Games Corrupt-A-Wish.

[AnOrangeDonut]

Granted, but each thing you try to taste becomes something you can never physically eat ever again.

I wish I had no fear.

Granted! but this 'causes you to also lack some judgement skill and you run around outside naked and get arrested for public indecency

I wish to change my past and have it not affect who I am or who I'm friends with

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, you've caused World War III to happen in 2020 instead of the coronavirus pandemic and several countries are now nuclear wastelands but hey at least you and your friends are exactly the way they're supposed to be.

I wish I could find out who my soulmate is and where they are.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish I could find out who my soulmate is and where they are.

Granted, but he/she/it/they* reside(s) in a galaxy far, far away, which you have no means of getting to.

*Who knows? Could be a colonial organism like the Portuguese man o' war.

I wish I could sterilise (make free of harmful microorganisms) objects just by touch alone.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted but the micro organisms eventually mutate and become resistant even to your sterilization powers, eventually rendering them useless and leading to all contaminants being indestructible.

I wish I could make people get along with each other.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish I could make people get along with each other.

Granted, but only after you provide them with the basic needs of food and water, clothes and shelter. Oh, and agree to take upon the role of sacrificial lamb for the common good of humanity, 'suffering and dying for their sins'. Then can people transcend unquenchable desire and achieve everlasting happiness.

I wish we could regenerate severed limbs and damaged organs.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, but it takes 9 months to fully regrow and if the regrowing limb or organ is touched or disturbed in any way before the process is complete, then it falls off and has to start all over again.

I wish the number 666 wasn't so unlucky.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish the number 666 wasn't so unlucky.

Granted. '666' is not only an auspicious number, but also a sacred one that invokes the blessings of the Beast. However, as people become obsessed with the number '6', human society now only revolves around it. Insects have replaced common livestock animals as a source of protein, becoming a staple food across all social classes and eaten three meals a day. The hexagon is now the mandatory architectural form, causing existing buildings to be demolished (unfortunately that includes your residence) to make way for hexagonal designs. Marriage is no longer a union between man and woman, but rather, three unions bound together for life. As part of the new religious movement, elaborate sex festivals involving three groups of six people having an orgy, are held in the name of the Beast. Sextuplets are also seen as omens of good fortune, venerated as divine messengers and treated like royalty – free to do whatever they please to peasants such as you and I.

I wish I were able to live in the present moment, neither worrying about what happened in the past, nor anticipating what'll happen in the future.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted. '666' is not only an auspicious number, but also a sacred one that invokes the blessings of the Beast. However, as people become obsessed with the number '6', human society now only revolves around it. Insects have replaced common livestock animals as a source of protein, becoming a staple food across all social classes and eaten three meals a day. The hexagon is now the mandatory architectural form, causing existing buildings to be demolished (unfortunately that includes your residence) to make way for hexagonal designs. Marriage is no longer a union between man and woman, but rather, three unions bound together for life. As part of the new religious movement, elaborate sex festivals involving three groups of six people having an orgy, are held in the name of the Beast. Sextuplets are also seen as omens of good fortune, venerated as divine messengers and treated like royalty – free to do whatever they please to peasants such as you and I.

Damn. Now that's a corrupted wish!

Granted, but in order to not live in the past you now have no memories, long term or short term. In order to not live in the future you can't learn any new information either. Your consciousness remains permanently static except to respond to things as they happen to you.

I wish I could stop getting headaches everytime I go two days without caffeine.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish I could stop getting headaches everytime I go two days without caffeine.

Granted. You have been prescribed a new experimental drug, which has been developed to fight the migraine epidemic. Migraines are a leading cause of absenteeism, and the subsequent loss of workplace productivity puts a strain on economies worldwide. Taking it provides instant relief, but you begin to feel sluggish not long after.

Unbeknownst to you, the drug had been developed in partnership with a large corporation that seeks to invent solutions to drive economic growth. Under the pretence of philanthropy, said corporation has made the elimination of migraine headaches a top priority. However, this is part of a hidden agenda to turn humans into 'robots' able to work nonstop for hours on end.

The next day you are visited by two heavily-built masked men. As the drug had been laced with sedatives that cause one to be docile and compliant, you are unable to resist as they make you sign an agreement. They then manhandle you with ease onto a truck headed for an unknown destination.

I wish we knew what happens after we die.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, you find out that what happens after death is actually very peaceful and enjoyable. Unfortunately just knowing the secret alone causes you to be both immortal and indestructible. Welcome to the Guardians of the Secret Cult. Anyone else you tell also becomes indestructible and immortal.

