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[Arvayn]

129,320

Wouldn't there me more opportunity... Anywhere else, though?

There likely would be, but I do not really care for opportunities, unless it would be so hilariously easy to take advantage of one that it'd be foolish not to. I just want to take the easiest possible route to achieving my goals, and then once I actually get there, pursue my passions until I die. Moving to another country would just unnecessarily complicate this. I do not seek large amounts of money, because I have shelter; I do not want luxuries, because I'm pleased by mental activities; I do not want to buy new items, because I already have everything I need. So on, so forth.

129,320: Glad that's the case. I got wrapped up in porn addiction and sedentary behaviour because of it. Really wish I did not become obessive to the point of having too much stress and making poor decisions around it.

Yikes. Sorry to hear. Yeah, unrestricted internet access is a double edged sword that turns out poorly more often than not. I am a very, very rare case of someone who benefitted from it.
I did run into porn eventually, but I just didn't care for it; my earliest group of friends got addicted to it, and it made me resent sexuality for a time, because it was all they'd talk about.

 

[amor.dor]

Good night. It was really nice spending time here. Take care, everyone.

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[NoPoint2Life]

129,322

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Good night. It was really nice spending time here. Take care, everyone.

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129,322: Gonna have to do the same, support worker will warn me to sleep and bring down devices since I have fucking bed times on college nights lol. Thanks Avrayn for the chat btw

 

[Arvayn]

129,321

Good night, Always and Amor.

While not as bad as what happened to AiT, when I was a small child, witnessing the dawn of Victorian-era YouTube, I stumbled across a creepypasta that scarred me so much, that I was utterly terrified of YouTube until several years later.

Ah, I had a creepypasta phase too... I was deathly scared of haunted dolls. I would stay up all night, hidden under my blanket, listening carefully for any suspicious noises...
I also have visual hallucinations. They get the most intense when I am in dark environments (for example, about a month ago, I saw this extremely thin and bony hand swipe itself across my line of sight and then disappear. Like a skeleton, but with a little muscle still on the bone.). I am no longer scared of them, but they were terrifying in my youth.

 

[Xi-Xi]

I also have visual hallucinations. They get the most intense when I am in dark environments (for example, about a month ago, I saw this extremely thin and bony hand swipe itself across my line of sight and then disappear. Like a skeleton, but with a little muscle still on the bone.). I am no longer scared of them, but they were terrifying in my youth.

I have had visual hallucinations, too. I usually see trails of blood, across my walls. This was back in a period of time where I was convinced there was an entity in my walls that was talking to me and going to kill me, so those freaked me out.

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[boddibo]

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[Arvayn]

129,320

I have had visual hallucinations, too. I usually see trails of blood, across my walls. This was back in a period of time where I was convinced there was an entity in my walls that was talking to me and going to kill me, so those freaked me out.

Yeah, hallucinations are not fun when you don't have any baseline of reality to compare things to.
The 'worst' hallucination I think I've had in recent times was about a year ago, maybe two. I was sat at my desk sometime in the afternoon, in broad daylight, and I was rather bored, so I spun my chair around and looked at the doorway behind me, which was left agape, and there's this very tall, featureless black entity standing there, peeking from behind the door, with some kind of grey fuzz obscuring what looked like the "side" of its face; a mask, perhaps?
I'm completely mentally blanked out; I literally don't even process that it's there. I turn back around without a thought. A few seconds later, I'm like, "wait a second". I turn around again, and it's gone. Didn't scare me, but it did surprise me.

My peripheral vision is extremely unreliable, and is chock full with minor hallucinations. For example, I have this white chocolate on my desk, right? If I don't look directly at it, for some reason, it turns into an iPhone.
I once took a Rorschach test where I side-eyed all the blotches instead of looking directly at them, and it said I was severely mentally disturbed... Haha.

 

[Xi-Xi]

Haha, yeah

Gotta say, though, my dreams are a lot weirder than my hallucinations, though.

I used to have a reoccurring dream where the spirit of death itself would choose a lineup of people to kill, including me. He would then decide to brutally murder someone in the lineup, while sparing everyone else.

