Discussion Celebrity suicides and grief

[deadbidaylight]

I'm embarrassed to be even writing this, but it's not something I can really discuss with friends or family as they just don't understand. I'm hoping someone can validate that what I'm feeling isn't totally insane.

This isn't new news. In fact, he's been gone for 7 years now. It was widely publicized. Anyone who knows music, knows that Chester Bennington CTB via hanging in 2017. I've been a lifelong fan of Linkin Park, right back to the days of Hybrid Theory being released. Their music has gotten me through so many dark times in my life, and continue to do so.

My issue is, I cannot seem to move past the grief of Chester's passing. I think about it daily. I still cry about it at least once a week, if not more. There are certain songs that I can't listen to without completely breaking down. I feel like a big piece of my heart is missing knowing that he's really gone and there is nothing left. That I will never get to experience seeing him perform live, and that I will never again hear new music with his voice again.

It has gotten to the point where I have contemplated suicide in the same manner he did. Not necessarily *because* he did, but more so because if someone who had as much love and light as he did couldn't make it in the world, why should I think I can? This is where the suicide contagion topic comes into play (my earlier post). Why do I feel such an immense sadness over someone who I've never met and didn't know I even existed? I am so ashamed that I can be affected this greatly over someone famous who's been gone for so many years. I just want to be able to move on, and I can't seem to. I'm a grown ass woman, a mother, a partner. Why can't I get my shit together and carry on?

 

[bobblong]

*Sends hugs virtually . There's nothing wrong with you , maybe you sympathized with him(Chester) deep down . But it's ok now , you have a family , and their smiles and happiness will be your saving grace.

You are luckier than most, a beautiful woman with no disabilities, and a loving family awaits you home.
Don't ever give up.

 

[The_Hunter]

I had no idea Linkin Park's lead singer died from suicide. My most heartfelt of regards to his beautiful soul & voice.

I just want to add another remarkable musician who has experienced deep depths of suffering, Dan Barrett, from Have A Nice Life. Deathconsciousness's album cover is my profile picture, you may have noticed. He has spoken on his struggles with deep depression, as well. "Practical Notes on Depression From a Semi-Famously Depressed Person" is an article he wrote. (I'm actually listening to Deep, Deep [from Deathconsciousness] right now [at the time of writing], haha!)

I just want to say, that I too, have had similar thoughts of "how could I make it--how could I end up getting through this [because I feel I can't & don't have it in me]". Your post reminded me of this section from Metanoia's (excellent) small collection of articles on suicide. Have it here.

No one outside of us, nor we ourselves, can accurately determine our risk for dying by suicide. It cannot be determined on the basis of attempts we have or have not made, and it cannot be determined by totaling up the number of our warning sign conditions.

Consider two people who smoke the same number of cigarettes for the same number of years. At age 40 one of them gets cancer and dies. We are like the survivor. For each of us there is someone who had problems similar to ours who is now dead from suicide. Like the survivor, we have a life-endangering condition. The longer it lasts and the worse it gets, the greater the likelihood that we will die.

People who survive unhurt from horrible car accidents, get mild heart attacks, or are threatened by violence from others, are people who have been in serious life-threatening situations.

—Suicidal thoughts: how serious is our condition? | https://metanoia.org/suicide/serious.htm

 

[deadbidaylight]

*Sends hugs virtually . There's nothing wrong with you , maybe you sympathized with him(Chester) deep down . But it's ok now , you have a family , and their smiles and happiness will be your saving grace.

You are luckier than most, a beautiful woman with no disabilities, and a loving family awaits you home.
Don't ever give up.

This has to be one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you for that. It brought tears to my eyes.

 

[The_Hunter]

In a way some of the most deepest & heartfelt parts of Chester live on in his music, his music felt in your soul; so, in a way, Chester lives on through the people who feel his art firsthand, such as you. May his memory be a blessing <3

 

[ihatemyselfwanttodi]

Don't think it's weird at all. I feel the same way about Chris Cornell. Hell, also Kurt Cobain and I wasn't born until the year after

 

[Forever Sleep]

I remember when David Bowie died and there was this psychology woman on the radio saying how 'wrong' it was that total strangers were grieving. I really hate that attitude though. Music, songs and singers can be terrific coping mechanisms for us. They can feel a part of our lives. I don't see why we should have to feel guilty for what we feel- unless we are hurting others.

I think emotions are complex things. Especially if we aren't lucky enough to receive the love and support we needed from our families or, we go through some kind of trauma, it makes sense to me that we go looking elsewhere for comfort and understanding. I don't think it's uncommon either. Think of the amount of people who get obsessed by TV shows or film franchises.

