Can’t find a method that works for me

[purplesky9]

First SN was going to be my method. I found DMC. Ordered three different lots of SN I was so scared it was going to get lost in the post. Then it dawned on me that because I don't have a large bowel because I have had bowel surgery I might not be able to absorb enough SN to kill me. I'd have to take a much higher dose which would just make me vomit lots. I was so disappointed. Then I thought I'd do hanging. Have had heaps of trouble with the knots. Had been tying my anchor knot first then my noose knot but found out this was turning my noose knot into a Slipknot which was not recommended. So now had to do the anchor first which is proving impossible. I also have nowhere in the house hang. Would have to get up in the middle of the night when there was no one around to go hang in a tree somewhere. I really am having the worst luck. I have also considered putting a plastic bag head. Couldn't get this to work either

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand as all I want is to be gone, I just want to never suffer ever again in this cruel, torturous existence and I see so much cruelty in how I cannot just have the option to simply cease existing in peace as all I hope for is no more pain and no more suffering, it's just so horrific to me how trying to cease existing can go wrong and lead to more suffering, I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[Yavannah]

sorry if i sound stupid but isn't SN absorbed in the small intestine and travels from there into the blood stream.
so you not having a large bowel wouldn't really be a problem?

 

[purplesky9]

Most of it is but some is absorbed in the large bowel too I think.

 

[timechained]

Yea I am with you about not finding a method that works.

For a long time I thought partial hanging/hanging was my method, practiced multiple positions, knots but only passed out once. Too Frustrating. I practiced full hang but it actually is painful and I didn't like choking on my tongue.

It is amazing how long you can stay conscious in a plastic bag for despite the bag sticking to your face. Lol Not a quick or pleasant method at all.

I have tried other methods with no success. My current method is to try food grade nitrous oxide breathed in through anaesthesia mask but the risk is if I don't die I will wake up with parts of my body paralysed. It is the only option for me left.

I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up.

 

[purplesky9]

I just want to find something that is quick and give me two much SI that I won't actually do it. Ideally it would be painless but a little bit of pain is ok as long as it's over fast.