Story Catching the Bus today

[golaxation]

I've been contemplating dying for quite some time now and wanted a painless method. I thought it was too hard to get SN, so I looked into over hydrating myself. I tried this three times. Yesterday was the last time I tried it and vomited and shit it all out. It actually wasn't painful like I thought it would be though, just a rush of water but it was not a viable method.

I then ordered Prague powder #1. At 300g, you would get 20g of SN; however, the other 280g would be sodium and that's a SHIT TON of sodium to ingest. It's no longer the pain I worry about (because the SN would put me out fast), but the results if I fail and I just am not sure that the powder will be reliable.

Then I thought, if I'm willing to undergo pain for a little while why not OD on caffeine pills? So then I looked into caffeine OD and I thought "that's painful but I also have to be conscious of it". And that's what has led me back full circle to the original method I thought of before I even thought of over hydration and that's Benadryl.

I spent the morning crushing up 300 pills each at 25mg which comes out to 7.5g of Benadryl. Now, it would be more likely to reduce that number to 7g because 0.5 could get lost in the crushing process. Many people have said this is a horrible way to go, but I think that depends on the person and how much is taken and with what. The lethal dose for my body would be about 3.3g and I am more than doubling that. Additionally, I'm taking it with wine to boost the sedative effects. Finally, I am also on Zoloft which it will interact with and cause MAJOR sleepiness. I had some powder get on my index finger and it has gone a little numb just from that so I think I'll end up going into a coma through the whole thing. Plus I have some antiemetics.

Not encouraging anyone else by this method because I have no idea what it'll do to you and what your experience will be like. I just needed a place where I could share that tonight I'll be drinking my last drink and will be gone.

 

[Kore]

It's clear you've made your decision, I can only hope that you find your peace. My heart goes out to you.
Will you post here again before? I was wondering if you'd want to share something with us... anything, really. A life lesson learned? A moment of your time that sticks out above all else? A secret you wished you'd gotten off your chest? I'd love to hear anything you want to share

 

[Oneness]

May your heart be filled with calm and your spirit with peace on this final journey

 

[golaxation]

It's clear you've made your decision, I can only hope that you find your peace. My heart goes out to you.
Will you post here again before? I was wondering if you'd want to share something with us... anything, really. A life lesson learned? A moment of your time that sticks out above all else? A secret you wished you'd gotten off your chest? I'd love to hear anything you want to share

I'll be here to answer anything or post as time goes on today periodically. My advice honestly is to turn to God. He loves you immensely. Even though I feel I've reached the end of this life, I hope and pray He allows me to be with him in the next one. Even if I have to spend time in purgatory, just to know that He is there and there is hope. That's really all I'm looking for is hope. There's plenty to live for in this life, but for myself I think I have reached the end. So I hope against hope that the next one is peaceful.

 

[Some place nice]

Good luck and hopefully it knocks you out before the pain starts. Have a peaceful end.

 

[Meteora]

Have a good journey and I wish you peace.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Good luck, I hope you find peace whatever happens.

 

[hetwordtmeteveel]

i wish you good luck! today would also havé been my ctb date but i was so dumb i told someone i was gonna do it and now i m stuck

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck. I hope you find peace. Safe travels!

 

[Goku Black]

I wish you all the best. Much peace to you.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

I wouldn't consider such painful methods. Why haven't you considered inert gas method?
I wish you all the best.

 

[Cat mother]

Goodbye, wish you a very peacefull end. <3

 

[Inuyasha]

Good Luck

 

[nozomu]

Though I do not wish to invalidate your wishes to go, I do not think the method you suggest is viable. In the interest of harm reduction, I would advise holding off until you find a more viable method. Anything sold OTC is not generally reliably lethal, and such overdose attempts are more likely to cause organ damage. Please reconsider today. It's better to not cause lifelong issues and injury than to make a hasty attempt.

 

[golaxation]

Though I do not wish to invalidate your wishes to go, I do not think the method you suggest is viable. In the interest of harm reduction, I would advise holding off until you find a more viable method. Anything sold OTC is not generally reliably lethal, and such overdose attempts are more likely to cause organ damage. Please reconsider today. It's better to not cause lifelong issues and injury than to make a hasty attempt.

Do you think the Prague powder is better? The sodium would destroy a lot but supposedly the SN would knock me out before I could feel any of it.

 

[evrchanging]

Though I do not wish to invalidate your wishes to go, I do not think the method you suggest is viable. In the interest of harm reduction, I would advise holding off until you find a more viable method. Anything sold OTC is not generally reliably lethal, and such overdose attempts are more likely to cause organ damage. Please reconsider today. It's better to not cause lifelong issues and injury than to make a hasty attempt.

^^this is very true, i hope you change your mind. it will be more painful to live with the aftermath of this. overdosing is very a uncomfortable experience and usually takes a really long time to work, if at all. much love, please reconsider this

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[Iva]

I wouldn't consider such painful methods. Why haven't you considered inert gas method?
I wish you all the best.

its difficult to obtain gas canisters if you are a private citizen and not a firm or company where I live.

 

[Raindancer]

I'll be here to answer anything or post as time goes on today periodically. My advice honestly is to turn to God. He loves you immensely. Even though I feel I've reached the end of this life, I hope and pray He allows me to be with him in the next one. Even if I have to spend time in purgatory, just to know that He is there and there is hope. That's really all I'm looking for is hope. There's plenty to live for in this life, but for myself I think I have reached the end. So I hope against hope that the next one is peaceful.

I too believe in God, and He does love us immensely. You will be in my prayers. I wish you God's love, comfort and peace.

 

[nozomu]

Do you think the Prague powder is better? The sodium would destroy a lot but supposedly the SN would knock me out before I could feel any of it.

The amount of sodium would likely cause you to vomit, and could cause similar issues. That's over half a pound of salt. It would likely not even go down.

I would investigate other peaceful methods. There's plenty discussed on the forums, and plenty that would not cause you extended harm. There's also the PPeH PDF which is stickied on the suicide discussion board.

Sorry that my advice means you'd stick around longer than you want to, I just genuinely don't think you'd be successful and you'd cause yourself a great deal of bodily damage, and ergo more suffering, so in the interest of harm reduction I felt the need to speak up.

 

[whitefeather]

Thankyou .