 

[J&L383]

Don't think it's weird at all. I feel the same way about Chris Cornell. Hell, also Kurt Cobain and I wasn't born until the year after

Me too, those two, and so many others.

 

[The_Hunter]

I remember when David Bowie died and there was this psychology woman on the radio saying how 'wrong' it was that total strangers were grieving. I really hate that attitude though. Music, songs and singers can be terrific coping mechanisms for us. They can feel a part of our lives. I don't see why we should have to feel guilty for what we feel- unless we are hurting others.

I think emotions are complex things. Especially if we aren't lucky enough to receive the love and support we needed from our families or, we go through some kind of trauma, it makes sense to me that we go looking elsewhere for comfort and understanding. I don't think it's uncommon either. Think of the amount of people who get obsessed by TV shows or film franchises.

I think it is a beautiful miracle actually, that we are able to grieve for & truly love people we may not have even physically met; that we are able to establish that cosmopolitan familyhood--that is truly a miracle of our modern artsphere, that we are able to find such personal solace in artists like that. Grief is a form of love, and when we see this through art, it is a testament to how connected humans can be to one another.

I actually think it is very virtuous that we are able to grieve over celebrity & artist deaths like this. You certainly don't have to grieve over an artist to demonstrate your love for them--everyone shows care in different ways--but to miss a person and miss their light in the world; shows that you truly do care about who they were, who they are, and the impact they had on you, the world, and all others. To say this is "weakness" is to exalt weakness--if this is weak then love is weak, then tender understanding is weak--it demonstrates a careless & bitter machismo that must frankly be resigned to the school playground: love. is. human. What right does another have to call another one's feeling of grief wrong. If you do not understand another person's grief; you must allow them to it, and give them space to breathe in that right, that feeling of distance.

From generations, has the common person found solace & understanding in art. From the written word, to the film, and the sung lyric; do we all touch humanity once again, and we are all the more at peace for it.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I think it is a beautiful miracle actually, that we are able to grieve for & truly love people we may not have even physically met; that we are able to establish that cosmopolitan familyhood--that is truly a miracle of our modern artsphere, that we are able to find such personal solace in artists like that. Grief is a form of love, and when we see this through art, it is a testament to how connected humans can be to one another.

I actually think it is very virtuous that we are able to grieve over celebrity & artist deaths like this. You certainly don't have to grieve over an artist to demonstrate your love for them--everyone shows care in different ways--but to miss a person and miss their light in the world; shows that you truly do care about who they were, who they are, and the impact they had on you, the world, and all others. To say this is "weakness" is to exalt weakness--if this is weak then love is weak, then tender understanding is weak--it demonstrates a careless & bitter machismo that must frankly be resigned to the school playground: love. is. human. What right does another have to call another one's feeling of grief wrong. If you do not understand another person's grief; you must allow them to it, and give them space to breathe in that right, that feeling of distance.

From generations, has the common person found solace & understanding in art. From the written word, to the film, and the sung lyric; do we all touch humanity once again, and we are all the more at peace for it.

This is beautiful. Thank you so much for your input. It really does ease a bit of the pain I feel and validates my feelings in a subject I otherwise feel shame about. I truly did love this man and everything he stood for and even though I never really knew him doesn't diminish my feelings. It's so heartbreaking to me to know such a beautiful soul is no longer with us. He took a part of me with him when he passed. I hope wherever he is, he feels the love of all the folks he touched. If he does, he will be surrounded in it. Which is all that I hope for him. He deserves it.

 

[The_Hunter]

This is beautiful. Thank you so much for your input. It really does ease a bit of the pain I feel and validates my feelings in a subject I otherwise feel shame about. I truly did love this man and everything he stood for and even though I never really knew him doesn't diminish my feelings. It's so heartbreaking to me to know such a beautiful soul is no longer with us. He took a part of me with him when he passed. I hope wherever he is, he feels the love of all the folks he touched. If he does, he will be surrounded in it. Which is all that I hope for him. He deserves it.

Know that even though a part of you passed with him, that a part of him is living in you, right now I can clearly see you truly love this man and though you may have never known him in person, I am sure you still know him well; from his music, his art, his soul & words--all very real parts of him that are a very real manifestation of who he truly was and what he truly felt & experienced. I truly believe that people know other people in a similar way that people know themselves--in a very scientific sort of manner (that's as about as spiritual I can achieve with how science-y I am, lol)--and that one's cognitive comprehending of a person, is a real touch of that person, of who they are. (If you've seen Episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion; a similar idea is shared.)

Such beauty flowed out by such beautiful souls, can never truly be forgotten or completely erased; and there is a beauty in this, too.

