Losing the love of my life of many years and having then endured many years of pain due to that after has really helped me come to terms with wanting to kill myself. He is a huge reason why I want to, and due to the nature of the situation, rightfully so. In a way, losing him and all the fake promises he made allowed me to realize I really am a burden and am only good when my disability isn't an issue. Losing him was the final push I needed to want to try and commit suicide again. If it wasn't for him playing with my heart and misleading me in the end, I wouldn't have had the courage to finally try to die again.
I now realize how burdening I am and HES yet another person I can add to the list of people I am a burden too. I guess because I love him, it made it easy for me to want to die when I lost him. Im now at a point where I'm super comfortable with killing myself, and am happy YEARS of pain will soon be over. I'm thrilled I no longer have to suffer, and it also makes it easy knowing my death won't affect anyone. In a way, I am grateful to be in a position where the only guilt I have is towards my cat whom I love dearly. Other than that, I feel so at ease knowing I am going to die. Nobody cares about you unless you're neurotypical and this world wasn't made for neurodivergent people at all in my opinion. Im happy to be dead soon; im happy by the end of august I'll be in a world where I won't be suffering any longer. It's the biggest sense of relief and freedom for me. For years due to this heartbreak ive been unable to feel anything. I cannot have sex, I struggle to keep food down, and my hormones are out of whack so badly that doctors couldn't fix it and believe me, they tried. For those saying "it gets better" don't believe them. They were privileged enough to have a second chance at life and they're so spoiled socially that they think everyone is just as lucky as them. You most likely won't have shit improve but if you want to drag your life out to see if that magical moment happens, by all means go ahead. I'm just happy I'm not falling for that lie, and that I have control over whether or not I stay breathing. It also is easy to go through with death when our world is falling apart. Food shortages, formula shortages, reproductive rights being removed… the list goes on. I'm satisfied with the fact I won't have to stay alive and endure our "new america" and the shit that comes with it.
Is anyone else completely comfortable with Knowing they are doing to die?
I now realize how burdening I am and HES yet another person I can add to the list of people I am a burden too. I guess because I love him, it made it easy for me to want to die when I lost him. Im now at a point where I'm super comfortable with killing myself, and am happy YEARS of pain will soon be over. I'm thrilled I no longer have to suffer, and it also makes it easy knowing my death won't affect anyone. In a way, I am grateful to be in a position where the only guilt I have is towards my cat whom I love dearly. Other than that, I feel so at ease knowing I am going to die. Nobody cares about you unless you're neurotypical and this world wasn't made for neurodivergent people at all in my opinion. Im happy to be dead soon; im happy by the end of august I'll be in a world where I won't be suffering any longer. It's the biggest sense of relief and freedom for me. For years due to this heartbreak ive been unable to feel anything. I cannot have sex, I struggle to keep food down, and my hormones are out of whack so badly that doctors couldn't fix it and believe me, they tried. For those saying "it gets better" don't believe them. They were privileged enough to have a second chance at life and they're so spoiled socially that they think everyone is just as lucky as them. You most likely won't have shit improve but if you want to drag your life out to see if that magical moment happens, by all means go ahead. I'm just happy I'm not falling for that lie, and that I have control over whether or not I stay breathing. It also is easy to go through with death when our world is falling apart. Food shortages, formula shortages, reproductive rights being removed… the list goes on. I'm satisfied with the fact I won't have to stay alive and endure our "new america" and the shit that comes with it.
Is anyone else completely comfortable with Knowing they are doing to die?
