Venting Comparing Yourself to Others

[Açucarzinho583]

I find myself comparing myself at home, where I should feel safe. "James already graduated from college, has a good job, is handsome... Why don't you follow his example? He was always so dedicated, focused on his studies, and look where it got him! I just want the best for you, I want you to have a good life, a secure future. You have so much potential, but you need to dedicate yourself more, you need to make the right choices. Look at how James succeeded; you can do it too, you just need to try harder," my mother says, without realizing how much those words hurt me.

Looking at social media, then, is like a torture session. It's as if, even without wanting to, you end up comparing yourself to all those beautiful bodies, those seemingly successful and happy lives. I know that social media is just a showcase, a snippet of what people want to display, but I can't help it. I feel that no matter how much I do, I'll never be enough. I'll never measure up.

Why can't I just be happy with who I am, with what I have? Why does everything have to be a competition, a constant search for something more?

 

[Mirrory Me]

That happens, our parents or people could try to push us in a certain direction in life, but what about us- are we here just to mold ourselfs so we can "fit in"? Should we just consider what other people think and want from us?

 

[graysme]

I understand you very well. I don't have a judging family, but I still compare myself to every very successful person who's around my age that I see online.

This guy did this, that guy put himself out with an idea I also had and actually succeeded. Why am I so scared of doing anything at all? And years go by and I don't do anything, while I watch other people having success, while I stand still, feeling stuck in the same place.

I don't know if I'm just being consumed by capitalism or if I'm truly ashamed of myself. Either way, this is one of the things that hurt me the most.

 

[divinemistress36]

We are humans we will never be satisfied we will always compare

 

[Jeav]

Comparison is a trap and a vicious cycle. To live happily, you need to create your own space or bubble where you're free from any influence. Your mother might not realize the harm that comparison can cause—it's an issue that affects people globally. Unfortunately, our collective consciousness hasn't yet evolved enough to break free from this destructive cycle.

For someone spiritual like me, I understand that this journey is crucial for raising our consciousness. It teaches us to love and accept ourselves as we are. In turn, we can guide our families to learn a valuable lesson: they must love and accept their children as they are, even when the world seems to be against them.

What you can do is kindly ask your family to ease up on comparisons, explaining that it hurts you. If that doesn't work, it might be necessary to distance yourself for your own well-being. That's what I did, and it worked—I'm already seeing positive changes in how they behave

Good luck :)

 

[devils~advocate]

I'd say to stay away from the social media...esp facebook.....its almost like an exhibition of one's self but only the good parts. Some people post about whats going on in their lives almost as a way of boasting to others & inspiring jealousy.

My spouse does this...compares their life with what they see others are doing in social media...then realizes something (whatever that is) is missing from their life......
And for some of it, I am to blame for keeping them from getting it. They don't say thats where it is coming from.....but I know. Its a viscous cycle....and tiring.
It can be psychological torture.....I know my spouse has had anxiety from doing this.

 

[-Link-]

Your mother sounds like she's either in denial or just lacking in enlightenment.

I wonder if she has any clue as to how much her words sting.

While I'm reading a profound lack of understanding in your mother's words, what I'm also gleaning from this is that she has a great love and care for her children. Would that be accurate, or...? If so, I would try to focus on the intention behind her words rather than on her choice of words.

I know that social media is just a showcase, a snippet of what people want to display, but I can't help it.

I would go a bit further with this.

As you look around on social media... That person who's out every night with a dozen friends, a decent job, posting this and that, and who's engaged to a long-term partner -- for all you know, that person could be dealing with a soul-crushing loneliness and having many of the same thoughts you do.

You said it yourself, "Why does everything have to be a competition, a constant search for something more?" This is part of being human. This is human nature. To constantly need more, do more, be better, be happier. It takes great effort to suppress these feelings within us, and everyone deals with this, even neurotypicals.

So those people you're comparing yourself to on social media... Who knows, some of them could even be on this site!! You never know what could be going on in people's lives, and especially in their minds. Darkness comes in many forms.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I find myself comparing myself at home, where I should feel safe. "James already graduated from college, has a good job, is handsome... Why don't you follow his example? He was always so dedicated, focused on his studies, and look where it got him! I just want the best for you, I want you to have a good life, a secure future. You have so much potential, but you need to dedicate yourself more, you need to make the right choices. Look at how James succeeded; you can do it too, you just need to try harder," my mother says, without realizing how much those words hurt me.

Looking at social media, then, is like a torture session. It's as if, even without wanting to, you end up comparing yourself to all those beautiful bodies, those seemingly successful and happy lives. I know that social media is just a showcase, a snippet of what people want to display, but I can't help it. I feel that no matter how much I do, I'll never be enough. I'll never measure up.

Why can't I just be happy with who I am, with what I have? Why does everything have to be a competition, a constant search for something more?

A lot of it is all a front. Many people have problems that you will never see.

 

[divinemistress36]

A lot of it is all a front. Many people have problems that you will never see.

Even Elon Musk has depression he takes Ketamine for it

 

[William01]

I can relate to this alright. Im guilty of this big time! Seeing ppl and comparing myself at times can even start a more severe depressive episode

What also really sucks, is seeing the achievements of ppl that helped make my life hell during school- its so so unfair, theyve seemed to achieve what society would doctate a normal existence.. and then theres me! Also ppl I generally knew from school days that didn't make my life hell tebd to do it as well.

It's an awful thinking trap. Being told in therapy, "oh you don't know what there life is really like" , true but there is visual evidence of success .

 

[lnlybnny]

I understand. They say comparison is the thief of joy and it's true but it's impossible not to compare yourself to others. I find myself falling into this trap all the time, even though I wouldn't trade my personality for normies they still intrigue me... How can they strive so much to fit in and thrive in it, have goals and dreams? It's a puzzle to me. Meanwhile there's me, barely having energy to get out of bed. All of this adds up to my shame.

 

[divinemistress36]

I can relate to this alright. Im guilty of this big time! Seeing ppl and comparing myself at times can even start a more severe depressive episode

What also really sucks, is seeing the achievements of ppl that helped make my life hell during school- its so so unfair, theyve seemed to achieve what society would doctate a normal existence.. and then theres me! Also ppl I generally knew from school days that didn't make my life hell tebd to do it as well.

It's an awful thinking trap. Being told in therapy, "oh you don't know what there life is really like" , true but there is visual evidence of success .

I agree! They may still have problems but they are better off then us!