Sleeper System
Z z Z z Z z Z z Z z Z
- May 5, 2022
- 937
I propose this short rant to purge myself of the thought.
As humans, our default instinct is survival at all cost. The more intense the situation and the less time we have to think about something the more likely we are to flee from death or fight against it.
I went to the hospital today. Even though that's counterproductive to my inner desire to CTB. I had the thought that my lack of control about when I might die is insulting to me. I would hate dying from some unforeseen circumstance even though that is how many people go. The control of CTB is actually appealing in that way. Humans hate not having control or freedom.
My though was "because im not planning to die this very moment or want to die right now, I'll go to the doctor, because if I plan on still living for now then I need to be treated so my continued life isn't made worse somehow. "
It kinda made me sick to yield like that. The fear of sickness is a strong one when you feel it has the potential to change your life for real.
As humans, our default instinct is survival at all cost. The more intense the situation and the less time we have to think about something the more likely we are to flee from death or fight against it.
I went to the hospital today. Even though that's counterproductive to my inner desire to CTB. I had the thought that my lack of control about when I might die is insulting to me. I would hate dying from some unforeseen circumstance even though that is how many people go. The control of CTB is actually appealing in that way. Humans hate not having control or freedom.
My though was "because im not planning to die this very moment or want to die right now, I'll go to the doctor, because if I plan on still living for now then I need to be treated so my continued life isn't made worse somehow. "
It kinda made me sick to yield like that. The fear of sickness is a strong one when you feel it has the potential to change your life for real.
