Help Cock problem

[Deleted member 1465]

Hahaha sorry for the clickbait. But I do have a genuine problem with a cockeral. A rooster to some folk.

There is a new rooster in the back field. I sleep in the back room. If I sleep at all, I sleep very lightly and still get up several times in the night. This time last year I barely slept at all, less than one hour a night. That lasted around six months. I kid you not. If you think insomnia for a few days or a week is bad...you are correct, it's awful. Now do it for six months. I can't go through that again.

The chap on the allotment in the back field has a new rooster and it's started doodling at dawn. That's okay in the winter, but when spring comes around I can see a real problem.

My options are:

1. Tell him it's an issue. I asked him innocently if he had a new rooster and he went into a half hour rant about the council and the fucker that killed the last one. I don't want to upset him, he's a nice chap and I feel kinda sorry for him. I don't want to upset him. I sometimes also feel I'm the only one that takes time to actually listen to him.

2. Grass him up to the council. That's not my style. The guy is a friend and the council are cunts.

3. Hope someone else grasses him up. That's just dishonourable.

4. Kill the bird. I don't want to do that. I let sodding flies out of the house usually rather than sway them. And how do you catch a cockeral anyway? Not sure how to kill it properly either. Break the neck i guess. I eat chicken. No moral qualms but in reality, not sure I can do that. And yeah, I don't want to do that to him either, poor bloke. Nah, that's just not me. Unless i snap.

But I will not go through that horrific insomnia again and I will kill to make sure that doesn't happen, if it comes to that.

5. The only alternative is to move to the front bedroom. But that fronts the main road and the road noise will keep me awake (such a light sleeper, up at least 2 times a night, can't risk no sleep). I could try and sound proof the windows, but that's expense that I can't afford, and all cuz of a bird that I'd happily eat from Asda.

I swear i seem to make odd problems for myself!

Advice anyone?

 

[Lilacmoon]

No advice, but thank you for the chuckle with the title <3

Sometimes you just gotta rub the cock, make it feel calm, make it be your friend. Then the cock will follow you around, you can train the cock to be your cock.

Puns intended.

I think I love you.

 

[Symbiote]

Sometimes you just gotta rub the cock, make it feel calm, make it be your friend. Then the cock will follow you around, you can train the cock to be your cock.

Puns intended.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Sometimes you just gotta rub the cock, make it feel calm, make it be your friend. Then the cock will follow you around, you can train the cock to be your cock.

Puns intended.

I shall attempt to rub the cock as advised. However, I do not have a good record with geese and I'm anxious I will make the cock problem worse. I really don't want an angry cock chasing me across the field.

No advice, but thank you for the chuckle with the title <3



I think I love you.

Sorcery! How did you manage to quote @Symbiote before the reply? Sorcery!

 

[Pho3nix]

I have to admit that I fell for the click bait and expected a post on erectile dysfunction. Anyway, wring the fucker's neck and make coq au vin. Problem solved. Insomnia is a massive bitch to deal with and it's not worth going through it again.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I shall attempt to rub the cock as advised. However, I do not have a good record with geese and I'm anxious I will make the cock problem worse. I really don't want an angry cock chasing me across the field.


Sorcery! How did you manage to quote @Symbiote before the reply? Sorcery!

I'm a witch with the power of the moon ;) (edit button)

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

I'd tell him it's an issue.

Not kill the bird. That should not be an option. Jesus fucking christ.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I have to admit that I fell for the click bait and expected a post on erectile dysfunction. Anyway, wring the fucker's neck and make coq au vin. Problem solved. Insomnia is a massive bitch to deal with and it's not worth going through it again.

I'm not clever enough for double entendres, I have to make do with single entendres but as my old manager used to say "I hear what you are saying," re solving the problem.

 

[woxihuanni]

Eat him.

And, very disappointed

 

[Sherri]

U sure know how to create a thread I'll give you that.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

U sure know how to create a thread I'll give you that.

LOL the sad thing is, it's not just for comedy value (honest), it's a genuine issue I have. The guy is like Stig of the Dump* and I sometimes feel I'm the only friend he has. I go up there most days, just so he has someone to talk to. He spends his time offloading to me and I think it helps him to have someone listen. I know if i broach the issue again he will be seriously offended. I'd hate to upset him and i'd hate even worse for him to think I was victimising him. But in the spring, rooster noise at dawn is not what I need given my medical issues that cause severe insomnia.
NB. Another neighbour killed the last cock. I sympathised with the chap, but secretly I was not sorry.

