Venting Connecting with others

[ScaredOfMachines]

I constantly fail to make any connections with anyone, on top of an uncertain future. I have an obvious case of autism, and I think it's what's prevented me from befriending others my whole life. No matter what I do, I either end up driving someone away or annoy them so much that they want nothing to do with me. It doesn't matter who or where, it's always the same. The only person who hasn't thrown me away is my father, who regularly admits he doesn't understand me. Not to mention that if I ever wake up one day and decide that I actually want to live my life, I'll have to throw him away because he prevents me from transitioning and basically controls all my assets at this point.

I just want a normal friendship, something where it's just another person and I chatting casually and understanding each other. I thought I might have actually had a chance- I went to the psych ward a couple months ago, and there I met a girl with a mental disability who seemed to really understand me, and we got along really well. I was so excited, thinking that this could be my chance to turn things around, but after we got out she ghosted me. Not even people like me want anything to do me, and it just makes me wonder what connecting with others is actually like. At this rate I'm doomed to be alone, so I was just wondering how actually having people around feels, and if it affects your will to CTB at all.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I kinda understand, since I have being "outcast" most of the time in my life- I never learned to socialize or treat people good enough, I never learned to put on boundaries, or see trough peoples needs and and intentions. Having manners and respects makes it easier for others to accept you.