can't stand the burden of being myself

[NothingElseMatters]

i don't know where should i go from here

 

[Rational man]

I wish i could help but LIFE can be hard. I wanted to say, can you talk more openly with outside help?. Its easy for me.to say as i was okay until I got sickness and dying. The pain and suffering.has really titled my life into any means to escape.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. I know that this life can be torture. I also cannot stand being me, I wish that I never existed in the first place and I just want to be nothing. It feels so pointless me being alive. I hope that you find relief from your pain in whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[chocolatebar]

Where are you right now? Only by knowing where you stand, we can help you look for your options

 

[Foresight]

I feel you, I've never seen a more relatable sentence. I wish I knew something consoling when this is felt. I wish you comfort in some way.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

Where are you right now? Only by knowing where you stand, we can help you look for your options

30 yo in 2 weeks, moonlighting as a fucking intern, giving up on college due to depression, empty bank account, depending on others to survive and has a place to live, never had a gf. that's pretty much it. now gimme some light.

 

[chocolatebar]

now gimme some light.

Sorry if my tone sounded provocative in my last comment. If that happened, definitely wasn't the intention. I'm definitely not some sort of "coach" (I hate those people) and even less some sort of prolifer. I just feel like trying to help you because I like you. I see you around and you sound like a good person to me.

I won't pretend that you can change your thoughts and habits and miraculously get better, because not only it's unreal, but I also hate when people do that to me. I will try to address your situation pragmatically. It's also important to mention that I'm a broken person as well and some of your problems are things that I struggle with too.

Now, let's give it a try:

- Time is something terrible. It's my main problem and there's no solution for that. It's part of our human misery. However, different people have different values around it. So, if you could solve all of your other problems, would time continue to be a problem to you? THe thing is that a lot of time is required for things to change and it may me a great problem for some (like me)

- about college, how far are you in the course? Some places demand you to be present at a certain amount of classes, but other places will let you miss the classes if you manage to get a good result in the exams. The strategy is to attend to the minimum of classes, look for previous exams by your professor and study based on the model, specifically to get approved. The key is not to study any unnecessary things and spend the minimum time possible. In short, this strategy consists on aiming for just the bare minimum enough to get approved and ignore any kind of "merits" (I don't know how you call it). They spirit is "why do 100% of the requirements if 70% is enough?"

- about depression, it will depend if medications and therapy work for you. If it works, go all in, look for helping institutions and organizations, even international ones, who can help you with free treatment. If those things don't help you, it's more difficult. Do you have some energy in any moment of the day or do you stay in bed all the time? The answer is important to think about something

- about money, it's a difficult one. I'm unemployed too and I'm doing some small stuff to get some money here and there. It's not much, but some things can help us alleviate our situation. It depends a bit on where you live, because I take advantage of money conversion from richer countries. Basically, I'm writing for low quality sensationalist blogs and some clickbaity sites (I take no pride from that), doing some translations, working with some spreadsheets and I also created an online shop for some items I found out that just a few people are selling. As I said, it's not enough to live, but just something to allow me not to be 100% dependent from people

-about the gf, I don't like to talk much about it in the open, because it often leads the discussion downhill. Basically, you don't have to make yourself look different from who you are. If you try to "compete" with the successful people, you will definitely lose. Just show yourself the way you are. Another important thing is to get yourself rid of all expectations and look at people on the inside, the same way you'd want people to look at you. Be yourself and allow yourself to meet new people. Become friends first, don't approach with intentions. Let things develop between you both and then ask to go further. Respect either of the person's choice and see what happens. You may be surprised from the results.

Hey, I wrote a lot. Already overstayed in the site for today. I hope I could help you at least with something. I understand that all these things are too hard to change and that luck plays an important role. I also understand that everything requires energy and I don't know how much you have on yourself. But know that I write all these words with all my heart.

You can always pm me if you want

 

[its-about-time]

I feel ya. I'm sorry. I feel worse for anyone who knows me than I do for myself. I'm sorry anyone has to know me let alone care about someone like me.

Listen to the person who commented above me. It's shitty for me to give advice but it's true that depression gives a huge bias against hearing anything that might help. Try to push past it. Might as well.

Sending you love either way.