Help Can't bring myself to care to get better

[EquinoxAlchemist]

My therapist and I are talking through some stuff and I just... sometimes want to tell her to stop bothering because I don't care or want to get better. I dont want to stop self harming, even though logically i should. Logically I should be doing everything i can to make my life better, my enjoyment of the life I have but I just don't. Anyone else struggle with that and if so what helped/is helping you?

 

[ma0]

Literally exact same feelings here... I always feel bad for people who say they wish for me to get better, because truthfully I know that nothing will change. I mean, it's not like I've put much effort into improving.

It's odd, because like you said, by basic logic and reasoning we should all be aiming to improve, but for whatever reason I don't bother and don't really want to, to an extent.

Man, having to think about things fucking sucks...

 

[Vlad Tepes]

Im not looking to improve either. I just want to die. Nothing will truly get better. I will never be happy. At best (and I do mean absolute best-case), I will only be slightly less miserable. I refuse to let myself fall into the grayzone of passive suicidality that Ive spent years in. I have no shame in admitting that I want my life to be miserable enough to give me a push to kill myself. My life is objectively horrid and if I get any better (again, incredibly broad definition of "better" being applied here) I might end up becoming content with more suffering.

 

[EquinoxAlchemist]

Literally exact same feelings here... I always feel bad for people who say they wish for me to get better, because truthfully I know that nothing will change. I mean, it's not like I've put much effort into improving.

It's odd, because like you said, by basic logic and reasoning we should all be aiming to improve, but for whatever reason I don't bother and don't really want to, to an extent.

Man, having to think about things fucking sucks...

Like...we have one life, as far as we know. We have this one time, this one place to do stuff on and yet here i am wanting to get off it? Isn't the entire point of life to...idk procreate? That's what all the other animals are doing....

Im not looking to improve either. I just want to die. Nothing will truly get better. I will never be happy. At best (and I do mean absolute best-case), I will only be slightly less miserable. I refuse to let myself fall into the grayzone of passive suicidality that Ive spent years in. I have no shame in admitting that I want my life to be miserable enough to give me a push to kill myself. My life is objectively horrid and if I get any better (again, incredibly broad definition of "better" being applied here) I might end up becoming content with more suffering.

That's also a thing...define better. For everyone that looks entirely different. Reality alone is different for everyone because all of our eyes, for example, function to various degrees so we literally perceive the world differently. All of us. So what is better?

 

[lost_one]

Same bro. It sucks mine keeps telling me to "choose" to live, and to "want" to live, but like how?

I think theoretically what would help is to have a support system, you know people you like and care about and that care about you in a "healthy" way. I feel like since I hate myself and have no one and I have no higher goal or purpose there is just no point.

I am sorry you are feeling this way, it sucks. It's hard to care when no one ever cared, although I don't know if that is you case.

 

[EquinoxAlchemist]

Same bro. It sucks mine keeps telling me to "choose" to live, and to "want" to live, but like how?

I think theoretically what would help is to have a support system, you know people you like and care about and that care about you in a "healthy" way. I feel like since I hate myself and have no one and I have no higher goal or purpose there is just no point.

I am sorry you are feeling this way, it sucks. It's hard to care when no one ever cared, although I don't know if that is you case.

Sorry we're on the same boat. Least we can share a beer (or lemonade if you aren't into that). Never understood those people with a calling, like...you've really always dreamed of becoming a doctor? Of having a big family?

My family does loves me and care about me, but I've been parentalised, traumatised and never really supported with my adhd like i needed to and some other choices made by the people in control of me when i was little have lead to horribly managed adhd with severe depressive bouts, self harm issues, the inability to be vulnerable with anyone, crippling loneliness and uh...no self worth. So they love and care about me, just not exactly how i needed them to.

I hope you find your people and someone to care about you! everyone deserves that and i feel like you're a person who is easy to care about.

 

[lost_one]

Sorry we're on the same boat. Least we can share a beer (or lemonade if you aren't into that). Never understood those people with a calling, like...you've really always dreamed of becoming a doctor? Of having a big family?

My family does loves me and care about me, but I've been parentalised, traumatised and never really supported with my adhd like i needed to and some other choices made by the people in control of me when i was little have lead to horribly managed adhd with severe depressive bouts, self harm issues, the inability to be vulnerable with anyone, crippling loneliness and uh...no self worth. So they love and care about me, just not exactly how i needed them to.

I hope you find your people and someone to care about you! everyone deserves that and i feel like you're a person who is easy to care about.

We are very similar which is a bit creepy, but I appreciate the non-alcoholic option, I will take that.

 

[EquinoxAlchemist]

We are very similar which is a bit creepy, but I appreciate the non-alcoholic option, I will take that.

magnets. We are magnets, apparently. Lemonade for the win!