I wish I could eat pizza again without getting a stomachache after two slices.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish I could eat pizza again without getting a stomachache after two slices.

Granted, pizza is now safe to binge on. This year sees a record-low incidence of GI tract infections worldwide, in particular Escherichia coli infections, and scientists scramble to find an explanation for this anomaly...

Who would've thought that all of this was part of a bigger plan by E. coli bacteria to take over humanity as rulers of Planet Earth, having mutated and achieved sentience. This particular strain is adapted to survive both in vivo and ex vivo environments, having developed specialised appendages to propel themselves through whatever medium they find themselves in. Able to telepathically communicate over short distances to members of their own species, many have reached a consensus that inconveniencing their hosts is detrimental to long-term survival. They have now turned their attention elsewhere...

Based on observation and intelligence gathered from other gut bacteria, E. coli have deduced that pizza is the #1 comfort food of their human hosts. With the goal of infiltrating as many human bodies as possible, ex vivo E. coli have been tasked with hitching a ride on anything pizza-related – finished products, raw ingredients, deliverymen, transport vehicles and the like. Meanwhile their in vivo brethen will pose as harmless and beneficial gut bacteria, until they discover means of hacking and gaining control of the nervous system.

Granted, you find out that what happens after death is actually very peaceful and enjoyable. Unfortunately just knowing the secret alone causes you to be both immortal and indestructible. Welcome to the Guardians of the Secret Cult. Anyone else you tell also becomes indestructible and immortal.

To 'spread the good word', I might just consider a televangelist career.

I wish I could bend people to my will.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, you die immediately people bend to the terms of your last will and testament.

I wish I had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever I want.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish I had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever I want.

Granted, but as soon as you fall asleep, you are beset by nightmares of unspeakable horror. Instinctively, you force yourself to wake up.

"It's just a bad dream." you thought, as you try to fall asleep, only to wake up shortly after. Unable to get a good night's sleep for days on end, you decide to seek psychiatric treatment. But as soon as you work up the nerve to tell anyone, your mind goes blank and you're unable to recall even the slightest details. When you turn your attention to something else however, the accursed images reappear vividly in your mind, and you feel like you're being watched. You consult the local priest as a last resort, but even this hardly changes the outcome.

As your sleep patterns become disrupted, fatigue and tiredness wear you out, and you find yourself unable to perform even the most simple tasks without considerable effort. At one point, you begin to hear otherworldly voices that chill you to the bone. Utterly powerless, you surrender yourself to fate as your supernatural tormentors revel in your slow death.

I wish I could control the four elements – fire, water, earth and air.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, but as soon as you fall asleep, you are beset by nightmares of unspeakable horror. Instinctively, you force yourself to wake up.

"It's just a bad dream." you thought, as you try to fall asleep, only to wake up shortly after. Unable to get a good night's sleep for days on end, you decide to seek psychiatric treatment. But as soon as you work up the nerve to tell anyone, your mind goes blank and you're unable to recall even the slightest details. When you turn your attention to something else however, the accursed images reappear vividly in your mind, and you feel like you're being watched. You consult the local priest as a last resort, but even this hardly changes the outcome.

As your sleep patterns become disrupted, fatigue and tiredness wear you out, and you find yourself unable to perform even the most simple tasks without considerable effort. At one point, you begin to hear otherworldly voices that chill you to the bone. Utterly powerless, you surrender yourself to fate as your supernatural tormentors revel in your slow death.

Scary stuff.

Granted, but by becoming the Avatar, you are now the legal property of Viacom and Nickelodeon. Despite controlling all those elements, all of them bow to the most powerful element of all: currency. The almighty dollar makes you now a slave to those media corporations. They mostly use you just to promote shitty reboots.

I wish I could grant my own wishes.

 

[FriendofDeath]

Granted, but every wish you make erases the previously granted wish.

I wish I could sew.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish I could sew.

Granted. Discovering that you have a penchant for funeral garments (everything else is just... average), you lend your talents to the funeral industry, seeing this as an opportunity to give back to the community. Nothing prepares you for what is to come...

Almost all the time you are made to work with unscrupulous funeral directors who prey on grieving relatives. They have no qualms about using fear, obligation and guilt to blackmail the bereaved into buying expensive funeral packages. (Pro bono? Not interested.) Many prefer to do business with the wealthy, whom 'an arm an a leg' is a mere trifle, but who like everyone else want nothing but the best for their deceased loved ones. As there is a profitable niche market for garments for the grave, they are quick to capitalise on the opportunity.

