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kovu

kovu

unendlichkeit
Nov 15, 2021
84
I let go by each date I set in the past; my only attempt up 'til now was born of impulsivity and, well, didn't end the way I hoped, as one might guess from this post and others. Nonetheless, I've taken a look at 2023 and the future and all, and concluded that Saturday, the 7th of January of 2023, may well be the best date I'll get.

The company I work for has a company-wide vacation until the 9th, so I'll get some rest and at-least-somewhat-peaceful days leading up to my death, as well as the opportunity to see my family one last time tomorrow. Along with having bought my favourite snacks from the local supermarket and being subscribed to streaming services so that I can rewatch my favourite films and all—along with some good books—I'd say it could be worse.

At my first and only attempt, I opted for partial hanging and made an error I'd avoid now; I'm more comfortable in my ability to do it properly this time around. At first, I wasn't even entirely sure if I was sad that I failed then, but that changed: I'm pretty confident now. And I regret letting slip by all my past dates; It could've all been over and done for without lots of needless struggle. Anyway, I'd rent a hotel room roughly a ten to fifteen-minute walk away, take everything I need with me in a rucksack and call it a day—a life—pretty soon after.

I'm writing this quite on impulse—how ironic—for no reason at all; I'm just feeling blue. I'll most likely schedule some bank transactions to give the rest of my money to my sisters, cancel all my subscriptions beforehand and, yeah, not much else to take care of; there hasn't ever really been anything important in my life that'd need to be taken care of now. I'm just sorry for every single person who's ever wasted their time on me, all the teachers and all—a lost cause from the very beginning.

Anyway, I hope you're doing better and wish you all the best.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
9,117
It sounds like you thought things through for yourself. In the end you are the only one who can determine what's best for you. The reasons we all end up here are as varied as the people who have them. Anyone's reason is personal and valid, if only to that person. If you have no reason to believe that things can get better, and maybe have done everything you can to make things better, sometimes the only other option is the last option. It's sad, but true. I hope you can get to your peace no matter how you need to get there, whether it is through living, or whether it is through leaving. We all deserve our peace in this world.
 
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SeenMoreThanEnough

Student
Sep 16, 2022
128
I let go by each date I set in the past; my only attempt up 'til now was born of impulsivity and, well, didn't end the way I hoped, as one might guess from this post and others. Nonetheless, I've taken a look at 2023 and the future and all, and concluded that Saturday, the 7th of January of 2023, may well be the best date I'll get.

The company I work for has a company-wide vacation until the 9th, so I'll get some rest and at-least-somewhat-peaceful days leading up to my death, as well as the opportunity to see my family one last time tomorrow. Along with having bought my favourite snacks from the local supermarket and being subscribed to streaming services so that I can rewatch my favourite films and all—along with some good books—I'd say it could be worse.

At my first and only attempt, I opted for partial hanging and made an error I'd avoid now; I'm more comfortable in my ability to do it properly this time around. At first, I wasn't even entirely sure if I was sad that I failed then, but that changed: I'm pretty confident now. And I regret letting slip by all my past dates; It could've all been over and done for without lots of needless struggle. Anyway, I'd rent a hotel room roughly a ten to fifteen-minute walk away, take everything I need with me in a rucksack and call it a day—a life—pretty soon after.

I'm writing this quite on impulse—how ironic—for no reason at all; I'm just feeling blue. I'll most likely schedule some bank transactions to give the rest of my money to my sisters, cancel all my subscriptions beforehand and, yeah, not much else to take care of; there hasn't ever really been anything important in my life that'd need to be taken care of now. I'm just sorry for every single person who's ever wasted their time on me, all the teachers and all—a lost cause from the very beginning.

Anyway, I hope you're doing better and wish you all the best.
Best of luck to you. I hope you find your peace.
 
