Venting Comfort in research

[nightlygem]

I'm sure I'm not alone, but as someone who is kind of in this limbo state of mind, it brings me peace in researching suicide methods and cases. My curiosity stops at autopsy photos, as going on WPD is definitely not happening.

I don't want to die right now, but I know 100% that I want to die by my own hands. Whether my life turns out great or gets worse, ultimately I am committed to CTB; I just don't know when.

due to this, I've researched many possibilities. SN sounding like the most promising, but knowing that if I wait too long it will probably be illegal in the states. I've researched the hydrogen sulphide method, or "detergent suicide", and I'm curious as to why this method isn't used more on here. I can imagine the smell and the toxicity being an issue, but putting up the proper signs and planning everything accordingly, I would hope it isn't too much of a problem. Of course, having to deal with the smell and the dangers of this method in general are definitely reasons why it's not used much.

Exit bags sound neat, but I honestly can't imagine having to look at a CO tank or Nitrogen tank before I die.

N would be the best case scenario, hands down. but, I am scared of injections. it's also, of course, not possible to find unless I travel.

Hanging is uncomfortable, and asphyxiation in general I'm not the biggest fan of, but I mean that's the worst case scenario.

I've read the PPH a numerous amount of times, but I just can't seem to find a method that works similarly to SN. There is an alternative, but honestly I haven't seen anyone here use it so Im a bit skeptical. I hope in the future, we're able to put our heads together and come up with a legal and lethal way to CTB without SN.

I would study chemistry just for this, but I won't lie, I hate chemistry. I almost failed that class in highschool!

Thanks for reading. Just wanted to rant a little about what I've researched. Hopefully, some can relate to my situation. And, maybe, if anyone has some grand ideas, to share them out lol

 

[PinballWizard39]

Hey, I can relate to wanting to research stuff. I'm a scientist and work in a micro lab so I like to look into the science of things and at least get an understanding on how things work, weigh up pros and cons, etc, etc. Not just chemicals, 'mm.. I wonder what bacteria could take me down and make it look like a natural death'. 'Under what conditions would that virus grow to the point of annihilation' - yada yada. It's always good to know right?

Like you, I have no set date yet, however, it won't be too far in the future. But yeah, I've always thought my manner of death would be self inflicted. Sad but true.