Coming back?

[bloomingdark]

Hi, it´s been long since i write something i actually mean here, i´ve been better, don´t want to say i haven´t because that would be a lie, lately i feel like im drifting back into depression, but since i´ve been better, wearing off that feeling has been just a little bit easier, my mom wants me to get a job while i´m at college and that frustrates me, i´m trying my best to learn but i can´t and sometimes i just can´t help but to think about ctbing, even tough i know how difficult that is, pain just washes me down like if i was all hurting about open scars on my skin and someone threw lemonade juice at me.I hate that feeling more and more when it suddenly appears on me, it feels like even tough i learned a lot from the pain that my last manic episode caused, it´s not enough, it´ll never be.


I´m not able to wake up early (i´m on vacations, almost over tough),not able to do the stuff i say to myself i´d do, i´m not able to do anything and i come back to being useless.

Even tough somethings dont turn around for me i want to be able to live, even if it´s in pain.

If things don´t come my way with my own sacrifice, i´ll know im not meant to be here

But that won´t make me sad.