Discussion Change a Fundemental Part of Yourself?

[wondering&wandering]

If you could change something fundemental about you physically speaking (height, looks, sex, age, etc.) would you and why? If not, why not?

Also, I'd be interested in the same question but mentally speaking.

 

[sserafim]

Maybe I would get rid of my Asperger's to see what it would be like to not have it. I'm not sure though. I think that just having ADHD would make me more of a normie, and I don't think that I would like or be satisfied with it. The main thing that lets me have a unique perspective is ASD.

 

[KafkaF]

If you could change something fundemental about you physically speaking (height, looks, sex, age, etc.) would you and why? If not, why not?

Also, I'd be interested in the same question but mentally speaking.

Depends on what you mean and what the exact parameters are.

Like am I changing it right now? As in, from this day forward it'll be different? Or am I theoretically changing my entire life from start to finish, basically retconning it into existence? Would I still remember the current me and my experiences, or would I only remember the history of that me? And can I undo it?

If I'd remember everything form now and I could undo it, I think I'd try changing my sex. Idk, I'd be very curious about how different my life would've been as a woman. Or what it would be like to be a woman. It's something I'm obviously fundamentally unable to understand and it's something I'm very curious about. I'm not sure I'd want to be a woman forever though, I'd just be curious to find out what it's like and then go back.

If I could change my age in the sense that I'd go back in time and be that age again, then I'd revert my age to 17.

If you're talking about a trait that would change right now, then I'd just pick my attractiveness. I'd want to be attractive supermodel level attractive. If I could change that I imagine it could hugely change my life. I'm not sure if it would be enough to make me not want to CTB at this point. But it's one of the few things that might make things a little bit better.

If I have to be more specific than that... idk. Maybe get higher cheekbones, a smaller nose or different lips. There's like a million things I'd want to change about my appearance, tbh.

Mentally... If you're familiar with the Big 5 personality traits, I'd want to reverse my neuroticism, I guess. Neuroticism is probably the thing that predisposes me to being so depressed. I'm honestly not sure if I'd want to get rid of my HSP... It has its advantages and disadvantages. The other thing I'm thinking about is my ability to love deeply.

I'm someone who, when I really love someone, I love them incredibly deeply. I'm extremely emotionally engaged, caring, would do almost anything for them and my feelings don't die down easily. Getting rid of that would be... a thought. That might actually be enough to get me to not CTB. Although if it's retroactive it'd probably HUGELY change my life. And I don't know if it would be for the better.

If I hadn't fallen so in love with my previous girlfriend, I wouldn't want to CTB right now. On the other hand, if I hadn't fallen so in love with her I probably would've never experienced the happiness and intense emotions that I experienced during our relationship. And that's something I cherish.

So, idk...

Oh, I guess my ability to write. If I could give myself the writing abilities of someone like George R.R. Martin or Tolkien or Hemingway or whatever, I'd take that in an instant. But I'm not sure whether that counts as a choice for the purposes of this question.

Basically, I'd change almost everything about myself. My looks, my mind, my life. If I was everything that I'm currently not I would be better. The only thing about myself that I appreciate, I guess, is my passion for writing, my intelligence (though I wouldn't mind being even smarter) and my dark sense of humour. That could stay. Everything else should go though.

Maybe I would get rid of my Asperger's to see what it would be like to not have it. I'm not sure though. I think that just having ADHD would make me more of a normie, and I don't think that I would like or be satisfied with it. The main thing that lets me have a unique perspective is ASD.

Normies are the worst, imo. It does seem easier to be one but it seems a lot less interesting to me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I should probably change my confidence or general outlook in myself but I'm scared of what I'd become. Maybe I should rather want to change how fearful I am since fear and anxiety guide me through so much in life but then I think of what potential future mistakes I might make without any fear and I go right back to feeling afraid.

Oh yeah and maybe my wiener size as well. Just make it average size.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

i wanna be a real girl instead of a wannabe girl
i wanna be a real person and really exist
i wanna understand & be more than what i am

 

[NewtoEarth]

I'm not sure if I would change myself physically. I'm not partial to how I look, but I don't particularly care, either. I've not been one to seek external opinions, and I'm okay with it, so I can't see a good reason to do anything. Being a little taller would be neat, if only so I could fit into some fashions styles that I like! ((being short does NOT help me achieve the fashion aesthetics I find cool! >:( ))

Mentally, I would like to be more present. I daydream a bit too often, and it borders on delusion most of the time. I am convinced that my real family has dropped me off on Earth and will come retrieve me, either at the end of my life or when they decide they want to. I suppose it gives me something to point to and rage at, in lieu of a religion? These thoughts have altered the path of my life, and I feel frustrated and isolated when talking to people sometimes. I would like to be a normal human, with a normal ego, and normal aspirations. I don't think my elementary school teachers were super thrilled with "Leaving" being my ultimate dream. I've successfully reframed being here as a vacation of sorts, which has helped, but I don't know if I'll ever think about life "normally." Ah well.

