Cl worker irked me today…

[Water-Lily]

I was speaking with a co worker about social work related stuff. The conversation steered into abuse and she spoke about how her daughter was a victim of CSA. She gave a lot of details about who it was done by and the services her daughter has due to her struggles. Though there was something she said that left me uncomfortable

She said her daughter used to claim that she has a hard time wanting to brush her teeth or shower, stating she doesn't want to engage in those forms of self care. So she apparently told her daughter "well don't you go telling the counselors about that or they'll label you crazy. Only tell me and I'll help you, not them. If you really want their help, they'll got on you and make you do it and mandate it. Do you want that?" Apparently her daughter is very young, around the age of 8-10

Something about that really rubbed me the wrong way. It's good that a parent wants to help their child, but the way she verbalized it seemed to induce shame.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry to hear that, and that it made you uncomfortable. The sad thing is there are actually counsellors that wouldn't understand if someone told them that and her mom might be projecting that or some other insight of hers, but they would have to be incompetent counsellors to not understand why that is and whether they would even do that a 8-10 yo CSA survivor I do not know. It's a lot of pressure for someone to be under either way, her daughter needs all the competent help she can get.

Her daughter's feelings definitely aren't shameful,, and likely her mom or the daughter probably verbalised her daughter's feelings incorrectly. Shame would be purposely being disingenous about it for whatever reason. It's likely difficult for her to engage in self-care after what she has been through, instead of through will or a lack of it. Likely, someone who has been through it would understand the difference.