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kovu

kovu

unendlichkeit
Nov 15, 2021
84
It sounds like you thought things through for yourself. In the end you are the only one who can determine what's best for you. The reasons we all end up here are as varied as the people who have them. Anyone's reason is personal and valid, if only to that person. If you have no reason to believe that things can get better, and maybe have done everything you can to make things better, sometimes the only other option is the last option. It's sad, but true. I hope you can get to your peace no matter how you need to get there, whether it is through living, or whether it is through leaving. We all deserve our peace in this world.
Thanks; I agree with your point of view, and I've definitely thought about it a lot—I'm practically living inside my head. There are still some avenues left unchecked for the many reasons I have, yet, from what I know of myself, they'd stay unchecked, and I'm tired. However, as it is a major decision, I'm allowing myself 'til New Year's to ponder a bit more; there'd need to be a significant turnaround if I were to stay alive to make my life liveable—and I don't see that happening at this point. Anyways, I'm rambling; I appreciate your comment. Thank you.
Best of luck to you. I hope you find your peace.
Thank you; I hope we all do.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,454
It must be a relief to feel so confident in your ctb method, I really do envy those with the courage for hanging, those who have managed to free themselves from this world are lucky to me. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you wish for.
 
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NeverEndingPain

NeverEndingPain

So tired of struggling
May 8, 2022
286
I let go by each date I set in the past; my only attempt up 'til now was born of impulsivity and, well, didn't end the way I hoped, as one might guess from this post and others. Nonetheless, I've taken a look at 2023 and the future and all, and concluded that Saturday, the 7th of January of 2023, may well be the best date I'll get.

The company I work for has a company-wide vacation until the 9th, so I'll get some rest and at-least-somewhat-peaceful days leading up to my death, as well as the opportunity to see my family one last time tomorrow. Along with having bought my favourite snacks from the local supermarket and being subscribed to streaming services so that I can rewatch my favourite films and all—along with some good books—I'd say it could be worse.

At my first and only attempt, I opted for partial hanging and made an error I'd avoid now; I'm more comfortable in my ability to do it properly this time around. At first, I wasn't even entirely sure if I was sad that I failed then, but that changed: I'm pretty confident now. And I regret letting slip by all my past dates; It could've all been over and done for without lots of needless struggle. Anyway, I'd rent a hotel room roughly a ten to fifteen-minute walk away, take everything I need with me in a rucksack and call it a day—a life—pretty soon after.

I'm writing this quite on impulse—how ironic—for no reason at all; I'm just feeling blue. I'll most likely schedule some bank transactions to give the rest of my money to my sisters, cancel all my subscriptions beforehand and, yeah, not much else to take care of; there hasn't ever really been anything important in my life that'd need to be taken care of now. I'm just sorry for every single person who's ever wasted their time on me, all the teachers and all—a lost cause from the very beginning.

Anyway, I hope you're doing better and wish you all the best.
Can I ask what error you made in your attempt? Hanging is also my method and I like to talk to others who choose this.
Do you know what your anchor point will be at the hotel?
I'm sorry it's come to this for you and hope I'm not being insensitive asking these questions. I should be offering you kind words. I'm just struggling like you are and trying to find my way out.
 
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kovu

kovu

unendlichkeit
Nov 15, 2021
84
Can I ask what error you made in your attempt? Hanging is also my method and I like to talk to others who choose this.
Do you know what your anchor point will be at the hotel?
I'm sorry it's come to this for you and hope I'm not being insensitive asking these questions. I should be offering you kind words. I'm just struggling like you are and trying to find my way out.
No worries, I don't find it insensitive. The error I made was using a belt; its clasp broke right when I was losing consciousness—vision fading out and all. Real sad, as all else worked perfectly. I could still breathe adequately, and it felt the least bit uncomfortable. At least it broke when it did, or I'd probably have brain damage now. Anyway, I don't know about anchoring points at the hotel, but I'm sure I'll find something...or I hope so. At least one singular thing in my life has to work out the way I want it to, no? Door handle or other. Nevertheless, I hope you'll manage, however you see fit.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Archangel
Apr 15, 2022
9,117
there'd need to be a significant turnaround if I were to stay alive to make my life liveable—and I don't see that happening at this point
Right there with you on this. Why would I expect anything to be different now, as has been for the past 30 years?
 
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flagmaster

flagmaster

Member
Oct 19, 2020
53
It sounds like you have a rational head on your shoulders and you've took plenty of time to think things through. It really is a huge decision when you're a conscious, living Human Being. It really won't matter once we've checked out, and we're all checking out sooner or later. I'd rather leave dignified, on my terms, instead of chronically sick and unable to do anything for myself. I see it most days in my job.. people who are end of life. It's devastating as nobody should be born to suffer like that.

