Choosing to die at 30 is best age for me to die

[FireFox]

At 30 years will catch the bus as I am tired of living and no longer want to see another decade because it will be just as awful. My teenage years, early 20s and midv20s absolutely were the worst the. The signs are there i am going to have an awful future.

As a teenager I really wanted to be successful with a career doing something meaningful, living in my own home, a partner who loved me, having a excitement and just being happy.

Now I finally realise none of this is meant to be. I am 25 and 5 years time I will dead. Life never was for me. I am done fighting this unwinnable war because that is what it is. Everyone i grew up is doing much better than me it is actually embrassing that I am struggling in my 20s and failed to have it together.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Many people have this notion that we have to have our lives figured out before 30.

I don't think it's that simple for everyone, because life throws a wrench in your plans, or you change drastically, or just... shit happens.

But I definitely resonate with your sentiments.

 

[theboy]

My life limit is 30 years.
I wish you peace in your heart

 

[Funeralprincess]

At 30 years will catch the bus as I am tired of living and no longer want to see another decade because it will be just as awful. My teenage years, early 20s and midv20s absolutely were the worst the. The signs are there i am going to have an awful future.

As a teenager I really wanted to be successful with a career doing something meaningful, living in my own home, a partner who loved me, having a excitement and just being happy.

Now I finally realise none of this is meant to be. I am 25 and 5 years time I will dead. Life never was for me. I am done fighting this unwinnable war because that is what it is. Everyone i grew up is doing much better than me it is actually embrassing that I am struggling in my 20s and failed to have it together.

I feel you. I had finally found my dream guy and then he discarded me when I developed bipolar after promising me mental illness didn't matter and hed be my hero.. I'm 25 and planning to die this year. No way in fuck can I stay until 30 lol THATS out of the question for someone like me

 

[chocolatebar]

Your post makes me remember when I established the same limit for me and decided that I would try to live the most out from my life in the meanwhile, trying to find something, perhaps a place or someone or to simply live some good moments.

Now I'm here, staring at my hourglass, dripping out the last grains of sand. Looks like I failed and lived in a complete hell during this time. I tried to stir everything and now I'm back into motionless, worse than before.

For some reason, your life ressonates a lot to mine, to the point in which I can feel like I'm reading a book and having dejavus, as if the character is living my life. Every time I wish something happens and the story moves into another direction.

 

[Zegers]

unwinnable war

Right. Absurd and meaningless war.

 

[Final-push123]

Damn well hopefully you can find something to live for before then.

If not, then hope you find the a peaceful exit

 

[FireFox]

I feel you. I had finally found my dream guy and then he discarded me when I developed bipolar after promising me mental illness didn't matter and hed be my hero.. I'm 25 and planning to die this year. No way in fuck can I stay until 30 lol THATS out of the question for someone like me

@Funeralprincess

Virtual hug and sending lots of love to you

What an arsehole man .This is what annoys me if a man ends up disabled or ill the woman is expected to care for him and stand by him because of "for better or worse" which are parents raised us to believe but a man can leave a sick woman. The hypocrisy is unbelievable.

It is not so fair how women are expected to be carers for men but men are never expected to care for us.

Your diagnosis actually exposed his real character which is he is a dishonest man who can not deliver what he promises and can not be trusted such men cheat and will never be honest with you. Yes you did love him and the heartbreak is painful but his true character came out when you are were diagnosed with bipolar. You deserved so much better.

You deserved so much better
Love
FireFox :)

Your post makes me remember when I established the same limit for me and decided that I would try to live the most out from my life in the meanwhile, trying to find something, perhaps a place or someone or to simply live some good moments.

Now I'm here, staring at my hourglass, dripping out the last grains of sand. Looks like I failed and lived in a complete hell during this time. I tried to stir everything and now I'm back into motionless, worse than before.

For some reason, your life ressonates a lot to mine, to the point in which I can feel like I'm reading a book and having dejavus, as if the character is living my life. Every time I wish something happens and the story moves into another direction.

@chocolatebar

"For some reason, your life ressonates a lot to mine, to the point in which I can feel like I'm reading a book and having dejavus, as if the character is living my life. Every time I wish something happens and the story moves into another direction."