Nowadays, however, a little girl always shows up in my dreams. She says that she's protecting me from the spirit of Death. Every time I tried to talk to her, though, she always avoided talking about it.

I blame her for all my failed attempts lol.

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[boddibo]

129,320

 

[Xi-Xi]

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[boddibo]

129,320

 

[Arvayn]

129,319

Haha, yeah

Gotta say, though, my dreams are a lot weirder than my hallucinations, though.

I used to have a reoccurring dream where the spirit of death itself would choose a lineup of people to kill, including me. He would then decide to brutally murder someone in the lineup, while sparing everyone else.

Nowadays, however, a little girl always shows up in my dreams. She says that she's protecting me from the spirit of Death. Every time I tried to talk to her, though, she always avoided talking about it.

I blame her for all my failed attempts lol.

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Maybe she's keeping you alive for a reason...? Something something, magic. Clearly, she must know something we don't!

My dreams are just disturbing. I don't get reoccurring dreams exactly, but there are reoccurring themes, at least. In my dreams, I'm always somehow getting tortured, murdered, raped, humiliated, drugged (TW for anyone lurking) or any possible combination and fucked up thing you can think of. I also have extremely vivid dreams; I can see everything clearly, I can feel everything. It's like I'm actually there, awake.
Edit: I should specify, I'm so used to it that it doesn't even bother me at this point. It just feels normal.

One dream that I remember clearly... I was in this extremely foggy forest that only had thin, dead trees and leaves on the floor. I was trying to escape this demon of the woods; it looked like a levitating goat with fucked up, overly long limbs, dark pits for eyes and exaggerated features. Eventually, it caught me, causing my vision to flush completely gray and to lose all of my senses. It told me that it has taken control of me, in rest and in living, and yet, I will only know that it's telling the truth when I "see the sign". Still waiting for that sign! (I know it's just a dream, lol.)

 

[Xi-Xi]

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[boddibo]

129,319

 

[Arvayn]

129,318

 

[boddibo]

129,319

 

[Xi-Xi]

129,319


Maybe she's keeping you alive for a reason...? Something something, magic. Clearly, she must know something we don't!

My dreams are just disturbing. I don't get reoccurring dreams exactly, but there are reoccurring themes, at least. In my dreams, I'm always somehow getting tortured, murdered, raped, humiliated, drugged (TW for anyone lurking) or any possible combination and fucked up thing you can think of. I also have extremely vivid dreams; I can see everything clearly, I can feel everything. It's like I'm actually there, awake.
Edit: I should specify, I'm so used to it that it doesn't even bother me at this point. It just feels normal.

One dream that I remember clearly... I was in this extremely foggy forest that only had thin, dead trees and leaves on the floor. I was trying to escape this demon of the woods; it looked like a levitating goat with fucked up, overly long limbs, dark pits for eyes and exaggerated features. Eventually, it caught me, causing my vision to flush completely gray and to lose all of my senses. It told me that it has taken control of me, in rest and in living, and yet, I will only know that it's telling the truth when I "see the sign". Still waiting for that sign! (I know it's just a dream, lol.)

Damn, why are your dreams so bad

I've always been a huge believer of dreams, and the dreamscape. I believe that there is power in dreams, and that every dream is a fragment of another reality, that you simply visit while resting. I even astral project and shit like that

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129,319

2 against one, you cannot win

 

[Arvayn]

129,317

Damn, why are your dreams so bad

I've always been a huge believer of dreams, and the dreamscape. I believe that there is power in dreams, and that every dream is a fragment of another reality, that you simply visit while resting. I even astral project and shit like that

I don't know, really, but I do not mind, either. I could sit here and try to psychoanalyze myself all day... The obvious answer is that I am a very morbid person by default, but there's probably more to it than that.

And, I believe in the existence of other realities, too. I hold a lot of respect for occultism and the esoteric, even though I don't believe in astral projection or the dreamscape myself. Who knows, though? Dreams are absolutely packed with symbolism and strange mental experiences. I think that that's really cool, I genuinely like that about you.

