But at some point the repercussions started to catch up to me, and it was apparent to family, so I decided to recover. Now I'm back to wanting to fucking die. So... Not sure how smart that was.
TDLR:
I can relate to that state of mind, but I can't say whether it's worth it or not, though it could be case-sensitive of course.
It's nice that you've found someone that's lessened your suffering, best regards.
In my experience, complacency worsens the suffering that follows. Each iteration gets harder to deal with. When your relationship ends and you're alone again, your suffering will return but with added flavor.
I know this is really morose, but I've never in my life experienced a different pattern of events. There's a calm nothingness followed by a storm of suffering, numbed out for a while and somehow find your way back to calm nothingness so the cycle can repeat.
How do we break the cycle?
Thanks very much both of you, RealHumanBean and BandAddict, for sharing your experiences. It's all totally interesting, insightful, and helpful to me. Your conclusions are very similar too...post-complacency is more suffering. And we all wonder if it's worth. How do we break the cycle.....well, fix the core issues but of course if we could do
that.....
i guess i'll ride this out and keep preparing for the bus, so when it ends, i don't need to panic, can just go all ready.
the query you pose here is imo a philosophical matter. or, at least, I look at this through the lenses of absurdism/existentialism/nihilism. and then of course whatever conclusion you or I or the holy spirit of David Bowie come to as a result will be entirely unique and subjective.
personally, I don't think complacency can be a lifelong state. it's bound to end sooner than one would like and often leaves us worse than where we started before finding complacent ground. but does that make it unworthy of being experienced? I can only answer that for myself, as you for yourself etc etc.
I'm not exactly sure how I'd answer this for myself. part of me is and always has been that artist seeking life experience to create and draw from, and would dive in, because why the hell not? I'm gonna die, and ideally I'll be in control of when and how I die, so .. sticking around to see what one particular Rollercoaster ride has to offer does have some appeal in my mind. but then a much larger fragment of my person knows the experience and its potential positive perceptions must come to a halt eventually, and I know I won't enjoy that and the feelings that might awaken - why bother?
I guess, in trying to look at this contemplation in a way at all 'positive', I'd revisit Camus and absurdism as a whole. (if I've misunderstood philosophical theories, please do let me know, lol.) existence has no meaning outside of what we build for ourselves, but that lack of external acknowledgment/understanding shouldn't be a deterrent to experiencing existence as it reveals itself to each of us.
so, I guess I have no idea either.
specifically thinking about romantic arrangements though, I'm not into that. I'm not aromantic, but I enjoy being single and I feel if I were to want to find/build a relationship I'd need to be in a substantially improved state of being and mind, neither of which are likely or feasible- at least not at this time.
I can see how finding positivity in romance would lead to possible optimism, and maybe I'm just a bitter jaded bitch, but I wouldn't want to open myself up for any further wounds. I definitely would (and have!) get the happy happy joy joy feelings and feel a possibly similar conflict, though. so, my sympathies.
You make excellent points. Rhetoric is good. x3 I intended to pose my question in a pretty pragmatic way; like, the question of whether experiencing a state of complacency is worth it, isn't the Q, but rather, for long is it worth it. But I think we agree that the experience itself does certainly have value. It's just after a while, the absurdism of existence/any experience catches up.
Props to you for wanting to be in a matter state of mind before getting romantically involved. Def agree that's important. i'll probably actually make a thread soon about how my partner is also suicidal and how us being together how we are is........wow. Single life is dope. FWB is dope. Procreating is lame. Romantic partnership where one or more parties is having severe mental problems is harsh. But not impossible. Communication is best.
You mean, why would one want to do something one doesn't want to do? Or why one keeps doing something one doesn't want to do?
Both; either.
I love your whole party/congress way of thinking about this.
Processing these questions with the same framework, the output would be: if my devotion lies in the Quality party, then, if this complacency is characterized by good things in life outweighing bad things in life (since the relationship was started and until now), then yes. Otherwise no.
Using this formula then, well, my complacency I would say isn't 'quality' or 'good life' so falling into "Otherwise no."
It seems I and everyone who replied agree that post-complacency is more suffering. Indeed the best route to take seems to roll with this staying alive as long as it's suitable and not worry about being stuck with it because it will end. While rolling, continue to prepare for ctb, and then when the suffering is back, am able to board in a timely manner without panic.
there is a part of me still concerned about being one of those who stays alive too long and does somehow feel stuck in life, ctb somehow beyond reach, but this life doesn't seem to be headed in that direction hopefully.. shall try very diligently to steer away. complacency feels guilty too but shall roll for now....
