SocialSoil

SocialSoil

for the first and last time i guess
Aug 15, 2024
43
So, I have 2 friends, A and B, with who I've known each other for almost 3 years. They both know about my intentions to ctb, and both know I wanna make lifetime contract with rutial agency for cremation.

When I was told that I need proxy for contract to be present, I wrote to both A and B asking if they could help me. It was around 3 days before the fight. B didn't know if she could, and B didn't either, but they both were warned. Yesterday B wrote that she will have day off today and can come with me. I warned her that we will have to go to notary first, then to agency, and on weekends they both work by shortened schedule, so she will have to wake up early. She said ok.

I also wanna note that yesterday she last texted me at 10pm, knowing that she had to get up early. I know that she also takes pills at night (with heavy sedative effect). And as in theory she could take them and go to bed earlier to wake up feeling refreshened by early morning. And I also realize she is working and will need long rest, so that's why I also wanted to make everything quick so she will go back to sleeping. I mean, I was gonna pay for everything, from her only her passport and presence are needed.

In the morning I texted her the addresses and schedules of notary and agency around 7 am. At 8.30 I'm in town, I hang out till 9 am. She doesn't answer my messages or calls. I start to get aggressive. I mean, she knew it's serious for me, she knew she needs to wake up early, and she very often tends to oversleep something she agreed on. And now I see that again, but at the important event - really? At the same time, 9:20, I talked to A, and she agreed to go to town at 9:40. I write to B that if she won't be active by 9:40 she can go back to her precious sleep. Like imagine situaction at my place, I don't even know what the hell is going on, she won't answer to anything yet she knew she needs to be up early.

At 9:40 I call her again - nothing. I had blew up completely and at this point just wrote her voice message full of aggression. You know, she agreed to wake up early - I don't think 10 am is 'early'. It's annoying and disappointing.
She answers at... 9:48 am. That she just woke up by alarm clock, and she didn't know I was at town by 8 am, and I needed to write when she needs to wake up. I reminded her about 'getting up early' and 'early'=6am-9am. She answers 'For me, early means 9 am'. She woke up at 9:48. If she wanted to get rest at her day off - she could have said it. If she knows she won't wake up early, she could have said it. But she would step outta her apartment at 10 am. Notice, until 9:48 I didn't know what the hell is happening. So... I blacklisted her, she did same in return.

She knows it was important to me. At the end, A arrived, we got to notary and eventually booked proper session on next weekend. I'm not sure if I wanna go back to talking with B. It's not the first time she could oversleep something, often I felt like she doesn't give a crap about me. But this? When she knows things are serious? Uh...
 
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apearl

apearl

mitski fan
Sep 25, 2023
79
I'm sorry that happened to you, I was so shocked when you said she said that 9am was early for her. She should know that if you say early then you are inferring your idea of early, not hers. Im glad you got it sorted out with friend A.
 
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Deep Breaths
Aug 25, 2018
458
When making plans, best practice will be to use specific details. "Meet me at this specific location by this specific time." And then have the other person confirm it. Also, if scheduling something in advance, it's good to re-confirm either the night before or on the morning-of, again repeating the details.

Your friend deals with sedating effects from medication and didn't know a specific time she was supposed to adhere to.

You were dealing with an important and stressful situation which was then aggravated by your friend's lack of response.

This primarily reads as just "an unfortunate set of circumstances" where neither of you were necessarily in the wrong. Depending on how hard you went at her in the voice message, you might have to walk that back (apologize) if you want to save the friendship.

I'd also think about whether your feelings about this are only because of this specific situation, or if there were underlying issues between the two of you that might have made this worse than it normally would have been.
 
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