Coming to terms with Suicide.

[90starve]

since choosing my date, i have spent my days pondering suicide a lot. it all now seems like a very rational and probable outcome.

i initially decided to choose a date because, for years, i had been stuck in a constant battle between wanting so fucking much to end my life, and wanting to hang on just in case - im certain a lot of you can understand the frustration and upset this causes.

im very confident in my method, and i trust that it will be peaceful and successful when the time comes - i think this confidence has led way to my thinking that it's okay for me to end my life. im okay with it, and the idea of dying no longer brings me anxiety.

i think i have finally come to terms with the fact that my life will end by my own hand, and on my own terms. it's a very nice feeling - i feel at peace with my own mind. i feel contently mellow in my own thoughts, and they no longer torment me relentlessly - and i have read that many of you feel the same way when arriving at this same mindset.

not including today, i have 548 days to go.

i hope you're all having a wonderful day. if not, i hope that it's at least satisfactory <3

 

[Justnotme]

It's so good that your mind is at rest.
People say that when a person wants to commit suicide, it means that a person is not in harmony with the world. People say that you need to do yoga and explore the world. They say that we need to look at what is happening in the world in a different way
I think it's nonsense
If a person feels calm at the thought of suicide, it means that he is in harmony with himself. And this is more important than accepting everything that happens in the world and "learning to live" in this world further in order to conform to this concept of "harmony", which is the most common.
Everyone has their own concept and sense of harmony.

In general, I envy you kindly :)
I also want to feel absolutely calm
I definitely want to die, and I feel really bad.
But I feel bad not because I want to die, but because I live in a world that I absolutely don't like.
I have moments when I feel completely calm, when I think that I could have died by my own hand.
But I've been afraid for a long time.
I hope that soon I will reach the same mental balance as you

May I know which method you have chosen?

 

[Aisley]

It's just like knowing when your shift will end. That's why I call it 'running out the clock'.

 

[90starve]

People say that when a person wants to commit suicide, it means that a person is not in harmony with the world. People say that you need to do yoga and explore the world. They say that we need to look at what is happening in the world in a different way
I think it's nonsense

i think you're right. i despise the fact that suicide is viewed as inherently bad, and not a viable option in our society - just the same way people have decided rain is inherently bad weather. i just don't believe there is any wrong in wanting to exit this world.

im sure, like me, you have tried to see the world in a different light - but with all this evil, suicide still just seems like the most logical solution.

But I feel bad not because I want to die, but because I live in a world that I absolutely don't like.
I have moments when I feel completely calm, when I think that I could have died by my own hand.
But I've been afraid for a long time.
I hope that soon I will reach the same mental balance as you

yes, i sympathise with you for this - unfortunately, the stigma around death, and suicide in particular, means that many of us adopt fearful opinions and views of the idea.

this "mental balance", as you so well described it, was something that i felt i was required to have in order to be legitimately suicidal. i felt guilty for feeling this way, while not actually being sure that death is what i wanted.

i believe that you can get to this mindset too. it just sort of clicked for me <3

May I know which method you have chosen?

of course! i have chosen Carbon Monoxide Poisoning via Burning Charcoal and Transferring to a Tent. it's taking a lot of thorough research to get my plan straight - but with 548 days left to get it right, im not worried.

i'd be happy to answer any questions about the method, to the best of my ability :) and thankyou so much for sharing your thoughts <3

It's just like knowing when your shift will end. That's why I call it 'running out the clock'.

yes! that's exactly how it feels - i love your take on this <3

 

[MrDarkness]

I've been able to find peace, I don't have a day or anything, I'm waiting for my lowest to hit, I can't wait to hang myself for real, I can be free and not worry anymore, my heart will no longer hurt, and if I become brain dead, my family will put me off life support

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Being in peace with the decision must be really relieving! I wish you all the best!

 

[The anhedonic one]

Finally losing the grip that hope has upon us is a beautiful thing.
It then becomes a truly liberating feeling to fully realise that we are going to end this suffering by our own hand.
I wish you a successful and peaceful exit when your beautiful release from suffering finally comes around.

 

[90starve]

I've been able to find peace, I don't have a day or anything, I'm waiting for my lowest to hit, I can't wait to hang myself for real, I can be free and not worry anymore, my heart will no longer hurt, and if I become brain dead, my family will put me off life support

im happy that you were able to find your peace too <3 i can understand how you feel - it is strangely exciting to think that one day soon i will finally be going through with it.

also, it must be nice to have security in knowing your family would not keep you alive in a vegetative state - i hope for the same thing if all goes terribly wrong!

Being in peace with the decision must be really relieving! I wish you all the best!

thankyou for your kind words, as always <3 it's a feeling i never thought i'd have, but definitely a big weight off my shoulders.

Finally losing the grip that hope has upon us is a beautiful thing.
It then becomes a truly liberating feeling to fully realise that we are going to end this suffering by our own hand.
I wish you a successful and peaceful exit when your beautiful release from suffering finally comes around.

yes - i agree my friend, it's a beautiful thing.
i always thought that i would have to end my life impulsively, because i didn't think the decision would be something i'd ever have control or courage over - but i have grown to become very calm with the idea now.

i hope your day is going well <3

 

[The anhedonic one]

im happy that you were able to find your peace too <3 i can understand how you feel - it is strangely exciting to think that one day soon i will finally be going through with it.

also, it must be nice to have security in knowing your family would not keep you alive in a vegetative state - i hope for the same thing if all goes terribly wrong!


thankyou for your kind words, as always <3 it's a feeling i never thought i'd have, but definitely a big weight off my shoulders.


yes - i agree my friend, it's a beautiful thing.
i always thought that i would have to end my life impulsively, because i didn't think the decision would be something i'd ever have control or courage over - but i have grown to become very calm with the idea now.

i hope your day is going well <3

Every day that gets closer to CTB is a day that is going well I guess, regardless of how awful things really are.
I'm so happy for you to have reached that state of acceptance and clarity.
I hope your day is going well too <3

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be a relief to feel so at peace, I wish you the best.