Help Coming out as Trans

[EternalShore]

Hey~ :) I would like to come out as a trans girl to my parents, but I'm scared, so I would like to ask for advice on how to do so first! ^_^
I've had dysphoria since June 2018, and it's caused me quite a lot of agony since then! :( always wanting to be more girly, wear cuter clothes, etc.~ This was fine and all, but I fell in love with a guy and have started dating him, and now, I really do need to come out~ Unfortunately, I know my parents are conservative Christians (just like me actually~ Teehee~) and my mom and I go to church regularly, so doing so is definitely not going to be easy! >_< To be super safe (avoiding getting kicked out), I can theoretically wait until I can live with him in 2026 or 2027, but that's going to take forever, and I'd really like to go on estrogen/anti-T stuff as soon as I can, so I can pass as soon as I can! :D My bf says I don't quite pass yet, but I'm both cute and close, so I really want to, so I can pass as soon as possible! >w<
The thing is~ My parents already know about most of all my girl clothes and heavily suspect that I am~ It's just that I either answer vaguely when they try to talk about it or dodge the questions~ btw, my mother seems to be more sympathetic towards me in this instance while my dad does not, although they always try to agree on everything to keep their marriage~
Any advice you can give on how to come out given all this info! :3 or any more questions you would like to ask to be able to give better advice!? :D
Thank you very much and have a wonderful day! ^_^

 

[MrFreshTheCat]

Well, first i have to say that i dont have any similar experience to yours and that i may not be the best person to give advice about anything, but as you i also have a better relationship with my mother and by what you are saying i would surely tell her first in privacy, if they already suspect it just tell her that you really need her suport with your choice and also need some help with your dad, thats the only thing i could advice you, i really wish you the best

 

[dragonofenvy]

I guess my question would be why specifically do you want to come out to them? What do you gain by doing so? What do you lose if you do?

You mention your parents are conservative Christians. My mother is a liberal Christian, whereas my father is a conservative Agnostic. My mother abhorred the idea of me going to a lesbian friend's house, because reasons I guess. My father was the one who taught me to be accepting of gay people, etc. My mother, yeah no. So if I had the experience of a conservative parent subverting the - let's be frank - the stereotype of conservatives being hateful, well you might be surprised once you actually give them a chance and let your perceptions be challenged. That or they'll hate you for it and not subvert expectations. Or they won't care. Or they'll be upset at first and then be accepting. They're gonna love you no matter what if they're decent parents, but don't think of it as "They will hate me or not hate me," rather "This might cause them to have a hard time, but I hope we can work through it."

Think about it from their perspective as well. This is gonna be quite a shock to them, and they are going to be very confused. You can't try to force them to mold into the perfect parents you want to be when you come out. Generally speaking, my logic is that if you approach someone with compassion, even if they're not compassionate themselves, eventually the reasonings for their beliefs will come out in a way that is easily handled and discussed civilly.

Bear in mind, I've never come out as anything. While I have no experience, the perspectives of the inexperienced are still ones that should be taken into consideration and not discounted simply because we lack the experiences of others. We do, after all, offer something that may be unique to other people. It's up to you if you want to consider it or discount it. Both options are equally valid. Best of luck to you.

My bf says I don't quite pass yet, but I'm both cute and close, so I really want to, so I can pass as soon as possible!

Forgive my lack of knowledge but what does pass mean?

 

[EternalShore]

They're gonna love you no matter what if they're decent parents, but don't think of it as "They will hate me or not hate me," rather "This might cause them to have a hard time, but I hope we can work through it."

I sure hope they will, yes! :D And I think you're definitely right about the 2nd part! Thank you! :)

Forgive my lack of knowledge but what does pass mean?

I am a trans girl, so passing for me would be being able to be identified as a girl by others rather than still looking like a boy~ Trans guys' passing would be looking like a boy rather than a girl. Hope this helps! ^_^

 

[Scythe]

Good luck fellow trans person, I can't really help with this since I was unfortunately outed when my parents found my hrt. Then it was messy but I explained poorly to them I hate being a girl.
But you don't need to come out to do HRT, I'm sure u can hide your medication somewhere. Since the changes happen slowly you can just hope your parents never really notice it.

 

[InversedShadow]

If your Mom is generally more sympathethic it could be a good idea to get her on ur side first when it comes to this issue, so u no longer have to bear with this feeling alone irl, Im hoping for the best for you! that u will be able to be who u really are, not just being forced by this boundary of ur environment..
bump! Maybe there is yet someone else that could say smth useful about this issue of coming out, i myself never did have this kind of identity issue so sadly I dont know any precise advise on how to practically come out convincing them to believe that u really feel this way

 

[EternalShore]

oh. I came out btw! :) My dad seems okay with it, and my mom seems confused~ It's certainly better than it could've been tho! ^_^

 

[restless.dreams]

Congratulations, I'm sure that took a lot of courage! I'm happy for you :)

 

[Linda]

Give your parents, and especially your mother, time to process it. But it sounds as though it went much better than these things sometimes do.