh hey, we're on page 4800.

 

[Xi-Xi]

129,797

Yep, it is... Or maybe my soul just didn't have time to be transported to the afterlife, who knows?

I love that game! I completed it fully. Sounds like you got isekai'd into it, lol. Also, geez, what a gruesome shooter... Doesn't he have the gun for a reason? Why get all that blood over yourself?

Poor witch Xi-Xi... Themes of helplessness in dreams are never fun. It's a good thing they're just dreams, though.

Yeah, after you shared it with me, I watched a let's play on the archive. I really like the game, actually. And since I was in a lower plane of the astral, I couldn't perceive entities that well, relatively speaking, so idk if it was blood or not.

I hate feeling helpless like that... Especially ones that bring up past traumas...

129,797

Seeing my cats walk around drugged after castration is hilarious to me. They're so confused, they have no idea what's going on... Even though they've been in this house for all their lives.

I mean, if your nuts were chopped off, you'd feel estranged too, wouldn't you?

129 796

 

[Arvayn]

129,795

I mean, if your nuts were chopped off, you'd feel estranged too, wouldn't you?

I think I'd be too busy screaming and recoiling in pain.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

129,796

That's why they get sedacted.

 

[Arvayn]

129,795

I'm getting hallucinations again. I see this giant pale woman sleeping on the side of her face, using my living room table as a pillow. The rest of her body is like... phasing through the wall. I can't see it.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

129,796

129,795

I'm getting hallucinations again. I see this giant pale woman sleeping on the side of her face, using my living room table as a pillow. The rest of her body is like... phasing through the wall. I can't see it.

Are you ok?

 

[boddibo]

129,797

 

[Arvayn]

129,796

Hello, B.

Are you ok?

Yeah, I get these all the time... They're just part of normal living for me. Don't worry.
For example, just last night, I saw a tiny little assassin bolt across my desk, before disappearing into the shadows. He had this oversized cloak that obscured him; it was rather cute.

One day, I'm going to see an actual paranormal creature, and think that I'm just seeing things... Lmao.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

129,796

Hello, B.

Yeah, I get these all the time... They're just part of normal living for me. Don't worry.
For example, just last night, I saw a tiny little assassin bolt across my desk, before disappearing into the shadows. He had this oversized cloak that obscured him; it was rather cute.

One day, I'm going to see an actual paranormal creature, and think that I'm just seeing things... Lmao.

Maybe that happened already :D

Hey B

129,797

 

[Xi-Xi]

Hi B

129,796

Hello, B.

Yeah, I get these all the time... They're just part of normal living for me. Don't worry.
For example, just last night, I saw a tiny little assassin bolt across my desk, before disappearing into the shadows. He had this oversized cloak that obscured him; it was rather cute.

One day, I'm going to see an actual paranormal creature, and think that I'm just seeing things... Lmao.

Sometimes I get those too, but only when tired.

129 796

 

[Arvayn]

129,795

Sometimes I get those too, but only when tired.

Oh yeah, they also get pretty bad for me when I'm tired... Especially when I'm in the dark.
Even though I managed to outpsycho your psycho, you also outschizo my schizo with some of the stuff you describe to me, so we're even.

 

[Xi-Xi]

You also outschizo my schizo with some of the stuff you describe to me, so we're even.

I mean, it can't be thaaat bad... Right?

129 794

 

[Arvayn]

129,793

I mean, it can't be thaaat bad... Right?

Oh, no, I think it's super cool. I'm just not spiritual enough for it... You know what one of the central tenets of mysticism is? It's that you cannot aspire to know. You must simply be aware, via unconventional methods that surpass reason. I definitely don't have the courage to make that leap, I'm too paranoid and skeptic... but it does make sense to me. For example, I think of love. You can't rationally explain the experience of love to someone, they have to just know.