I am glad you relate a lot honestly one of the main reasons why I feel like an outsider is people can not relate to me and my experiences and also how I see the world makes me even more as an outsider.

I really wanted to live and I tried so hard to make things work out but now I am done fighting.

Right. Absurd and meaningless war.

@Zegers

I really wanted to live and I tried so hard to make things work out but now I am done fighting. When things are going great for me its only short lived and I am back to square one. Everyone sees the person who died by suicide but they never see the struggle and determination the person went through to live.

No more fighting anymore, I am so done. Life is not for me and I don't belong here anymore on this world.

 

[LeavingEarly]

I feel you. I had finally found my dream guy and then he discarded me when I developed bipolar after promising me mental illness didn't matter and hed be my hero.. I'm 25 and planning to die this year. No way in fuck can I stay until 30 lol THATS out of the question for someone like me

Bipolar is the WORST. I have lost everything friends, family, job, money, my house everything....

 

[unnoticed]

At 30 years will catch the bus as I am tired of living and no longer want to see another decade because it will be just as awful. My teenage years, early 20s and midv20s absolutely were the worst the. The signs are there i am going to have an awful future.

As a teenager I really wanted to be successful with a career doing something meaningful, living in my own home, a partner who loved me, having a excitement and just being happy.

Now I finally realise none of this is meant to be. I am 25 and 5 years time I will dead. Life never was for me. I am done fighting this unwinnable war because that is what it is. Everyone i grew up is doing much better than me it is actually embrassing that I am struggling in my 20s and failed to have it together.

my very last friend and i have had a "joking" suicide pact since we were probably 14 or 15, but we're both 24 now and we still bring it up from time to time that if we're still as miserable at 29 as we are now, it's then or never. i seriously gotta wonder if he's as serious as i am…i really fucking feel you. completely there too.

 

[Adamsnolife]

I'm a few years past that now at 34. No plans now to live longer now as I plan to exit soon

 

[nopointinlife]

At 30 years will catch the bus as I am tired of living and no longer want to see another decade because it will be just as awful. My teenage years, early 20s and midv20s absolutely were the worst the. The signs are there i am going to have an awful future.

As a teenager I really wanted to be successful with a career doing something meaningful, living in my own home, a partner who loved me, having a excitement and just being happy.

Now I finally realise none of this is meant to be. I am 25 and 5 years time I will dead. Life never was for me. I am done fighting this unwinnable war because that is what it is. Everyone i grew up is doing much better than me it is actually embrassing that I am struggling in my 20s and failed to have it together.

I'm not sure if this will help, but I'm older than 30, have a decent career, own a home, married with kids, and yet I still want to CTB.

 

[-Tandem-]

At 30 years will catch the bus as I am tired of living and no longer want to see another decade because it will be just as awful. My teenage years, early 20s and midv20s absolutely were the worst the. The signs are there i am going to have an awful future.

As a teenager I really wanted to be successful with a career doing something meaningful, living in my own home, a partner who loved me, having a excitement and just being happy.

Now I finally realise none of this is meant to be. I am 25 and 5 years time I will dead. Life never was for me. I am done fighting this unwinnable war because that is what it is. Everyone i grew up is doing much better than me it is actually embrassing that I am struggling in my 20s and failed to have it together.

32. Wish i would have killed myself as a teenager honestly. Things have only gotten worse for me. Can't say the same for you

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see life as not being for me. I understand that it's dreadful being trapped in a life that you hate, life does just seem to be endless misery and suffering. I never ever want to reach old age personally, I see the life expectancy as being far too long and it's horrifying the thought of enduring existence for many more decades as I know that things will just get worse. I wish you the best.

 

[FireFox]

Bipolar is the WORST. I have lost everything friends, family, job, money, my house everything....

@LeavingEarly Bipolar is such a cruel mental illness. I just think it so sad in this advanced age of medicine and technology we can't find a cure or relief for bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. Then we have people in society thinking bipolar is a joke look at how everyone was laughing at Kanye west's meltdown and all the insane stuff he was doing when it was clear the man needed treatment. Kanye West is still out of control he is not taking medication or anything really for his bipolar disorder.

