Coping mechanism

[FadingSunshine]

Hey guys, I just gotta get this out here because I've never really verbalized this to anyone else. I'm 18, just graduated high school. I used to have really bad social anxiety, like I wouldn't willingly go outside. I've had it since I was 14. I would walk up to people and just have no idea what to say after they speak to me, like my mind just went blank. I felt like I was faking my entire personality and I was just a husk of my previous self. I felt completely empty and I hated myself for it. This turned into self-loathing every single day for years. I hated every aspect of myself.
I kept having these thoughts until February 5th of this year. It was then that I had the realization: I don't matter. My feelings don't matter. None of us matter. In the grand scheme of things, nothing we ever do will matter. Why should I care about anything in my life if it isn't significant? I might get into a horrific car crash and die, but the world keeps turning. Even if I had Jeff Bezos level of money and impact, I still wouldn't matter in 1,000 years and I definitely wouldn't matter to the rest of the universe.

This is such a freeing thought to me, knowing that nothing that happens to me really matters and the fact that I can exit whenever I want to makes me so much more confident and so much happier with my life. I could go into a social setting and just horrifically mess it up, and it wouldn't matter.

After making this revelation, I've been trying to devote my life to improving the lives of those around me instead of my own, because ultimately improving my life would result in nothing after I die, like all that happiness for NOTHING. Instead I want to try and make a butterfly effect, and I'm hoping that the more positivity I give the more positivity others will give.

Now it feels like I have two personalities, I have my human side where I still get anxious and I feel emotions, but I can easily disassociate from any situation by just reminding myself "none of this matters. My life is not significant", and I think this makes it a lot easier to live my life without letting obstacles affect me, and if anything does affect me I can just kill myself worry-free.

Sorry if this was long and irrelevant to other people, but it feels so good to finally get this out there.

 

[Vivisection]

I do the same thing!!
It's just like
Nothing matters! :D
it makes me really happy!!
It's super nice of you to be dedicated to being positive for others
remember to take care of yourself <3

 

[FadingSunshine]

It's so freeing, it feels like I can do anything and that my mind is no longer limiting. Really glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.

 

[SweetRolls3]

I can't get myself to let go of my worries so easily, unfortunately. I really resonate with you top paragraph though. My social anxiety was so bad that I would shake and stutter at school. And I always would hide my personality and interests, which then caused me to hate myself for being so bland. And blame myself for other people hating me.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm fundamentally broken. I just can't let go so easily because I know there's ppl out there living the life I desire. I keep going day after day mindlessly, but it's starting to look like there's only way out of it for me personally

 

[FadingSunshine]

I can't get myself to let go of my worries so easily, unfortunately. I really resonate with you top paragraph though. My social anxiety was so bad that I would shake and stutter at school. And I always would hide my personality and interests, which then caused me to hate myself for being so bland. And blame myself for other people hating me.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm fundamentally broken. I just can't let go so easily because I know there's ppl out there living the life I desire. I keep going day after day mindlessly, but it's starting to look like there's only way out of it for me personally

What really helped me was accepting that I changed as a person and I shouldn't expect myself to act the same way as the old me did. Also knowing I am different from others and accepting that, rather than hating myself for it.

 

[Shaylla1998]

For the majority of my life, I battled with extreme social anxiety. However, it was only a few years ago, around the age of 22 or 23, that I made the decision to disregard the opinions of others. I realized that trying to meet the expectations society has of me is an impossible task, especially since many of these expectations come from individuals who don't even know me or only know me partially.

The tremendous effort required to constantly concern myself with others' opinions outweighs the close to non existent benefits it brings. Each person holds their own unique beliefs about how others should behave and present themselves, and attempting to please one person often means disappointing someone else. Therefore, I have chosen to prioritize myself and my authenticity over the unrealistic demands of others.

 

[FadingSunshine]

For the majority of my life, I battled with extreme social anxiety. However, it was only a few years ago, around the age of 22 or 23, that I made the decision to disregard the opinions of others. I realized that trying to meet the expectations society has of me is an impossible task, especially since many of these expectations come from individuals who don't even know me or only know me partially.

The tremendous effort required to constantly concern myself with others' opinions outweighs the close to non existent benefits it brings. Each person holds their own unique beliefs about how others should behave and present themselves, and attempting to please one person often means disappointing someone else. Therefore, I have chosen to prioritize myself and my authenticity over the unrealistic demands of others.

I'm so happy of the progress you made, I'm still in the early stages of accepting myself. I know logically I shouldn't care, but sometimes I find myself subconsciously worrying about what people think about me. Social anxiety can seriously fuck up your life.

 

[MrDarkness]

Hey guys, I just gotta get this out here because I've never really verbalized this to anyone else. I'm 18, just graduated high school. I used to have really bad social anxiety, like I wouldn't willingly go outside. I've had it since I was 14. I would walk up to people and just have no idea what to say after they speak to me, like my mind just went blank. I felt like I was faking my entire personality and I was just a husk of my previous self. I felt completely empty and I hated myself for it. This turned into self-loathing every single day for years. I hated every aspect of myself.
I kept having these thoughts until February 5th of this year. It was then that I had the realization: I don't matter. My feelings don't matter. None of us matter. In the grand scheme of things, nothing we ever do will matter. Why should I care about anything in my life if it isn't significant? I might get into a horrific car crash and die, but the world keeps turning. Even if I had Jeff Bezos level of money and impact, I still wouldn't matter in 1,000 years and I definitely wouldn't matter to the rest of the universe.

This is such a freeing thought to me, knowing that nothing that happens to me really matters and the fact that I can exit whenever I want to makes me so much more confident and so much happier with my life. I could go into a social setting and just horrifically mess it up, and it wouldn't matter.

After making this revelation, I've been trying to devote my life to improving the lives of those around me instead of my own, because ultimately improving my life would result in nothing after I die, like all that happiness for NOTHING. Instead I want to try and make a butterfly effect, and I'm hoping that the more positivity I give the more positivity others will give.

Now it feels like I have two personalities, I have my human side where I still get anxious and I feel emotions, but I can easily disassociate from any situation by just reminding myself "none of this matters. My life is not significant", and I think this makes it a lot easier to live my life without letting obstacles affect me, and if anything does affect me I can just kill myself worry-free.

Sorry if this was long and irrelevant to other people, but it feels so good to finally get this out there.

Glad to see I found someone like myself, 18 just graduated high school, suffering from extreme anxiety. Try to help everyone else but my self, spent half my years hating myself, now finally at peace knowing I can off myself any time I want.
I hope your able to find peace either in life or death, if you ever wanna talk my dms are always open, also nice pfp Lmao

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be a relief to feel in such a way about existence and to know you aren't trapped here, I do believe that eventually it will very likely be like we never existed at all as I bet that most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here. Everything is destined to be forgotten about, we are only passing time until we are lost to the eternity of nothingness.