Venting Chronic Fatigue is making my life a living hell

[Done_Surviving]

I feel so tired!! I can't do this, I'm literally on the verge of tears in the middle of a public space! I came to the library to motivate myself to work, but I feel so tired I think I'm about to pass out! I'm a fucking storyboard artist! My only goddam job is to draw, they don't even have to be good drawings! And I can't even do that! I'm so tired and angry at myself. I know that I have a chronic illness I know that "There is a reason I feel this way" but I feel like a lazy piece of shit! I was fine yesterday! What is wrong with me, Why am I like this?! I took all my meds! I did everything that I'm supposed to why don't I feel better?!

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really dreadful how people have to suffer so much, existence is just too cruel, I understand why you'd feel so tired of it all.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Excuse if my response is wack the brain fog is real.

Chronic health issues really fucking suck. I find it hard not to blame myself or my body when I feel unwell but I would like to pass on some compassion in that it's not your fault it's the illnesses fault. As you mentioned you did all you could and sometimes it just be like that. It's hard to accept or find any peace with. I haven't myself so I won't even bother being a hypocrite or anything. I think its awesome that you decided to go to the library to feel some motivation for work..



I hope ur able to find a way to get home safely & rest

 

[carac]

I know some people get offended at the psychogenic approach but have you thought about why you could feel better one day and not the other. Could there be an emotional connection about work, family, certain stress triggers, past trauma. Ask yourself what is going on in your life in times when it's worse.

 

[Done_Surviving]

I know some people get offended at the psychogenic approach but have you thought about why you could feel better one day and not the other. Could there be an emotional connection about work, family, certain stress triggers, past trauma. Ask yourself what is going on in your life in times when it's worse.

yes, there is, and I know there is, yesterday I was happy talking with some of my family. Today I'm alone and need to face my responsibilities. I just don't know how to motivate myself

 

[failed life]

I feel so tired!! I can't do this, I'm literally on the verge of tears in the middle of a public space! I came to the library to motivate myself to work, but I feel so tired I think I'm about to pass out! I'm a fucking storyboard artist! My only goddam job is to draw, they don't even have to be good drawings! And I can't even do that! I'm so tired and angry at myself. I know that I have a chronic illness I know that "There is a reason I feel this way" but I feel like a lazy piece of shit! I was fine yesterday! What is wrong with me, Why am I like this?! I took all my meds! I did everything that I'm supposed to why don't I feel better?!

So sorry to hear that. I've had CFS for 25 years so know exactly what you mean. It's a living hell struggling with this debilitating, soul destroying illness. You should never feel lazy god - by having a job you're pushing yourself much more than most people who have it. The only thing you can do is pacing - but that's virtually impossible to do in practice..

 

[Blue Elephant]

yes, there is, and I know there is, yesterday I was happy talking with some of my family. Today I'm alone and need to face my responsibilities. I just don't know how to motivate myself

I don't know how to help but I want to try.

@Done_Surviving Do you like your job?

 

[carac]

yes, there is, and I know there is, yesterday I was happy talking with some of my family. Today I'm alone and need to face my responsibilities. I just don't know how to motivate myself

Can I ask are you a bit of a perfectionist? Do you feel like you haven't achieved your expectations/full potential and you want to make your family proud?
Maybe you could try talking about your feelings with your family, it may release some tension.

 

[Done_Surviving]

Excuse if my response is wack the brain fog is real.

Chronic health issues really fucking suck. I find it hard not to blame myself or my body when I feel unwell but I would like to pass on some compassion in that it's not your fault it's the illnesses fault. As you mentioned you did all you could and sometimes it just be like that. It's hard to accept or find any peace with. I haven't myself so I won't even bother being a hypocrite or anything. I think its awesome that you decided to go to the library to feel some motivation for work..



I hope ur able to find a way to get home safely & rest

Thank you <3 I know that it's not my fault but it feels like it is, you know? Like everyone else is able to be so productive and do things that take me days to do in mere minutes. And it just gets worse with the whole "do more culture" like you need to be doing something productive all the time. But I'm so tired and I'm afraid I can't keep up.

And don't worry about me going home, I go on the bus, I hate to drive XD

I don't know how to help but I want to try.

@Done_Surviving Do you like your job?

Thank you, you're so kind<3, but you don't have to help me, really, I just needed to vent. And I actually do love my job (well it's more of an internship) it's my dream job, and I love animating. It's just that lately my health, mental, physical, and spiritual, took a nose dive to the gutter. Chronic illness and impostor syndrome have turned something I used to love into something dreadful. Every little thing I do I feel that it's not good enough, it got to a point where just thinking of drawing would trigger a full-blown panic attack. And the worst part is that it's all in my head, and I know it, I just don't know how to get it out.

Can I ask are you a bit of a perfectionist? Do you feel like you haven't achieved your expectations/full potential and you want to make your family proud?
Maybe you could try talking about your feelings with your family, it may release some tension.

you have no idea how many people have told me this exact same thing XD. But honestly, I feel like I have no potential, it's gotten to the point I don't really want to put effort on anything anymore, because what is the point if it's never going to be good enough.

 

[Blue Elephant]

Every little thing I do I feel that it's not good enough

Hmm.. I think one day you should maybe, hopefully let us see some of your work. I'm curious. : )

 

[Done_Surviving]

Hmm.. I think one day you should maybe, hopefully let us see some of your work. I'm curious. : )

one day maybe, When I can actually do something for myself instead of my job

 

[carac]

you have no idea how many people have told me this exact same thing XD. But honestly, I feel like I have no potential, it's gotten to the point I don't really want to put effort on anything anymore, because what is the point if it's never going to be good enough.

Ok so at the moment you are stuck in a cycle. You feel fatigued which means you can't perform, you feel like a failure which stresses you out and creates internal frustration this then drives your fatgiue worse. The problem with something like cfs is that it is an invisible illness, If you had a disibilty like you only had one arm you would have something to justify not fullfilling your potential. You need to talk to your family about your inner feelings, if that's too much you could try journaling, write down what is troubling you, your frustrations you could even write down the really dark stuff like if you want to harm yourself or others, you dont have to keep it, just write it down, let it out and throw it away.

I can tell you you don't need to be perfect, your family can tell you the same but you need to believe it yourself.

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

I feel so tired!! I can't do this, I'm literally on the verge of tears in the middle of a public space! I came to the library to motivate myself to work, but I feel so tired I think I'm about to pass out! I'm a fucking storyboard artist! My only goddam job is to draw, they don't even have to be good drawings! And I can't even do that! I'm so tired and angry at myself. I know that I have a chronic illness I know that "There is a reason I feel this way" but I feel like a lazy piece of shit! I was fine yesterday! What is wrong with me, Why am I like this?! I took all my meds! I did everything that I'm supposed to why don't I feel better?!

Big hugs. I can really relate to this

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Adderall is the only thing that has remotely saved me from similar symptoms. I also got full bloodwork done and found out I am somewhat anemic. But besides that, it could very well be that the desire to CTB just simply causes incurable mental exhaustion. The worst kind of exhuastion.

 

[Blue Elephant]

one day maybe, When I can actually do something for myself instead of my job

For the record I wouldn't mind seeing anything you made regardless of the purpose for which it was made. : )