 

[Malaria]

I want to care less what people think of me, I want to be less afraid, and I want to be more charismatic and funny

 

[theboy]

not have a mental illness

 

[wondering&wandering]

Maybe I would get rid of my Asperger's to see what it would be like to not have it. I'm not sure though. I think that just having ADHD would make me more of a normie, and I don't think that I would like or be satisfied with it. The main thing that lets me have a unique perspective is ASD.

That's interesting. Thanks for sharing!

So, as a follow up question, you're saying you're afraid that without ASD you'd be too normal, which is undesired?

I don't have ASD (or anything that I'm aware of [haven't tried getting diagnosed for anything; maybe I'm a normie, lol]).

You don't think you'd be unique enough without ASD or ADHD? (I do get the desire of being unique though).

Depends on what you mean and what the exact parameters are.

I think you did well enough with your detailed response; much appreciated!

Oh, I guess my ability to write. If I could give myself the writing abilities of someone like George R.R. Martin or Tolkien or Hemingway or whatever, I'd take that in an instant. But I'm not sure whether that counts as a choice for the purposes of this question.

That's a great one; I'd want to be a great writer too! Not even to be recognized per se, but to be able to eloquently express myself and write awesome things!

Basically, I'd change almost everything about myself. My looks, my mind, my life. If I was everything that I'm currently not I would be better. The only thing about myself that I appreciate, I guess, is my passion for writing, my intelligence (though I wouldn't mind being even smarter) and my dark sense of humour. That could stay. Everything else should go though.

Interesting summary. I know a lot of people on here have said they would rather be dumbed down, so that's interesting you'd say you want to be smarter.

Have a dark joke for us? PM me if you don't feel comfortable sharing to all.

Normies are the worst, imo. It does seem easier to be one but it seems a lot less interesting to me.

Another interesting take. What exactly is a normie to you?

 

[wondering&wandering]

I should probably change my confidence or general outlook in myself but I'm scared of what I'd become. Maybe I should rather want to change how fearful I am since fear and anxiety guide me through so much in life but then I think of what potential future mistakes I might make without any fear and I go right back to feeling afraid.

Oh yeah and maybe my wiener size as well. Just make it average size.

I'm happy to see you respond to my post, and in a seemingly honest way, too!

I totally relate to being scared of what I'd become if I tweaked with the me I know. That's actually one of the reasons why I asked the question to see if anyone felt there would be repercusions to changing themselves.

Fear is definitely needed in life, but too much of it can destroy you. Hopefully you desire to seek that balance as I do.

And yeah, I like your extra honesty; I tip my hat to thee. Also, I wonder, would you say you are or desire to step upon the road of recovery?

i wanna be a real girl instead of a wannabe girl
i wanna be a real person and really exist
i wanna understand & be more than what i am

Thanks for your genuine response!

If you don't mind, could you elaborate on what you mean by 'be a real person?' If for some reason you'd rather PM me the response you can, or if you'd rather not explain that's okay too.

Wishing you peace!

I want to care less what people think of me, I want to be less afraid, and I want to be more charismatic and funny

Those are good ones. They actually seem to be achievable ones, so I hope you don't think they're out of reach.

Wishing you can work towards shunning your fears and channeling your inner funniness!

not have a mental illness

I'm sad and sorry to hear you have a mental illness. It's good to hear you want it to change though because some people slip into apathy and stop caring.

Wishing you peace and that you can quell your illness! Feel free to PM if you ever want to talk about it.

I'm not sure if I would change myself physically. I'm not partial to how I look, but I don't particularly care, either. I've not been one to seek external opinions, and I'm okay with it, so I can't see a good reason to do anything. Being a little taller would be neat, if only so I could fit into some fashions styles that I like! ((being short does NOT help me achieve the fashion aesthetics I find cool! >:( ))

Lol, glad you're not overly particular about your looks. I wish I wasn't so scrawny. Track pants and sweatshirts save me public shame, lol.