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stig_of_the_Dump

 

[Sherri]

LOL the sad thing is, it's not just for comedy value (honest), it's a genuine issue I have. The guy is like Stig of the Dump and I sometimes feel I'm the only friend he has. I go up there most days, just so he has someone to talk to. He spends his time offloading to me and I think it helps him to have someone listen. I know if i broach the issue again he will be seriously offended. I'd hate to upset him and i'd hate even worse for him to think I was victimising him. But in the spring, rooster noise at dawn is not what I need given my medical issues that cause severe insomnia.
NB. Another neighbour killed the last cock. I sympathised with the chap, but secretly I was not sorry.

That cock sounds annoying, make a curry out of it. About your friend I totally understand. Even though my life is in a mess I'm always hearing others, but no one hears me...

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Earplugs? Insulate windows?

If you talk to the owner and he does nothing, your hands will be tied after that and you will be stuck because he will know you did whatever comes after, by either reporting to the council or killing it.

If you report to council first, he may not know who complained.

If you kill it...roosters are kinda tough eating, I think. And someone may see you, then bigger problems??

I say, report to council first.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That cock sounds annoying, make a curry out of it. About your friend I totally understand. Even though my life is in a mess I'm always hearing others, but no one hears me...

I will always listen to you @Sherri if you care to talk.

 

[Symbiote]

My wife's sister's neighbor has a very loud cock, but luckily there's a squad of hens that like to chase him around. He's a huge cock though and tries to get all the hens, but gets cock-blocked by the other hens. I think the cock is henpecked.

If you have a dog, the dog can just bark at the cock and put the cock in it's place.

 

[Sherri]

I will always listen to you @Sherri if you care to talk.

Awww thanks hun. I have my cell phone full of depressed people venting all day, I just listen and give advice, at the end of the day, I'm drained....and ps, I'm pro choice.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Earplugs? Insulate windows?

If you talk to the owner and he does nothing, your hands will be tied after that and you will be stuck because he will know you did whatever comes after, by either reporting to the council or killing it.

If you report to council first, he may not know who complained.

If you kill it...roosters are kinda tough eating, I think. And someone may see you, then bigger problems??

I say, report to council first.

Practical reply, thank you. I've considered these options.
I've already talked to him, so whatever comes next he may blame on me. If I press it, he'll certainly blame it on me. I'd rather not lose his friendship, but I suspect he'll suffer worse for losing mine, for all that sounds arrogant.
Reporting to the council, yes, he may not know, it just seems...somewhat dishonourable. I don't want someone else to do what I baulk from.
I'd not kill it. I can't, really. And not as easy as one might think, at least not for me.

My wife's sister's neighbor has a very loud cock, but luckily there's a squad of hens that like to chase him around. He's a huge cock though and tries to get all the hens, but gets cock-blocked by the other hens. I think the cock is henpecked.

If you have a dog, the dog can just bark at the cock and put the cock in it's place.

My sister has a sprocker whose hobby it is to kill birds! He is a bird dog!
However, my sister and myself are relatively estranged, and if the little guys does come up, he will have a field of delinquent sheep, rogue chickens and two violent geese to deal with. He will go for the geese first. Also, not palming my problems off onto him, I'd rather be responsible myself for any killing and i don't think i can do that.

Anyway, not a problem until spring. I'm thinking my solution is to wait. All things come to he who waits.

 

[K-O]

shit mate i got nothing.. except- I LOVE U TO BITS!!!!!
oh and.. who knows maybe the cock terminator will strike again! here to hoping!

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Yes, maybe the guy who killed the other one will take care of the problem?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It wouldn't surprise me. The people that own these creatures invariably do not live within cock a doodling distance of them. It may seem like a comedy dilemma, but when you have serious sleep issues that lead you to the point of suicide, it's a serious issue. As I said, given the choice, I will not go back to the place I was before and I will kill to avoid that, as much as it lessens me.

 

[Symbiote]

Oh I know what! Offer to buy the cock from your neighbor. Then release him somewhere far far far away, or cook him and eat him.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh I know what! Offer to buy the cock from your neighbor. Then release him somewhere far far far away, or cook him and eat him.

Nice try. If only.
The bloke is...old school. He spends every day in the field moving junk from one pile to the other. And it is junk. But he regards it as valuable. It's not, at least not to anyone else, or some fecker round here would have pinched it. His chickens roam free and he has no idea how many he has or where they lay or anything. They are effectively wild, and at some point the council will evict him because of it. I know it's going to come and may fix my problem, but it's sad.
He has little else. The place is his refuge, the junk is his treasure. The chickens and the violent bastard geese are his friends. They are effectively wild animals that follow him around, he'd never sell one of them.
Interesting perspective though, thanks for the suggestion.

Edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stig_of_the_Dump

 

[Symbiote]

Well let us know when the council comes to evict him and his fowl friends.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well let us know when the council comes to evict him and his fowl friends.

There are about thirty birds. And the council couldn't organise the proverbial PupinaBr. My sister's dog would have abetter chance of dealing with the issue. LOL actually, yes he would, he would so cut the Gordian Knot.

 

[Good4Nothing]

I'd tell him it's an issue.

Not kill the bird. That should not be an option. Jesus fucking christ.

You crack me up, man!

 

[Jumper Geo]

Hahaha sorry for the clickbait. But I do have a genuine problem with a cockeral. A rooster to some folk.

There is a new rooster in the back field. I sleep in the back room. If I sleep at all, I sleep very lightly and still get up several times in the night. This time last year I barely slept at all, less than one hour a night. That lasted around six months. I kid you not. If you think insomnia for a few days or a week is bad...you are correct, it's awful. Now do it for six months. I can't go through that again.

The chap on the allotment in the back field has a new rooster and it's started doodling at dawn. That's okay in the winter, but when spring comes around I can see a real problem.

My options are:

1. Tell him it's an issue. I asked him innocently if he had a new rooster and he went into a half hour rant about the council and the fucker that killed the last one. I don't want to upset him, he's a nice chap and I feel kinda sorry for him. I don't want to upset him. I sometimes also feel I'm the only one that takes time to actually listen to him.

2. Grass him up to the council. That's not my style. The guy is a friend and the council are cunts.

3. Hope someone else grasses him up. That's just dishonourable.

4. Kill the bird. I don't want to do that. I let sodding flies out of the house usually rather than sway them. And how do you catch a cockeral anyway? Not sure how to kill it properly either. Break the neck i guess. I eat chicken. No moral qualms but in reality, not sure I can do that. And yeah, I don't want to do that to him either, poor bloke. Nah, that's just not me. Unless i snap.

But I will not go through that horrific insomnia again and I will kill to make sure that doesn't happen, if it comes to that.

5. The only alternative is to move to the front bedroom. But that fronts the main road and the road noise will keep me awake (such a light sleeper, up at least 2 times a night, can't risk no sleep). I could try and sound proof the windows, but that's expense that I can't afford, and all cuz of a bird that I'd happily eat from Asda.

I swear i seem to make odd problems for myself!

Advice anyone?

Have a chat with him and say any chance of making sure it is locked away during the night and point out your bedroom so it's as far away as possible, otherwise if you can move rooms you need your sleep bloody annoying when animals wake you up, I've had foxes, seagulls and cats fighting.

You say he is a friend so how many eggs is he delivering weekly, none, well it's time you man up and face the problem head on, don't be a chicken, please video it,



Cheers

Geo

 

[voyager]

Feel you. Also have 6-7 months of the worst insomnia of my life behind me. Still wake once a night for a wee most times, but can actually fall asleep again which was impossible before. Makes a world of difference.

As for your problem, I too would've suggested ear plugs. Slept ok with my foamy 3M from the hospital, but yeah, it's better without and after a few days they'll be sticky with ear wax (urgh). Nor am I certain they'll block out the sound completely. Any chance of going to bed earlier? Or better yet, can you maybe get him to lock the cock in a dark place so he doesn't make any commotion at daybreak? If he doesn't live there maybe you could volunteer to let him out in the mornings?

Sorry, have no experience with farm animals. Also forgot to buy a chicken this Saturday at the super market. Was looking forward to it

 

[Deleted member 1465]

ave a chat with him and say any chance of making sure it is locked away during the night

Nice suggestion. His chickens are free range. They have no cage, they roam.
The council set him up after evicting him off his old allotment to an new one, precisely because, I believe, they want to evict him. That's the problem; I'm against the council and on his side, theoretically. It's just the bloody noise.

Sleep.

Seriously, when you are properly deficient, sleep transcends all.

Remember. Six months with less than an hour asleep per night, No exaggeration. Serious long term issues that i can't ever dismiss. I will kill to not go through that again.


Ear plugs. Lived with then all my life. I currently invest in some of the best regarded sound suppression systems I can get ahold of. No cigar, unfortunately. I wish. I have stuck the world and it's wife in my ears. :/

 

[Ghost2211]

I expected a rooster, but hoped for other things...

Though befriending the cock is always a solid plan it won't prevent it from rising with the sun. You could try talking to the cock's owner, but I suspect he has it out so it can get some action. Roosters are assholes. Nobody keeps them unless they are breeding.

 

[TheSoulless]

I knew it was going to be about a bird!

That sounds awful though. I would gather my courage and say it's an issue if I were in your shoes. Or, alternatively, you could try to scream even louder to show who's the biggest cock in town.