Can’t do recovery

[cicadafriend]

It's not working out. I want to start seriously planning what I could do to ctb painlessly, no clue what method would be best. I feel horrible. I'm such a disappointment to my friends, family, and partner. Nothing I do is enough. Part of me wants to wait and see but I don't think I have any more "wait and see" left in me.

Any thoughts welcome.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

What makes you think they think you're a disappointment? How much weight do their expectations of you deserve when it comes to the decision to live or die?

 

[Circles]

It's entirely okay if you're unable to recover. If you feel like you tried you're hardest with recovery despite your struggles then at least you tried. And that's all we can do is try. Sorry you're in this situation. I'd say that you shouldn't beat yourself too much over disappointing your people and you may be overthinking things too much, but I understand that's easier said than done. Just remember recovery is hard cause suicide takes you into an infinite abyss that you can't hardly escape from. Only you can know what you want to do and if it's worth the effort to try recovery once again. In any case, I hope you can find some peace amidst the pain. Take care if you can.

 

[cicadafriend]

What makes you think they think you're a disappointment? How much weight do their expectations of you deserve when it comes to the decision to live or die?

I don't know what I want to do with my life, maybe due to apathy. Recently moved to a new city and its been hard and lonely, with me relying on my family and partner to the point where I feel like a burden on them. My family's expectations come from good intentions, I'm trying to stay in college. I just don't want to test anyone's patience anymore.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't know what I want to do with my life, maybe due to apathy. Recently moved to a new city and its been hard and lonely, with me relying on my family and partner to the point where I feel like a burden on them. My family's expectations come from good intentions, I'm trying to stay in college. I just don't want to test anyone's patience anymore.

Well your family and your partner are the people you're supposed to rely on when you're struggling and lonely. That's just being a human 101. It's hard to know what you want life to look like for you when you are just coming back from a long period of suicidal ideation. Just keep a steady course for now: sometimes to find answers you have to stumble onto them.