Help Confused about my mother

[wurr]

Today my mother was in a different city until 11 pm. Before she came it was quite a good day, and I felt kinda happy. I took care of myself, and did things around the house. And then she came, and started her usual routine of complaining about everything and criticising everything about me which threw me back into my usual state.

My mom is a very emotional person. She cannot hold any thoughts that bother her, so if she is having a bad day or smt she will make sure that ur having a bad day too. Ig throwing her anger at other people is acoping mechanism for her. She's also very much a "helicopter parent" and is very controlling. When I was younger I would have my phone and all my belongings secretly checked by her all the time. She doesn't do this as often as she used to now, but she still controls my appearance and where I go and what I do. If I refuse to listen to her she screams about how ungrateful, pathetic and bad I am. I also have no trust in her, as she showed me numerous times that if I tell her about any of my thoughts, interest, and worries she will use them against me someway. Our constant fighting lead to me starting self harming, and later trying to ctb. She tells me how I can tell her about my feelings, but that's such a fucking lie. One instance is when she first found out about my self harm habits. It was at a doctor's appointment. I had to lift my sleeve up just to reveal that everything from wrist to elbow on my left hand is cut up (this made me start cutting on thighs and hips instead of hands). Her reaction was mostly of disappointment that I am "ruining my body" which will make nobody like me, and that the doctor is going to report it to authorities (we never heard nothing from authorities, so looks like she didn't). She tried to ask me why I'm doing it, but I refused to answer bc ik that telling her anything is not safe. This lead to her telling me that I am a freak that enjoys cutting himself, after which she slammed the door. She never even told my dad about this, which shows how much she wants to control the situation. As you can see we don't have the best relationship. Her actions make me feel anxious, sad, scared, and angry just if she's around, but happy and calm when she's not around. I feel so ungrateful and evil because of my feelings towards her. She may not be the best mom but she provides me with necessities, buys me gifts for my birthday, very rarely used physical punishment, and ig worries about me? Why would she be so controlling if she didn't worry about me. + I'm very convinced that her actions are caused by poor mental health too. She always told me how she had a rough upbringing, and that her mother was very strict. There are probably other issues that she has that she doesn't talk about.

So yeah. I would like to see if anyone had a similar problem to my, and if there's any way to resolve it?

 

[puella]

You're mom sounds like she needs to work on herself a lot. There's not that much you can do to fix the situation. Try to move out ASAP, I think you'll be much happier then. And it'll be much easier for you to keep a healthy relationship with your mom if there's distance. In the meantime, try to avoid talking about sensitive subjects that could trigger a negative response. I'm sorry it's been hard on you.

 

[Ailashan]

Hi there, first of all i wanna precise that my opinion might be biaised by my own (bad) relationship with my mom so you should take it with a grain of salt but in my opinion

she showed me numerous times that if I tell her about any of my thoughts, interest, and worries she will use them against me someway

This

She tells me how I can tell her about my feelings, but that's such a fucking lie

This

Her reaction was mostly of disappointment that I am "ruining my body" which will make nobody like me, and that the doctor is going to report it to authorities

This

This lead to her telling me that I am a freak that enjoys cutting himself, after which she slammed the door. She never even told my dad about this, which shows how much she wants to control the situation

And most importantly THIS, are all huge red flags from your mom. If she tries to use your own worries, insecurities and problems against you, and is untrustworthy, it is really hard to think that she is a healthy person to be with. Threatening you to tell the authorities about personnal things such as SH is just disgusting and hiding things from your dad to have a better control over you is borderline a psycopathic behavior. I wouldnt go as far as saying that she hates you but in my opinion she is not a great person for you. A parent should educate their kid and try to make them a better person, not use them as some sort of emotionnal punching bag.

 

[wurr]

You're mom sounds like she needs to work on herself a lot. There's not that much you can do to fix the situation. Try to move out ASAP, I think you'll be much happier then. And it'll be much easier for you to keep a healthy relationship with your mom if there's distance. In the meantime, try to avoid talking about sensitive subjects that could trigger a negative response. I'm sorry it's been hard on you.

Thank you. I just finished high school this spring, so I need some time to save up and find a job that can pay for the rent. But yes, I do want to move out as fast as I can, and I am trying to work on that