Mentally, I would like to be more present. I daydream a bit too often, and it borders on delusion most of the time. I am convinced that my real family has dropped me off on Earth and will come retrieve me, either at the end of my life or when they decide they want to. I suppose it gives me something to point to and rage at, in lieu of a religion? These thoughts have altered the path of my life, and I feel frustrated and isolated when talking to people sometimes. I would like to be a normal human, with a normal ego, and normal aspirations. I don't think my elementary school teachers were super thrilled with "Leaving" being my ultimate dream. I've successfully reframed being here as a vacation of sorts, which has helped, but I don't know if I'll ever think about life "normally." Ah well.

Thanks for sharing your real thoughts!

That's an interesting mentality you have. Your real family as in other human beans or other beings? If you'd rather not talk about it though, no pressure.

Hope you're enjoying yourself here so far; it's a rough ride, but one I at least hope to enjoy.

 

[HereTomorrow]

Probably be more feminine. I'm a tomboy who buys men's clothing a lot and while it feels great I find myself questioning my gender for a few years, but no, I'm certain I'm a woman and I'm comfortable being one. It is just the things that make me look comfortable that makes me question over and over. I just want to stop questioning and just wear feminine clothes to verify yes, I'm a woman.

If not that, I wanna be taller.

I'm really short and just wanna be 5'7".

I work a job where I am the only one who needs a stool, I play arcades games on my toes, I feel like I'm overreaching for things and will fall over if I stretch too far.

 

[wondering&wandering]

Probably be more feminine. I'm a tomboy who buys men's clothing a lot and while it feels great I find myself questioning my gender for a few years, but no, I'm certain I'm a woman and I'm comfortable being one. It is just the things that make me look comfortable that makes me question over and over. I just want to stop questioning and just wear feminine clothes to verify yes, I'm a woman.

Ah, interesting. It's kinda funny you'd say that. I'd actually wish to be more masculine. Also, I'm glad to hear you're certain in a part of your identity; good for you!

I personally don't think you need to wear certain clothes society deems feminine to feel comfortable being a woman, but in a sense I get what you mean. The influence of society is stronger than I'd like.

If not that, I wanna be taller.

I'm really short and just wanna be 5'7".

I work a job where I am the only one who needs a stool, I play arcades games on my toes, I feel like I'm overreaching for things and will fall over if I stretch too far.

That's a good one, too. I've always wanted to be taller, too. But I've seen some people with back problems because they're too tall (my brother has scoliosis, which may or may not have something to do with him being the tallest in the family). At least you've got a stool handy! Although, that sounds like it sucks to play arcade games on your toes. Funnily enough, I went to an arcade (sadly not the faraway one with WACCA), and played Galaga and Mrs. Pac-Man. I can't imagine having to have done so on my toes.

Hope your recovery is going well!

 

[juna]

I would only alter my brain. That too just remove the sad memories and that's it. I like myself for whatever I am, I wouldn't change a thing about me.
I wish to also have the ability to feel happiness in life
I wish to also have the ability to feel happiness in life

 

[wondering&wandering]

I would only alter my brain. That too just remove the sad memories and that's it. I like myself for whatever I am, I wouldn't change a thing about me.

Thanks for responding! I'm glad to hear you're content with yourself physically speaking; that's very mature of you to have that mindset.

So, just removing some sad memories? Would you have to remove a lot of your memories to achieve that?

Wishing you well!

 

[juna]

Thanks for responding! I'm glad to hear you're content with yourself physically speaking; that's very mature of you to have that mindset.

So, just removing some sad memories? Would you have to remove a lot of your memories to achieve that?

Wishing you well!

I will have to remove a lot of childhood memories. My rest of life was bearable but I just can't get over my sadness. I don't know what is wrong with me. Those memories keep coming to me and I sit and cry for hours. I am so empty that nothing fulfills me. Children should always be happy, they deserve all the happiness in the world.

 

[wondering&wandering]

I will have to remove a lot of childhood memories. My rest of life was bearable but I just can't get over my sadness. I don't know what is wrong with me. Those memories keep coming to me and I sit and cry for hours. I am so empty that nothing fulfills me. Children should always be happy, they deserve all the happiness in the world.

Hmm, I'm sad and sorry to hear you didn't have the happy childhood you deserved. :(

If it helps to talk/vent about it, you're welcome to PM me. Regardless, I hope you take care!

 

[sserafim]

That's interesting. Thanks for sharing!