I am sorry you are going through all this. Virtual hug

 

[Unlucked]

At 30 years will catch the bus as I am tired of living and no longer want to see another decade because it will be just as awful. My teenage years, early 20s and midv20s absolutely were the worst the. The signs are there i am going to have an awful future.

As a teenager I really wanted to be successful with a career doing something meaningful, living in my own home, a partner who loved me, having a excitement and just being happy.

Now I finally realise none of this is meant to be. I am 25 and 5 years time I will dead. Life never was for me. I am done fighting this unwinnable war because that is what it is. Everyone i grew up is doing much better than me it is actually embrassing that I am struggling in my 20s and failed to have it together.

I'm 24 and I've already gone through enough trauma, I don't need an extra 5 years to know that it's hopeless, it only goes downhill from there.

Planning to ctb before I'm 25.

 

[lumos_maxima]

At 30 years will catch the bus as I am tired of living and no longer want to see another decade because it will be just as awful. My teenage years, early 20s and midv20s absolutely were the worst the. The signs are there i am going to have an awful future.

As a teenager I really wanted to be successful with a career doing something meaningful, living in my own home, a partner who loved me, having a excitement and just being happy.

Now I finally realise none of this is meant to be. I am 25 and 5 years time I will dead. Life never was for me. I am done fighting this unwinnable war because that is what it is. Everyone i grew up is doing much better than me it is actually embrassing that I am struggling in my 20s and failed to have it together.

Dear FireFox,

Don't compare yourself with others, it's only your way. I've known this feeling of battle all my life. I hope you find the strength of spirit in yourself.

*Hugs*

 

[LeavingEarly]

@LeavingEarly Bipolar is such a cruel mental illness. I just think it so sad in this advanced age of medicine and technology we can't find a cure or relief for bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. Then we have people in society thinking bipolar is a joke look at how everyone was laughing at Kanye west's meltdown and all the insane stuff he was doing when it was clear the man needed treatment. Kanye West is still out of control he is not taking medication or anything really for his bipolar disorder.

I am sorry you are going through all this. Virtual hug

Thanks for understanding. Yeah bipolar people including me can act very bizaar during psychosis. It's sad to see. I have been hospitalized 10 times for it. I am 34 y/o.

 

[FireFox]

Dear FireFox,

Don't compare yourself with others, it's only your way. I've known this feeling of battle all my life. I hope you find the strength of spirit in yourself.

*Hugs*

@lumos_maxima

Thank you

It's impossible to escape these feelings of failure when all around me there is no escape everyone else I grew up is doing better than me I see these people in the neighbourhood I live in. I know one girl I went to school with who went to Oxford University is married, has a career in PR she is only 26 years old other people I know have done so many amazing things since leaving school and I am just a loser. I failed to have it together and it's so embarrassing.

I have tried but nothing ever goes right. I had a job then it ended so I am back to square one, I am living with my mother and depending on her this so embarrassing. Whenever I reach out when I am depressed or anxious absolutely nobody just takes it seriously and just dismisses me or be so judgemental and sanctimonious.

This is what I hate about society people in society express shock whenever someone kills themselves and start preaching about mental health or tweet the number of the suicide hotline when a celebrity kills themselves. These are the same hypocritical arseholes who always judge, criticise other people whenever they open up about their deepest pain.

What the hell are people expecting to happen? This is kind of posionious behaviour will unfortunately led to some people ending their own lives. After all why should a person live in a world where nobody listens to them, helps them with their problems and instead go on a moral crusade judging people.

F*ck society and all sanctimonious pieces of sh*t who care about being holier than thou. Before I left one of the femininit online communities i used to belong to I opened about how I worry about the future, being single and 30 is the age for me is the age I want to die. Honestly this woman member has everything beauty, a husband and kids and enjoys judging me, jesus she loves judging me so much all the time. She tells me how I shouldn't talk about killing myself because she has had family members who have died from suicide and how a woman doesn't need a man I go should get a hobby. She even has the audacity to say" I dont want to hear that negative self talk, no no I have had family members die from suicide"

I hate people like her. She has everything and she now wants to tell me how to live my life. She is biggest sanctimonious piece of sh*t I ever encountered. I don't care how left leaning, pro abortion and feminist she is, she is just as a bad as these religious prolife people because these people love judging others.

