Can't connect with other people despite social life

[eternalappraiser]

I've been thinking about CTB again for a lot of reasons, I guess some big triggers recently were losing my job and dropping out of a whole semester. It was a good job too, at least on paper. It's all made me pretty hopeless for the future in that I'll never have a "good" life, even though on paper I should.

I have a lot of friends and people I can hang out with and from what I can tell, people do genuinely like me, but it all feels superficial and that I'm liked not out of who I am as a person but what I present myself to them as (overcaring, selfless, always fun, etc.) I tend to get abandoned and told "go to therapy" whenever I am lamenting and looking for common ground. I've never really found that common ground with anyone.

I feel connected to people that post here because it seems like we're all suffering from the same thing even if there's different causes. When I try to find that in real life it's like I'm the crazy one. I hate being told that all of us are suffering; if all of us are suffering then all of us should die because it won't happen then.

I read near death experiences and get kind of scared. But at this point, I don't really see a reason to keep going when I've been like this for the majority of my life. It feels like everyone around me is growing up and I'm stuck in the teen angst stage of thinking it's all pointless but like, it is all pointless. Everyone else seems to be able to hold it together except for me making me seem not cut out for this world.

 

[6MillionWaystoDie]

I have a lot of friends and people I can hang out with and from what I can tell, people do genuinely like me, but it all feels superficial and that I'm liked not out of who I am as a person but what I present myself to them as (overcaring, selfless, always fun, etc.) I tend to get abandoned and told "go to therapy" whenever I am lamenting and looking for common ground. I've never really found that common ground with anyone.

I feel connected to people that post here because it seems like we're all suffering from the same thing even if there's different causes. When I try to find that in real life it's like I'm the crazy one. I hate being told that all of us are suffering; if all of us are suffering then all of us should die because it won't happen then.

There are people that function and connect at superficial levels and there are people who function and connect on deeper levels. Its possible that you are primarily interacting and connecting with people who function and connect at a superficial level, such that your method of sharing and connecting is incompatible with their's. This happens a lot when strong N-type individuals try to connect with strong S-type individuals using MBTI labels.

I don't know if that's specifically the case here but I wanted to bring that to your attention. You could be labeling yourself as an oddball as opposed to labeling yourself as someone who is normal with a different set of traits. It is possible that you are primarily mingling with a type that does not function the same as yourself. In that case, comparing yourself to your friends is unfair and disparaging to the human who you were made to be.

I've been thinking about CTB again for a lot of reasons, I guess some big triggers recently were losing my job and dropping out of a whole semester. It was a good job too, at least on paper. It's all made me pretty hopeless for the future in that I'll never have a "good" life, even though on paper I should.

Sometimes people that are unhappy or have significant amounts of trauma get 'stuck' in life. Often it becomes difficult to hold it together. This is normal. Adding that to your job and school situation can make things unbearable. I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe just take some time away and just have unapologetic fun. Forget life's responsibilities for a few days or weeks.


Theres a lot going on in the world right now. It may be a good idea to try to separate the things that you can control from the things you can't. For example you could re-enroll in school if you want so its within your control. Sure it feels like you failed because it wasn't according to plan and you are now delayed. But it might be exactly what you need to continue moving forward. So maybe dropping out of school can be something you eliminate from today's worries.

As for the job, was it your dream job? Are you worried about supporting yourself and having a place to live? If neither of these are huge concerns at the moment it might be a blessing in disguise. Can you collect unemployment?

I read near death experiences and get kind of scared. But at this point, I don't really see a reason to keep going when I've been like this for the majority of my life. It feels like everyone around me is growing up and I'm stuck in the teen angst stage of thinking it's all pointless but like, it is all pointless. Everyone else seems to be able to hold it together except for me making me seem not cut out for this world.

I hear you. I agree its all pointless. But forget holding it together. Its ok to let it all out. There can be some tolerable and even worthy moments once you decide not to 'fake it until you make it.' I don't think we should have to do that. Its a form of toxic positivity and can be equally damaging to our souls.

Have you tried therapy or even changing your surroundings for a little while? Maybe take a month away and go somewhere cheap where you can try to unpack yourself and figure things out. Don't put time limits on your grief. Be kind to yourself. I often wonder if what we are taught growing up about how to cope with life keeps us in a state of perpetual self-injury.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's true that not everyone is meant for this world, at least that's the way that I've always felt. Life certainly is just a futile and pointless cycle of suffering but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Hollowman]

Not being able to connect is one of my top reasons for ctb. It sucks.