 

[fallingtopieces]

I don't feel it as consistently or as strongly as you do but some of the things you wrote def resonated. For me it was Chris Cornell, I grew up loving Soundgarden ever since the Louder Than Love album, then going back into their catalog. Then of course came the amazing Badmotorfinger which I've listened to more times than Superunknown which of course was also a fantastic album. His amazing voice is unmistakable. He was loved by so many people, just ask Eddie Vedder, and lost people early on like Andrew Wood (Mother Love Bone) which is why there ever was Temple of the Dog with the amazing Hunger Strike song and that album i listened to on repeat many, many times as well. Pearl Jam rose from the ashes of Mother Love Bone.

I've gone so far as searching and finding released photos of not only the hotel room, but the exercise band that Chris Cornell used to end his life. It was partial suspension using the door and the band. Depression was part of his life like mine. It was Chris Cornell's death that triggered Chester Bennington. Chris Cornell was like a big brother, maybe father-type figure for Chester. His death weighed heavily on Chester who ended his life just two months later.

Like many of us, I am drawn to stories of public figures who have ended their own lives, but for me it is Chris Cornell and I have asked the same question. If someone like Chris Cornell could choose to end it, why not me?

But it reminds us of what you mentioned, that suicide contagion is a very real thing.

Spoiler: hunger strike

 

[platypus77]

Like many of us, I am drawn to stories of public figures who have ended their own lives, but for me it is Chris Cornell and I have asked the same question. If someone like Chris Cornell could choose to end it, why not me?

I think this very same thought passed through Chester Bennington's mind as well.

Even to us who know and experience the call of the void on a daily basis, it's hard to understand how a blessed person like him would feel like this.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I wish they were both still here. Chris Cornell was such an enigma, and I know his death has left a void in so many people as well. Chester CTB on his birthday. He also hung in the exact same way as Chris, just with a belt instead of an exercise band. I've also seen the photos from Chris's CTB. it's so very sad. It's also extremely sad that their deaths are synonymous with each other. I wish things could've gone differently for both of them

 

[platypus77]

I wish they were both still here. Chris Cornell was such an enigma, and I know his death has left a void in so many people as well. Chester CTB on his birthday. He also hung in the exact same way as Chris, just with a belt instead of an exercise band. I've also seen the photos from Chris's CTB. it's so very sad. It's also extremely sad that their deaths are synonymous with each other. I wish things could've gone differently for both of them

As my dear friend @The_Hunter said in another thread:

Shame how it seems life only wishes to afflict most the most finest-tasted among us, really a shame, y'know?

 

[fallingtopieces]

I wish they were both still here.
I wish things could've gone differently for both of them

me too

 

[dark archon]

Not weird at all. Celebrities and musicians become a part of our lives because we surround our lives with their music and movies everyday.

Obviously not the same as a friend or family dying, but knowing we will never hear a new song from them or see a new movie from them can affect us in similar ways.

 

[lawlietsph]

Not exactly the same, but hear me out.
I was 12 years old when I came across a girl on YouTube who was a horse rider, and she regularly posted videos about riding or just hanging around with her horse. I never knew her or anything, but I enjoyed her videos and the whole thing just made me happy. And then I found out that she actually died in a horse riding accident. It broke me and I became extremely depressed because of it. It's been 17 years since this happened, and I still check her videos sometimes, or the memorial pages, her parent's posts about her, etc... Still to this day I have no idea why this case touched me so much and I find myself weird for letting it to have such a huge impact on my life as a child. But yeah, this is just what it is... Not sure why this happens, just wanted to let you know it's okay and there is nothing wrong with you.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

I feel this way about Trevor Strnad from The Black Dahlia Murder, I still can't believe he killed himself and there's almost no information about it whatsoever. Not even how he did it. Not even the band outright said he killed himself, but merely alluded to it by leaving the national suicide hotline number when they announced that he died.... which is just so weird to me. Why not just say he killed himself? Why do this weird morally acceptable bullshit by leaving a number?





The Black Dahlia Murder will always be one of my favorite bands, at least in (melodic) death metal and I can't believe I had the experience of seeing them live multiple times when he was still on the mic and even met him. It still to this day doesn't feel real The strangest thing about it though, is that the more I looked into it, it made more sense why he would CTB because his mom died not long after he chose to do it. I'd honestly do the same thing if my mom died.

 

[deadbidaylight]

At least you have the memories of seeing him perform live and even meeting him. Did you get a picture with him? Those are such great memories for you. I hope you hold them near and dear to your heart. I feel your pain.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

At least you have the memories of seeing him perform live and even meeting him. Did you get a picture with him? Those are such great memories for you. I hope you hold them near and dear to your heart. I feel your pain.

Yeah I did when I was 19. My mom is a news reporter and she even interviewed him. He really had a personality like no other, I wish he was still here.