So, as a follow up question, you're saying you're afraid that without ASD you'd be too normal, which is undesired?

I don't have ASD (or anything that I'm aware of [haven't tried getting diagnosed for anything; maybe I'm a normie, lol]).

You don't think you'd be unique enough without ASD or ADHD? (I do get the desire of being unique though).

Another interesting take. What exactly is a normie to you?

If I didn't have ASD, then I'd probably be just another normie going through the motions of the success checklist: career, partner, marriage, children, family, house. Personally, these things don't matter to me, and I have no desire or want for any of them. However, if I were a normie, these would be the things that I would strive to achieve. It's what everyone "normal" does (to be deemed "successful" by society). (Probably because of ASD), I see no point in conforming to the norm.

 

[wondering&wandering]

If I didn't have ASD, then I'd probably be just another normie going through the motions of the success checklist: career, partner, marriage, children, family, house. Personally, these things don't matter to me and I have no desire or want for any of them. However, if I were a normie, these would be the things that I would strive to achieve. It's what everyone "normal" does.

Okay, so you wouldn't like the idea of being a normie and "having" to go through the motions?

Also, how would you define a normie? Someone without mental/physical inhibitions that fits the mold of a "normal" human (that's what I have pictured in my mind right now)?

Do you think a normie can choose not to go through the motions?

 

[sserafim]

Okay, so you wouldn't like the idea of being a normie and "having" to go through the motions?

Also, how would you define a normie? Someone without mental/physical inhibitions that fits the mold of a "normal" human (that's what I have pictured in my mind right now)?

Do you think a normie can choose not to go through the motions?

I wouldn't like the idea of being a normie and having to go through the motions. I consider normies to be mindless, brainwashed sheep who can't think for themselves. They're basically NPCs to me. I think that most normies are brainwashed and conditioned to go through the motions. I don't think that any of them would choose not to, as that's what society teaches them to strive towards. Most normies want to conform and do what everyone else does. I don't think that any of them would actively choose to rebel or go against the norm

 

[wondering&wandering]

I wouldn't like the idea of being a normie. I consider them mindless, brainwashed sheep who can't think for themselves. They're basically NPCs to me. I think that most normies are brainwashed and conditioned to go through the motions. I don't think that any of them would choose not to, as that's what society teaches them to strive towards. Most normies want to conform and do what everyone else does. I don't think that any of them would actively choose to rebel or go against the norm

Interesting take. Thanks for sharing your thoughts; much appreciated!

 

[robotomy]

I kinda wish I was asexual, if thats even a thing in men with normal endocrine systems and reproductive health. From what I've seen so far, it tends to be more of a women thing than for men, and that partly might be due to anatomical differences. Idk that much about the female reproductive system - but as a guy, I think we kinda need(?) to 'flush out' semen from time to time. Thats different from the menstrual cycle in this context, because periods happen on their own, and doesnt require direct sexual stimulation. I say "need(?)" because theres correlational studies about ejaculation and prostate cancer, possibly implying a physical need for flushing. But regardless of that scientific validity (and prostate cancer can kill me if I'm not gonna do it myself), the body's need for it is still evidenced by strong, innate mental desires of it. I'm not entrenched in the nofap community, but I think guys in general go a bit nuts without ejaculations after some time. Also, extreme sexual repression (as shown in religion) could 'bust the dam' and backfire towards degeneracy. So theres a few lifestyle options. One is to be more of a hookup kind of guy that has meaningless, loveless sex. That only seems practical if 1) youre stupidly attractive (for guys at least), 2) you have an outgoing lifestyle and personality, and 3) money (if not stupidly good looking). But not only do I think that it leads to emptiness (or uncontrollable attachment) and possibly interpersonal (and even legal) drama, some part of me just finds a deep, philosophical 'ick' to it (if I did it too much, which isn't much to me). So another option would to be a normal fuckin person, and have meaningful relationships (which usually involves sex cuz oxytocin and pair-bonding and yadda yadda all that stuff).