Physics are also extremely weird, and there's even a field of physics dedicated to trying to conceive coherent alternate laws of physics, it's called string phenomenology. The physicist to mystic pipeline is real...
There's also an idea, "modal rationalism", that says our imaginations could be a map of what is metaphysically possible, even if it's not physically possible in our universe. After all, if we can conceive of something and have it make logical sense, why not...? And, I think it's right. The laws of physics are not set in stone. We have so many reasons to think they changed overtime. Black holes bend them, too.
One of these days, scientists are going to discover straight up magic that has no explanation behind it and Just Works.

I summed up my religious beliefs in a nutshell in this post, if you care:

What are your thoughts on God and Hell regarding to suicide? do you believe in them?

I used to believe in religion. as far as my life was going as I wanted it to, I attributed my successes and happiness to a divine power. I believed that god is actually up there helping me. but the worse my life, the less my beliefs have become. misfortunes and sufferings happened to me one...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[U. A.]

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[boddibo]

129,319

 

[Arvayn]

129,318

Aaahhh, Fish has arrived to rescue B! The tides of battle are turning again...

 

[boddibo]

129,319

lol i'm actually braindead and will fall asleep anytime soon

 

[Xi-Xi]

129,317


I don't know, really, but I do not mind, either. I could sit here and try to psychoanalyze myself all day... The obvious answer is that I am a very morbid person by default, but there's probably more to it than that.

And, I believe in the existence of other realities, too. I hold a lot of respect for occultism and the esoteric, even though I don't believe in astral projection or the dreamscape myself. Who knows, though? Dreams are absolutely packed with symbolism and strange mental experiences. I think that that's really cool, I genuinely like that about you.

Physics are also extremely weird, and there's even a field of physics dedicated to trying to conceive coherent alternate laws of physics, it's called string phenomenology. The physicist to mystic pipeline is real...
There's also an idea, "modal rationalism", that says our imaginations could be a map of what is metaphysically possible, even if it's not physically possible in our universe. After all, if we can conceive of something and have it make logical sense, why not...? And, I think it's right. The laws of physics are not set in stone. We have so many reasons to think they changed overtime. Black holes bend them, too.
One of these days, scientists are going to discover straight up magic that has no explanation behind it and Just Works.

I summed up my religious beliefs in a nutshell in this post, if you care:

What are your thoughts on God and Hell regarding to suicide? do you believe in them?

I used to believe in religion. as far as my life was going as I wanted it to, I attributed my successes and happiness to a divine power. I believed that god is actually up there helping me. but the worse my life, the less my beliefs have become. misfortunes and sufferings happened to me one...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I want to be a phemotologist. I've always admired their jobs.

You know, I think your angle on suicide is pretty accurate. It's mathematically impossible for there to not be an identical version of you, in some galaxy, for the rest of time. It could have already happened before. The real question is about the counciousness about that one particular person....

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[U. A.]

129,319

sadly i will also not be so useful right now..

 

[Xi-Xi]

129,319

sadly i will also not be so useful right now..

simply.....................be more useful


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[Arvayn]

129,317

I want to be a phemotologist. I've always admired their jobs.

You know, I think your angle on suicide is pretty accurate. It's mathematically impossible for there to not be an identical version of you, in some galaxy, for the rest of time. It could have already happened before. The real question is about the counciousness about that one particular person....

I admire their jobs, too. It's true that mathematics is the only universally coherent language across all civilizations. There are high-level abstract concepts about reality that I want to understand, but simply cannot, because I don't have the conceptual basis to read and process the math. As it happens, there are simply no words to describe some things other than direct math.

In another life, I would have probably enjoyed learning about this stuff, if only it was introduced me to earlier. But now, I am all about arts and medicine. It can't be helped; I am, at least, quite satisfied with them.

And, yeah. You're exactly correct. If the universe expands and goes on for an infinite amount of time, then, on the scale of infinity, EVERYTHING will eventually happen. It's just logical. In another time, I might be some kind of tyrant, or we might be having this conversation as two oversized sapient ants instead of as humans. Existence is so fascinating...

 

[Xi-Xi]

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