Can you overcome a constant negative inner monologue?

[Groundhog_Day]

I've always had anxious and negative thoughts since I can remember. Out of all my problems, the constant negative inner monologue seems like the biggest challenge.

Has anyone else managed to overcome their negative inner monologue and feel long term happiness? How did you do it?

I'm trying to remind myself that I am not my thoughts, and I can't control them, and try to not give them power and just do something productive. This works a bit, but I still have a heavy anxious feeling, and end up going back to being lost in the negative inner monologue.


Thinking about this a bit, I think I probably already know the answer.

Letting go of being attached to the inner monologue, letting go of wanting to change the past or the future, accepting awareness of the present moment - relaxing into it.

I think we often want an easy/quick solution, rather than face the hard/long term slightly boring solution. You see it often on a show like my 600 pound life, they don't want to give up the eating addiction, but facing that discomfort is the only option, other than worsening health and inevitable death.

I have to moment by moment, practice relaxed awareness, and try to be productive and not be lost in the negative inner monologue. It's not a fun answer, but a positive way to see it is that every moment is a chance to be aware and make a positive intentional choice, and you can succeed in the moment, as that is all we ever really have.

 

[milquetoast]

i haven't overcome the constant tug between myself and my own brain's negativity for years, so much so that i even had a friend outright tell me that i was way too bleak when i had a talk with them. i constantly have to bury all those emotions and thoughts deep just so i won't be such a sad sop all the time, because when i do try to show it, it's too negative for my friends and it makes me feel even more anger towards myself

 

[Groundhog_Day]

i haven't overcome the constant tug between myself and my own brain's negativity for years, so much so that i even had a friend outright tell me that i was way too bleak when i had a talk with them. i constantly have to bury all those emotions and thoughts deep just so i won't be such a sad sop all the time, because when i do try to show it, it's too negative for my friends and it makes me feel even more anger towards myself

Yeah, people often point out how anxious or worrying I am. But it's hard to change when it's just how your brain has always been wired.

Like you, I try to check what I say before I say it, to make sure it's not too negative or can be taken the wrong way. The problem is that it makes conversations very draining, and you feel like your not being your true self.

 

[milquetoast]

Yeah, people often point out how anxious or worrying I am. But it's hard to change when it's just how your brain has always been wired.

Like you, I try to check what I say before I say it, to make sure it's not too negative or can be taken the wrong way. The problem is that it makes conversations very draining, and you feel like your not being your true self.

exactly! like i can't be "me" with how bland and horrid my life is, all i can think about are the bad things that had happened before and the best i can just do is adapt to people most of the time and it doesn't feel "real" in a way, it feels like i'm manufactured slop designed to please the remaining people i have in my life somehow in some way, a last resort for people who don't have their friends available

i'm genuinely interested on how other people can just seemingly be themselves and be a joy to be around when i just feel like i'm a airhead with how i tend to overthink every response

 

[Groundhog_Day]

I'm genuinely interested on how other people can just seemingly be themselves and be a joy to be around when i just feel like i'm a airhead with how i tend to overthink every response

My brother has found Sam Harris' waking up app, very helpful. The biggest help is realising the self is an illusion. He would say you are not an airhead, you are like me and everyone else, conscious awareness in the present moment.

I think there is truth to this, but it takes a genuine daily effort to start to feel better. Daily meditation, and trying to be mindful throughout the day. Constantly observing your inner monologue without judgement.

Problem is, this takes effort and requires short term discomfort, for long term gain. I've lived my whole life seeking short term comfort for long term pain.

It's amazing how much long term pain we a willing to suffer, in order to avoid being outside our comfort zone in the present moment.

 

[Abandoned Character]

I took a tour of a very popular retreat center that hosts all sorts of workshops centered around personal growth. Things like meditation retreats, writing and art workshops, and yoga were a weekly occurence. Among these events, many "spiritual leaders" would give talks to large audiences. I got to speak with someone who works at the center and they told me something I have yet to forget. I paraphrase:

"These people would come and give these talks and you see them as a wise sage, like some kind of being that has something we must gain. And then you see them get slightly agitated, slightly anxious, and you realize they are still human just like the rest of us."

Ram Dass mentioned something similar, even noting his own neurosis that never really went away. Carl Jung would call this our "shadow," and would encourage the individual to do exactly as you say--understand that the parts of ourselves we want to hide from the world are as important to our being as the parts that we like to show off.

I like your post because I relate to it. After doing some work in meditation and study in vipassana, I continue to have the same anxious thoughts and self-criticism that I struggled with before. The "shadow" hasn't changed, but my relationship with it has a little bit. It helps that I have people in my life to share unconditional love with, I am privileged in that sense. Accepting that I am loved helps me convince myself that my mind isn't as scary as I make it out to be. The "neurotic thinking" still comes and sometimes it leaks into my words and actions in the real world, but self-compassion is what brings me back. It sounds like you are on a difficult and honorable path, I wish you the best.

 

[MindFrog]

Have you tried taking anti anxiety meds? I didn't know how much it can affect your mood but It helped me a lot. It's like it cleared all the gunk in my head. I rarely get nervous on it.

It's not a cure all without mediation and breaking the habit of overthinking but it's good start.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

My inner monologue has been telling me to kill myself for years. I'm sure some have overcome it but it is certainly hard.