But the rest of me doesn't seem that human, thus not compatible with sex in a human sense. I'm not autistic, but i think i'm a bit of a weirdo in the ways I think and try to interact. For example, I don't remember ever truly 'loving' someone, except for maybe birds (I did grow up with one). I guess I had relatively normal childhood circumstances, but idk if the way I mentally approached and perceived them were normal. Whatever the case, the results that manifested to this current day still kinda feels new at this point in my life. As of now, I actively try to avoid emotionally investing into others, like on a grand scale. It's part of my generally perfectionist, apprehensive, and overthinking nature that pervades more than just the subject of my long-ass essay here. I struggle to deal with non-100% situations in general, and probably quite a bit more than the average person. For interpersonal relations, it might partly be a self-perpetuating cycle. I go to school, participate in recreational sports a couple times per week, and might seem 'normal enough' on a surface level IRL...but I've yet to try and deeply learn about someone because of all the complications that I perceive. So whatever views of people I have tend to come from what I THINK people could be like, and the internet (its at a metaphorically safe distance, and you could learn deeper details about people, thus closer to learning what people are truly like deep down). That might further fuel social withdrawal, and repeat. Of course, these methods have lots of flaws, and at the very least I would want to balance it out with more IRL interactions. I'm relatively young so maybe SOME of whatever I said here will change, but only in the sense that I learn to understand, respect, and empathize with people better in general (as well as untangling what is still a really messy mind of mine). On the other hand, who knows if I can ever learn to TRULY love people that come into my social circle (I've had some rare indications/exceptions)...and that fuels the confusion and dilemmas that I have regarding the subject of sex. Maybe this puts me under the "aromantic" umbrella, or whatever other in-between umbrellas of the aroace spectrum and community. But part of it really is confusion (not the gay kind of confusion haha), so I might find out as I go I guess...

Anyways, it would be silly to gloss over another option - which is to live a reasonably healthy life, just wank off like most dudes do, and to just be voluntarily celibate to fit with my not-so-personable self. But what do I jack off to? I dont want it to be about girls or sexual material (like it is right now), because I think that itll keep me tethered towards desiring them, and that could spill over and cause issues IRL. And unfortunately we live in an age with it's own unique problems, like porn. Unlike drugs, it seems hard to quit cold turkey and truly detach from sexual hormones, urges, and sensations (because of what I said at the start). So that weakens walls of self-control, and things can spiral out of control in the context of porn usage (addictions like this tend to 'progress' in a bad way). It doesn't help that my life is not well-oiled machine of healthy outlets, so even though I have a hobby or two, they aren't enough to keep me from resorting to jacking off to relieve mental fatigue, stress, and whatever other negative states (especially with the help of explicit material). I guess I should try learning more about self-identified asexual men, and how they handle things. And I sure as hell need to get my own shit together enough to figure it out for myself too. I've never tried consistently jacking off to...nothing. Maybe my failure to do so are also fueled by the uncertainty of whether that's even possible...

 

[robotomy]

If I didn't have ASD, then I'd probably be just another normie going through the motions of the success checklist: career, partner, marriage, children, family, house. Personally, these things don't matter to me, and I have no desire or want for any of them. However, if I were a normie, these would be the things that I would strive to achieve. It's what everyone "normal" does (to be deemed "successful" by society). (Probably because of ASD), I see no point in conforming to the norm.

I have my own share of oddities (some teetering into disability territory), and without them I probably would've had a more standard life timeline and lifestyle. Very often I've had malaise over these kinds of 'failures', because it reflects on poor decisions I've made (I don't think my oddities are debilitating enough to bear the blame), and because I can understand that there is SOME good in the "normie" life. But it's gonna get pretty complicated trying to measure the weights between what's good vs bad about these paths in life in TODAY's society (esp vs simpler times in the past), so I'll avoid that. Also, I don't have ASD so I wonder if you see even less of the good in the normie life than I see.

Anyways, when I come home from school, I sometimes ride a train that goes through a really popular metropolis in the US, and I think that even compared to other cities, it has an extreme polarity of being really extravagant yet messy, slum-ridden, etc. And that train route rides sorta high (but not too high) above ground, so I sometimes get to really see the nitty gritty 'behind the scenes' part of the city. It's glaring visual imagery of just how much people there are in dirty conditions doing menial, low-paid work...that also keeps the gears turning in society.

Sometimes when I'm in bed being a bit mopey and dysfunctional, I think of people like that...wondering how they're able to keep up. The answer is probably pretty simple. They've had socioeconomic circumstances that put them in these lifestyles, and their educational upbringing might not have made them aware of whatever mumbo jumbo we talk about on this forum. They're lives are likely simpler, and that has it's own merits. Now for us, idk...it might be too late to go back to a state of consistent blissful ignorance. So I personally am struggling to deal with it, trying to make sense of things, sort myself out, etc...But from time to time, we should keep in mind that these kinds of people are everywhere. And realize that this advanced (arguably too advanced) world will fall apart without people less fortunate that even myself. But a further question I continue to ask myself is whether I even want these things that life/society provides in the first place, and whether I'm willing to begrudgingly offer my own time and energy for them. And with your condition(s), I know that it's even more difficult to function at a base level, so it's probably an even harder dilemma...

