Couldn’t go through with it

[Whydaddy]

I spent over a year 1/2 researching methods and talking to people on here just to get to the final stretch and unable to accept early non existence as my final destination. But I don't want to be here at all, I mean no desire to live in this world this way. I've been hurt my a surgeon and there's no compensation. On meds that don't work and make me sicker, stuck in the frenzy of becoming old and having nothing to show for my life and still needing a lifetime of therapy to even manage.

I'm immediately regretting staying. The small moments of enjoyment are completely outweighed by the pain of being me.
It gives some sort of freedom to know I can leave whenever but the idea of blowing my head off is too intense but i don't want to hang and I can't figure anything else out.

I hate this. I just want them to legalize death.
This country and its people took my life from me, from the first doctor to the last and all I am asking for is a peaceful way out and I cannot even have that. None of it ever makes any sense.

 

[suffering_mo]

I'm sorry and can only say that I empathize. I feel completely trapped. I didn't want to die but am ok with it. Mainly just don't want to suicide and mess it up (with two shitty and scary options) and especially don't want to hurt my family... but I can't live with the extreme pain and suffering that I am having to endure...from pharmaceutical harm. It's a hell of a position to be in and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

 

[divinemistress87]

Survival instinct is a bitch

 

[Whydaddy]

Survival instinct is a bitch

It sure is

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I also just wish to be gone, it feels so cruel and horrible to me how I cannot just have the option painlessly die so I can finally find peace from all the cruelty and suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Whydaddy]

I'm sorry and can only say that I empathize. I feel completely trapped. I didn't want to die but am ok with it. Mainly just don't want to suicide and mess it up (with two shitty and scary options) and especially don't want to hurt my family... but I can't live with the extreme pain and suffering that I am having to endure...from pharmaceutical harm. It's a hell of a position to be in and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Ugh. I'm so sorry. I absolutely understand the pharmaceutical harm, it's the worst hell. And feeling like you are not you anymore. You are better than me, though, I'm not sure I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I think id wish it on a few of doctors.