Take care of your business and celebrate in your own way, your life. Eat your favourite foods, see your favourite people, watch your favourite shows etc. If it gives you something that makes you want to stay around for longer, no judgements here! It's one hell of a jump to decide when it's time to go. If you still feel like the 7th is your day to depart, then that's okay too. We will all wish you a very peaceful ending.

No matter what.. nothing but love and respect for you, for making this post. Take care
 
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D

damaged_soul

Student
Jul 30, 2022
199
I let go by each date I set in the past; my only attempt up 'til now was born of impulsivity and, well, didn't end the way I hoped, as one might guess from this post and others. Nonetheless, I've taken a look at 2023 and the future and all, and concluded that Saturday, the 7th of January of 2023, may well be the best date I'll get.

The company I work for has a company-wide vacation until the 9th, so I'll get some rest and at-least-somewhat-peaceful days leading up to my death, as well as the opportunity to see my family one last time tomorrow. Along with having bought my favourite snacks from the local supermarket and being subscribed to streaming services so that I can rewatch my favourite films and all—along with some good books—I'd say it could be worse.

At my first and only attempt, I opted for partial hanging and made an error I'd avoid now; I'm more comfortable in my ability to do it properly this time around. At first, I wasn't even entirely sure if I was sad that I failed then, but that changed: I'm pretty confident now. And I regret letting slip by all my past dates; It could've all been over and done for without lots of needless struggle. Anyway, I'd rent a hotel room roughly a ten to fifteen-minute walk away, take everything I need with me in a rucksack and call it a day—a life—pretty soon after.

I'm writing this quite on impulse—how ironic—for no reason at all; I'm just feeling blue. I'll most likely schedule some bank transactions to give the rest of my money to my sisters, cancel all my subscriptions beforehand and, yeah, not much else to take care of; there hasn't ever really been anything important in my life that'd need to be taken care of now. I'm just sorry for every single person who's ever wasted their time on me, all the teachers and all—a lost cause from the very beginning.

Anyway, I hope you're doing better and wish you all the best.
Please be careful about the bank transactions, your sisters could get suspicious that you're going to kill yourself soon.
 
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Reactions: kovu
kovu

kovu

unendlichkeit
Nov 15, 2021
84
It sounds like you have a rational head on your shoulders and you've took plenty of time to think things through. It really is a huge decision when you're a conscious, living Human Being. It really won't matter once we've checked out, and we're all checking out sooner or later. I'd rather leave dignified, on my terms, instead of chronically sick and unable to do anything for myself. I see it most days in my job.. people who are end of life. It's devastating as nobody should be born to suffer like that.

Take care of your business and celebrate in your own way, your life. Eat your favourite foods, see your favourite people, watch your favourite shows etc. If it gives you something that makes you want to stay around for longer, no judgements here! It's one hell of a jump to decide when it's time to go. If you still feel like the 7th is your day to depart, then that's okay too. We will all wish you a very peaceful ending.

No matter what.. nothing but love and respect for you, for making this post. Take care
Thanks, I'd always thought myself rational and somewhat..."above" emotion, too; yet that's quite contrary to reality where I go from the most content I can be to deeply suicidal within an hour. I'm not too fond of the way those emotions dictate my existence. And all you said about leaving on one's terms; it gets you thinking about everything horrid going on in this world. I've mostly stopped reading the news, and I don't ever want to become indifferent—I think sometimes I'm just plagued by Weltschmerz.

In the end, the 7th's just the most ideal of days I may get in quite some time; a day that'd spare me quite some time. If I'd decide against the 7th, it'd surely still end the same way, just at another time. Just so, I don't want to rush it. And I don't want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, nor do I want to be pessimistic to no end.

Anyway, I'm rambling again; thank you for your comment. I hope you're doing well.
Please be careful about the bank transactions, your sisters could get suspicious that you're going to kill yourself soon.
I'd schedule them, so they only happen hours after the fact; those transactions shouldn't be the hill my suicide dies on. Thanks for your concern, though.
 

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