Help could a well-written suicide note bring closure to my parents and family?

[goingforawalk]

i've been thinking about this quite a bit. my plan is to CTB somewhere in nature really far from my home in a place secluded enough for my body to never be found (or atleast not be found during the ugly phases of decomposition) and schedule an email to my parents, telling them to read a paper note i will leave in my room before i leave to travel to my place of choice.

i know that since they are my parents nothing could make them fully accept my suicide and as bad as i feel for them because of that, it won't stop me from killing myself so my second best option is writing a long note that explains why i did it, why its not their fault and that it wasnt an impulsive thing.

even still, im wondering if this could actually help. i will leave a note as it could help me pass in peace, knowing i might have helped but how much do you think it would actually do for them?

im not sure why im making this thread, i guess i just want some reassurance and/or honesty. thanks.

 

[gomer1978]

Try talking to them about it now. It might change everything

 

[goingforawalk]

Try talking to them about it now. It might change everything

im not gonna do that. obviously they wouldn't want me to do it and i would completely lose their trust if i told them my plan. all talking to them about it will do is worry them and possibly get me put in a psychiatric hospital.

their view on suicide is obviously much different than mine.

 

[itsgone2]

im not sure why im making this thread, i guess i just want some reassurance and/or honesty. thanks.

Hello. I'm going to agree with @gomer1978 It would be difficult, but if I were them I'd want to know now.
I wrote a note a few weeks ago. Thought I'd do it. SI says otherwise. I read it yesterday. It's honest, but won't make anyone feel any better.
It's a devastating thing we're considering. I wish you peace in whatever you decide.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I think a note will give them something to hold onto. Even if it's just reading/feeling you one more time. Maybe it answers some questions they have, depending on what you write.

 

[User111885]

i've been thinking about this quite a bit. my plan is to CTB somewhere in nature really far from my home in a place secluded enough for my body to never be found (or atleast not be found during the ugly phases of decomposition) and schedule an email to my parents, telling them to read a paper note i will leave in my room before i leave to travel to my place of choice.

i know that since they are my parents nothing could make them fully accept my suicide and as bad as i feel for them because of that, it won't stop me from killing myself so my second best option is writing a long note that explains why i did it, why its not their fault and that it wasnt an impulsive thing.

even still, im wondering if this could actually help. i will leave a note as it could help me pass in peace, knowing i might have helped but how much do you think it would actually do for them?

im not sure why im making this thread, i guess i just want some reassurance and/or honesty. thanks.

if you end up committing suicide, they will probably go to grief groups and get a grief counselor and having a note that is kind may help them process things slightly, but honestly, losing someone to suicide is brutal, and it will probably turn a -1,000,000,000,002 level pain to a -1,000,000,000,000 level pain. It may help, but realistically it will be excruciating no matter what, losing a child is probably especially hard.

 

[setspiritfree]

I think a note will give them something to hold onto. Even if it's just reading/feeling you one more time. Maybe it answers some questions they have, depending on what you write.

Yeah, I don't think it would hurt anything at. At least they may have some answers they might not otherwise.

 

[getoutgirl]

hey, i agree with the replies. A note helps, even if they might re read it over and over and wonder what could they have done for some sections... it simply is better than total nothingness left behind, and that uncertainty just brings more questions and rumination. The pain would be immense regardless, i agree, but it is a nicer gesture.

As an aside, I also planned this exact same thing, disappear into the woods so no one would find my body. And my first concern was the guilt over the pain id cause my loved ones. It is a hard burden. Obviously I hope you dont have to bear it, or your family, and that you can find peace in other ways than death. You are clearly a very caring person. In any case, just wanted you to know that I feel you. Hope you get easier days. Hugs <3

 

[itsgone2]

l, and it will probably turn a -1,000,000,000,002 level pain to a -1,000,000,000,000 level pain

Depressing to think of. I'm sure you're right. My own notes seem so inadequate now.

 

[Nightfoot]

It would show that you cared and wanted to ease their pain, at the very least.

 

[TheCavernousDeep.]

A note can pretty clearly spell out that it's not their fault. Like, you can say that explicitly and give all the reasons why there was nothing they could have done. I think that's a very powerful thing to include. It won't take away the pain of your death, and It can't take away all their guilt either, but at least it can give them the comforting thought "well, they didn't blame me for what happened, so why should I blame myself?" I had someone very close to me choose suicide, and while I understand why they did it, they also chose to blame me for what happened (and in a very direct way). I think that really made it hard to move on, and I still live with a deep sense of guilt. I think saying 'it's not your fault' and clarifying that for your family can make a huge difference. I also think putting a positive spin on it (like saying stuff like "I know I won't be afraid when I go" and stuff like that), can help them cope with what happened.

But it's true that there's only so much a note can do. In the end you're the thing they want, and a note can't bring you back. It's good that you care about what happens to your parents (for me too, this is a really big part of why I haven't CTB'd yet). I also really relate on not wanting to talk to them about it, worrying my parents and getting thrown in a psych hospital hardly seems worth it when it feels like this outcome is inevitable sometimes. It could still be worth it to open up to them though. Sure, it might make them sad, but if you gave them the choice, they'd definitely want to know.

Idk, I feel your dilemma. I do.

 

[slapntickle]

There are some really thoughtful and well written responses in this thread, and I wholeheartedly agree with much of what's been said. As a parent myself (albeit with a very young child), the thought of him taking is own life in the future is indescribably painful to me, the kind of thought that makes me want to start crying immediately. There is no pain I wouldn't endure to stop that happening. It's quite a powerful thought actually.

One of the key reasons I haven't yet CTB is because I don't want to inflict that level of suffering on my parents, but I do feel that a well-written and thoughtful note might cushion the blow somewhat, maybe telling them that it was the inevitable conclusion to bad choices, that I wasn't desperately unhappy, and that they are not to blame but rather dumb luck etc. It could really help. I always wanted to wait until my own parents died before CTBing but alas they're hanging on in there!

 

[FinalesFunkeln]

Try talking to them about it now. It might change everything

I second this so hard. If you know your parents love and care for you and are willing to try and help you in any way possible, let them know. Maybe there's help for you.

If your parents are like mine; absent at best, abusive at worst - don't bother. Don't even leave them the note. I'm very big on the fact that nobody owes their abusers anything.

If you have exhausted all options for help, your parents mean a lot to you and you feel you'd like to give them closure, then definitely leave the note.

I hope for the best for you, whatever that may be.

Godspeed, Captain.