Omfg all my plans and preparations nearly fell apart today goddammit after like 3 delays already. My dad unexpectedly came to visit which would've thrown a big fuck off monkey wrench into everything. I couldn't get my own place or a more private spot so I need to go when everyone isn't home. After analysing the daily routines of not only my own family but the fucking neighbours too I picked out a good time and day and it all nearly came crashing down.
Then I got dragged to go out with my family. And there I was trying to fit in one last playthrough of one of my favourite games, Kingdom Hearts 3
Could you imagine: going out on the town on a Friday night by the sea with your best buds or your lover? People who should enjoy your company, people whom you matter you? People with whom you can actually live your life? I sure as hell can't. I'm trapped with my parents, everything in my life dictated by them because I can't move out-they won't let me. I can't even make the argument "I want to live my life" because I have nothing. No friends, no partner, no purpose.
Everywhere I could fucking look was just groups of friends laughing and having fun and lovers holding hands and taking pictures together. It took every fucking fibre in my fucking being not to break down in front of my family as they don't fucking understand anything. There were a few tears but I held back everything else. Thank god I'm a good faker, nobody could tell anything was up
Oh, but what about the last time this happened? That's right, I sent my friend a message to distract from everything but now she's not part of my life anymore so I got nothing to fall back on, nobody to lean on, to talk to. How marvelous! All I could you was think about my CTB date. The only things that helped me was music and typing out this vent
But I'm going soon, so it shouldn't really matter right? Since I'll be gone anyway, so why does it still hurt so damn much. It hurts like hell. I just want it to stop. I want it to end. All of it. I never wanted to go like this. Alone. Afraid but what fucking choice do I have? I've tried. Of course I tried! It didn't work! I lost my closest friend because of this!
I just can't wait to go. I just want to go. Obviously not impulsively or I might fuck up. I fucking hate it here. I want it all to end, to stop. Please
Then I got dragged to go out with my family. And there I was trying to fit in one last playthrough of one of my favourite games, Kingdom Hearts 3
Could you imagine: going out on the town on a Friday night by the sea with your best buds or your lover? People who should enjoy your company, people whom you matter you? People with whom you can actually live your life? I sure as hell can't. I'm trapped with my parents, everything in my life dictated by them because I can't move out-they won't let me. I can't even make the argument "I want to live my life" because I have nothing. No friends, no partner, no purpose.
Everywhere I could fucking look was just groups of friends laughing and having fun and lovers holding hands and taking pictures together. It took every fucking fibre in my fucking being not to break down in front of my family as they don't fucking understand anything. There were a few tears but I held back everything else. Thank god I'm a good faker, nobody could tell anything was up
Oh, but what about the last time this happened? That's right, I sent my friend a message to distract from everything but now she's not part of my life anymore so I got nothing to fall back on, nobody to lean on, to talk to. How marvelous! All I could you was think about my CTB date. The only things that helped me was music and typing out this vent
But I'm going soon, so it shouldn't really matter right? Since I'll be gone anyway, so why does it still hurt so damn much. It hurts like hell. I just want it to stop. I want it to end. All of it. I never wanted to go like this. Alone. Afraid but what fucking choice do I have? I've tried. Of course I tried! It didn't work! I lost my closest friend because of this!
I just can't wait to go. I just want to go. Obviously not impulsively or I might fuck up. I fucking hate it here. I want it all to end, to stop. Please