SOME feminists ( NOT ALL) behave just like those mean christians in the church who think they are superior to others just because they hold a set of beliefs and live a particular lifestyle which they believe is pure according to their interpretation of the bible.

These people are both toxic as each other and need to kept far away from vunlerable people as it is clear they do not give a care about their wellbeing.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

That may turn out to be my plan. I'll be sorry to disappoint my family, but I don't want this to be a recurring issue.

Just turned 24; six more years left. Maybe?

 

[FireFox]

I'm not sure if this will help, but I'm older than 30, have a decent career, own a home, married with kids, and yet I still want to CTB.

@leftoxy Awww virtual hug and sending lots of love to you

Hey at least you are not a judgemental bullying arsehole, you are a kind hearted person. I used to belong to this online feminist community space which allows women to discuss feminism and other stuff. There was this one older feminist left wing woman who had absolutely everything: beauty, husband, children and stable life but loved judging me all the time even when i admitted I was suicidal. She is a privileged feminist woman who has it all and she is most judgemental woman i have ever met.

I once opened about how I worry about the future, being single and 30 is the age for me is the age I want to die because I am disappointed in my life.

She tells me how I shouldn't talk about killing myself because she has had family members who have died from suicide and how a woman doesn't need a man instead I go should get a hobby. She even has the audacity to say" I dont want to hear that negative self talk, no no no I have had family members die from suicide" I never in

I really hate people like her because she has everything and now wants to tell me how to live my life. I f*cking do not care how left leaning, pro abortion and feminist she is, she is just as a bad as these religious prolife people because these people love judging others and want to impose their morality on others. She is such a sanctimonious piece of sh*t I have met judgemental arseholes but she is the absolute worst.

You are a kind a person I wish there was more people like you. How old are your kids if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Hurt]

I will be 30 soon and I want to ctb before that happens. I dont want to live another decade full of misery.

 

[FireFox]

I will be 30 soon and I want to ctb before that happens. I dont want to live another decade full of misery.

@BlackDays When I open up online about how I don't want to see another decade I have received is f*cking judgement or not taken seriously. The worst I have ever experience was from this feminist married mother lectures me about how I shouldn't talk about killing myself because she has had family members who have died from suicide and how a woman doesn't need a man instead I go should get a hobby. She even has the audacity to say" I dont want to hear that negative self talk, no no no I have had family members die from suicide" there millions of reasons why I want to die the karen didn't even read

I f*cking do not care how left leaning, pro choice she is on abortion and feminist she is, she is just as a bad as these religious pro life people she despises so much. That feminist woman and religious pro lifer are both bad as each other because both love imposing their morality on others and keep acting all holier than thou when actually they are piece of sh*t individuals.

The woman has everything a husband, kids and beauty and stable life most people would want her life. She wants to tell me how I should live my life and judges me. She is an evil judgemental b*tch I don't how left leaning and progressive she is.

I feel sorry for her kids having a hateful judgemental mother like that who loves judging a suicidal 25 year suicidal old online.

my very last friend and i have had a "joking" suicide pact since we were probably 14 or 15, but we're both 24 now and we still bring it up from time to time that if we're still as miserable at 29 as we are now, it's then or never. i seriously gotta wonder if he's as serious as i am…i really fucking feel you. completely there too.

@unnoticed

I absoultely love the pikachu on a balloon profile picture it is so adorable you have wonderful taste. Big virtual hug for you and thanks for understanding. I really hope one day things get better for the both of us.

I am now just tired of fighting and living.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

I can relate to how you feel. Sorry you are struggling at the moment. Life is bullshit. Im turning 30 pretty soon. I will say though dont be ashamed by others achievments. Im sure you are a nice person. You are still young, despite the shit that is going on atm you are not a failure. You still have time to figure stuff out. The main thing to remember is fuck what people think of you :)

 

[Zegers]

I dont feel young at 30 but i think it depends on every life situation