Anyways, one other facet of these workers they're not only too busy to stop, think, and be miserable about their situation...they also might have strong familial ties that they can't (and shouldn't) let go of. I not only don't have a strongly connected family (half of them lives on the other side of the globe for one), I also don't see myself having kids...so that's one missing puzzle piece of 'meaning' and purpose that I can't use. Well idk, maybe best case scenario I can find someone that's ok with only owning a pet with me.

 

[terra.nuvo]

Physically I wish I could change my weight. I've been overweight my whole life and I'd like to know what it's like to be thinner. I feel like it would make me a little more confident in myself, but who knows maybe my confidence is just always gonna be low no matter what I look like.

Mentally, I'm not sure what I'd like to change. There's so many things that I hate about myself like my obsessiveness, my need for control, my depressiveness, my lack of confidence, and the list just goes on and on. But if I had to choose one thing to change I guess I'd probably change my weak willed state. I feel like with a strong will I would be able to keep a job, friends, and just overall be able to maintain myself. I'd be able to commit to sticking with beauty and fitness regimens too which would be nice.

 

[departindarkness]

No thought needed. Sexuality. Life would be worth living.

 

[sserafim]

But the rest of me doesn't seem that human, thus not compatible with sex in a human sense. I'm not autistic, but i think i'm a bit of a weirdo in the ways I think and try to interact. For example, I don't remember ever truly 'loving' someone, except for maybe birds (I did grow up with one). I guess I had relatively normal childhood circumstances, but idk if the way I mentally approached and perceived them were normal. Whatever the case, the results that manifested to this current day still kinda feels new at this point in my life. As of now, I actively try to avoid emotionally investing into others, like on a grand scale. It's part of my generally perfectionist, apprehensive, and overthinking nature that pervades more than just the subject of my long-ass essay here. I struggle to deal with non-100% situations in general, and probably quite a bit more than the average person. For interpersonal relations, it might partly be a self-perpetuating cycle. I go to school, participate in recreational sports a couple times per week, and might seem 'normal enough' on a surface level IRL...but I've yet to try and deeply learn about someone because of all the complications that I perceive. So whatever views of people I have tend to come from what I THINK people could be like, and the internet (its at a metaphorically safe distance, and you could learn deeper details about people, thus closer to learning what people are truly like deep down). That might further fuel social withdrawal, and repeat. Of course, these methods have lots of flaws, and at the very least I would want to balance it out with more IRL interactions. I'm relatively young so maybe SOME of whatever I said here will change, but only in the sense that I learn to understand, respect, and empathize with people better in general (as well as untangling what is still a really messy mind of mine). On the other hand, who knows if I can ever learn to TRULY love people that come into my social circle (I've had some rare indications/exceptions)...and that fuels the confusion and dilemmas that I have regarding the subject of sex. Maybe this puts me under the "aromantic" umbrella, or whatever other in-between umbrellas of the aroace spectrum and community. But part of it really is confusion (not the gay kind of confusion haha), so I might find out as I go I guess...

Same. I don't remember ever truly loving someone either. I also avoid emotionally investing into others. I had a bird when I was a kid. It was a golden canary. Sadly it died of eye cancer though.

 

[robotomy]

Same. I don't remember ever truly loving someone either. I also avoid emotionally investing into others. I had a bird when I was a kid. It was a golden canary. Sadly it died of eye cancer though.

I've never heard of eye cancer for birds, let alone ppl. I think my budgie died from some tumor near her butt. What's interesting is that because she wasn't hand-raised by us, she was touch-averse for even universally bird-feel-good actions like head rubs. But when she was closer to death and didnt have the energy to jump away from our trusted hands...it actually looked like she loved the head rubs. There's a philosophical lesson in there somewhere but im tired from all my Sasu essay comments this morning . Idk how you comment so much every day.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Having a brain with the right amount of serotonin, no autism and body that has energy would be nice.

 

[sserafim]

Having a brain with the right amount of serotonin, no autism and body that has energy would be nice.

Does your brain have the right amount of dopamine?

 

[LevUwU]

God, everything. Probably my brain chemistry if I could only choose one, but everything

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Does your brain have the right amount of dopamine?

No lol