Clouds remind me

[post_card]

I always imagined, that if I had to go, I would want to look at the clouds on the blue sky. It is so peaceful. Looking at the clouds. They are always beautiful, no matter where I am.
Now I realized that I got to a point where just looking at the clouds brings me peace, because i think I conditioned myself to feel calm every time I look up at them. And every time I do look up, I remember that if something happened to me... I wouldn't be able to see them. And in those short moments, I feel glad that I am still here. Despite all the hardships.

 

[seeyoulater26]

This is beautiful! Thank you for writing this.
You've seen the clouds... Now may I interest you in the stars ???
hehe

 

[girl_with_a_plan]

I love this and think about the clouds often. Maybe that should be the focus of the plan - what are the moments of beauty we can have at the end. I know I'll be outside when it happens and wonder if i planned it so i could be in nature

 

[sonummy]

i've dedicated my life to take pictures of the sky at some point and it helped me so much. thank you for reminding me :3

 

[Canto XIII]

What about painted clouds? (Canaletto)

 

[post_card]

What about painted clouds? (Canaletto)

Looks cool. But it lacks the feeling of spatiality.

 

[Cloud Busting]

Looks cool. But it lacks the feeling of spatiality.

Why paint it when you can have the real thing

I don't know what to say

Those little things they really cling you to life… instead of forcing yourself to hate them or to feel you don't deserve them so you can embrace that death drive? Hey contradictions hurt the brain but life is a bundle of contradictions so learn to embrace that, you can have a death drive and still cling to life a bit and feel so alone and confused it's ok to have both instinctual drives like… life is so confusing for our brains but that's our common humanity right?

Ever read Sylvia Plaths poem tulips? God never have I related to something so much… oh I'd be ready to die in this moment if it weren't for those freaking tulips… oh man

Uh I tried to kill myself on August 28th 2023 I documented my preparation here im so upset with the trauma and grief I projected onto the world but when you're that lonely and have no else to talk to cuz you don't want to be committed…

I understand why I did it and my god it was so nice to not have to cbt alone I just wanted some friends…

And well when I survived I came back as cloud busting. Pinkribbonscars is a Today by The Smashing Pumpkns reference… it's the best day of your life cuz you're killing yiursekf today you're finally free abd your family… will understand abd if they don't I'm a bad evil person I deserved this I swear!

I feel so sick….

Cloud Busting is a Kate Bush song:



"I just know that something good is gonna happen I don't know when but just saying it can even make it happen"

Her inspiration behind the song:

Orgone - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

As someone who has used clouds for recovery I recommend.

I cant take back or kill my past but hopefully I can use this dark time of my life as a part of a better story… this experience can shift it doesn't have to remain the same it doesn't have to haunt me forever….

Recovery is hard…. Hang in there

 

[post_card]

Why paint it when you can have the real thing

True. And it is free! You can look at as many clouds as you want, the government doesn't check it

Ever read Sylvia Plaths poem tulips? God never have I related to something so much… oh I'd be ready to die in this moment if it weren't for those freaking tulips… oh man

I read it just now. Had to translate some words since i am not a native speaker. It is a nice poem. The mood seems to fit with the novel written by sylvia, the bell jar. At least to some extent.

I actually read some of your past posts recently, regarding cbt and the attempt. I am sorry about everything that happened to you. I don't think you should beat yourself up the way you do, you didn't do anything wrong. I don't understand what do you mean by ,,the trauma that you projected into this world."

Treat yourself with love please.

 

[Cloud Busting]

True. And it is free! You can look at as many clouds as you want, the government doesn't check it

I read it just now. Had to translate some words since i am not a native speaker. It is a nice poem. The mood seems to fit with the novel written by sylvia, the bell jar. At least to some extent.

I actually read some of your past posts recently, regarding cbt and the attempt. I am sorry about everything that happened to you. I don't think you should beat yourself up the way you do, you didn't do anything wrong. I don't understand what do you mean by ,,the trauma that you projected into this world."

Treat yourself with love please.

Ahh what did you think of the bell jar?

And if you want you can ask that question in my thread so that I'm not making your personal thread all about me.

 

[post_card]

Ahh what did you think of the bell jar?

I liked it.. for me it represents the state of anomie, where a person feels disconnected with the world and feels like they don t have any options to make life better. I remember there was this line where the title of the novel was explained as to why it is the title in the first place. Because the main character is stuck in the bell jar and is rotting in her own fumes. or something like that.
Some thoughts hit close to me. The story felt real. Like it had a pretty down-to-earth story, about a girl, and about the environment that she lived in, and that it was part of the reason for the actions of the mc.
But holy shit there were just so many words i have never heard of in english that at some point i decided to just read the book without translating everything so maybe i ve missed some details but i believe the main story got to me whole.
I remember there was this one uncomfortable ,,intercourse" scene where i felt really sorry for mc. But i can t really explain why it struck me. Maybe because i am afraid of something similar happening in my life? Idk.

And if you want you can ask that question in my thread so that I'm not making your personal thread all about me.

It is okay. I don't treat any of my threads as personal. It is a free space. If you want, you can make it about yourself here. I wouldn't mind. But if you don't, then it is also fine.

 

[Cloud Busting]

@post_card

Oh man I love that book… everyone cites the fig tree but yeah his turkey….. man I loved that book for being real. And honestly I liked that Esther wasn't likable. She left her friend in her own vomit for gods sake! Yet… that's real. Depressives are honestly hard people to emphasize with and I like how she didn't romanticize it… she was just real.

Damn tho reading it in my twenties after reading it when I was 17. So racist! Idk how I missed it the first time.

Well that's what recovery is all about… a space for confused souls who don't feel pressured to feel a certain way or whatever or to make a decision…, we can just be honest and listen to each other no matter what.

I'd rather explain that in my personal thread just to keep things all in one space and since this place is so heavy for me… I just tread with caution, which I don't feel guilty about anymore. (:

Been nice to talk to you tho (: what country you from?

 

[post_card]

I'd rather explain that in my personal thread just to keep things all in one space and since this place is so heavy for me… I just tread with caution, which I don't feel guilty about anymore. (:

Oh, okay. That is understandable.

Been nice to talk to you tho (: what country you from?

It is the place between a rock and a hard place, as some historians say. Poland.