The best part? You don't really have a say in the matter – if you want to keep your job, that is.

Granted, but by becoming the Avatar, you are now the legal property of Viacom and Nickelodeon. Despite controlling all those elements, all of them bow to the most powerful element of all: currency. The almighty dollar makes you now a slave to those media corporations. They mostly use you just to promote shitty reboots.

The 'invisible hand' of the market ha!

I wish I could change the course of humanity for the better.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, but for that to happen, many other species of plants and animals must go extinct. You also end up having to eliminate most humans to ensure the success of humanity as a whole.

I wish I could stop being lazy.

 

[GoneGirl]

Granted, but you now live your life at 10x the speed you usually would. This leaves you exhausted & unable to stop.

I wish I could fast forward 2021 & be in 2022

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, but things only get even worse in 2022. There are now five different strains of covid, only two of which the vaccines work on and every country entered an indefinite lockdown. Every movie that was supposed to be out by 2022 is still delayed to 2025. Plus you probably also missed some crazy things that happened in 2021.

I wish I didn't have to clean anything by myself.

 

[GoneGirl]

Granted, now everything is dirty all the time.

I wish I could go to sleep and wake up happy healthy and content

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, but those feelings will only last while you are asleep and shortly after you wake up. Once you've been up long enough, the opposite of all those feelings are ramped up to the extreme.

I wish I could watch tv all day without anyone judging me.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I wish I could watch tv all day without anyone judging me.

Granted, but you can only watch the news.

I wish I had a shotgun.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted but it has no ammo and the only bullets it will take have been discontinued.

I wish that there were infinite resources on earth that were easily accessible.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish that there were infinite resources on earth that were easily accessible.

Granted. Terrestrial and marine populations rebound, and previously exhausted ore and mineral deposits begin to replenish, causing people to become complacent and take what they have for granted. However, it was not long after that efforts to extract resources have been met with resistance from unknown entities.

Little do we know, Mother Nature has had enough, and wants to send a clear message that Planet Earth is not for us to rape and plunder – the feast before our eyes is but an illusion. She intends to restore everything to their pristine state, as such seeing humanity survive and thrive is not part of the plan. Like dragons guarding their treasure, sentinels of the four elements have been deployed to watch over the delicate balance of her ecosystems. The nigh-indestructable guardians crush anyone who dares encroach on their domain, cannot be harmed by man's weapons, and attempts at communication have been futile. As of late, the semi-sentient golems have begun to expand their territory, much to the worry of the nations of the world.

I wish I was more patient with others.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, you now have infinite patience to give everyone, which gets abused easily by many people in all sorts of different ways. You won't even know what kind of ways exactly yet. Guess you'll just have to wait...

I wish I could have lower standards for people.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I wish I could have lower standards for people.

Granted...

You may have lowered your expectations of others, but others have not lowered their expectations of you. Worse, their standards are now higher than ever, and for some, blown out of proportion. Why? You have no idea. Not just the people around you, but the whole of humanity. Whatever you say or do is now subject to intense scrutiny, that you might just as well have been a well-known public figure. You believe that no human is perfect, and that you are being non-judgemental, but somehow people take it that you condone morally reprehensible acts. As such, many feel uncomfortable and begin to keep their distance from you.

Then one fateful day, as you are having a casual conversation about a certain historical genocide, you are overheard by a descendant of one of the survivors. Inflamed by your comments, that person goes on to start a social media campaign against you, and the next day you receive death threats. For the coming months you are harassed nonstop, in the form of both online abuse and offline violence.

I wish people were genuinely kind to each other.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

(Dang, brilliant corruption as usual.)

Granted, but humanity's kindness for each other means all humans have to satisfy their latent cruelty instincts somehow. All humans suddenly become more cruel and unforgiving of all animals now which leads to accelerated climate change and mass extinction.

I wish I could save everyone on this site from wanting to CTB and that all get whatever they need to genuinely recover with a newly enriched life.

 

[TheFifthDay]

Granted, they no longer want to CTB but they still don't want to live. And as their quality of life rises so do their standards until they're back to square one.

I wish I had perfect knowledge of chemistry

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Granted, but your vast and infinite knowledge of chemistry makes you a terrorist threat because you can make every type of bomb. You become the prime target for every world government who either wants to force you to make bombs for them or just eliminate you entirely to save the world.

I wish I could have a pool in my backyard.

 

[LooksAtMoonDog]

Granted, but it is a pool of sulfurous lava.

I wish I could put random thoughts in other people's minds.