Discussion Confusion

[bluupup]

I think I'm getting better? I cant fully believe it because I'm probably just gonna go into like, a major depressive season once winter hits. I haven't cut to SH in a while, just self surgery. about a month I think??? and yes I do small operations on myself whenever I feel its needed. how can I tell if I'm actually getting better?? I'm so confused. nothing in life has changed. but yet I still feel happy, more talkative, energetic, ect. I don't even know if I want to CTB anymore. I haven't felt this good since I was what, 4 years old? back when I was working on water parks, helping my dad. before I knew what he was doing to me. before I knew he was abusing my mom. before he ever tried to hang himself in front of me. god, I miss those days. I wish I could just be blissfully ignorant once again, but I know it'll never be that way. That's how life works, I guess.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I think I'm getting better? I cant fully believe it because I'm probably just gonna go into like, a major depressive season once winter hits. I haven't cut to SH in a while, just self surgery. about a month I think??? and yes I do small operations on myself whenever I feel its needed. how can I tell if I'm actually getting better?? I'm so confused. nothing in life has changed. but yet I still feel happy, more talkative, energetic, ect. I don't even know if I want to CTB anymore. I haven't felt this good since I was what, 4 years old? back when I was working on water parks, helping my dad. before I knew what he was doing to me. before I knew he was abusing my mom. before he ever tried to hang himself in front of me. god, I miss those days. I wish I could just be blissfully ignorant once again, but I know it'll never be that way. That's how life works, I guess.

Being blissfully ignorant as a kid was the best, unfortunately it's impossible to return to that. I'm sorry you had to go through all those terrible things, but it's great that you're feeling better. I think it's normal to be a bit confused abt it, but you're making progress and you can be proud of it