Discussion Can we stay alive purely for others?

[ReadyasEver]

I'm hanging on through this dreadful disease a little longer for my family. At this stage, it is absolutely not about me, that conclusion is guaranteed. Leaving them in a good spot is what is important.

 

[AlePizarnik]

I have been having intense therapy sessions since my failed attempt. I think the therapist is running out of patience and kept repeating that "if you don't want to live, at least stay alive for your friends and family." Do you guys think it is possible to live solely for others? Or is it some kind of sick guilt tripping trick they use on their patients?

NO but even if I wanted to do that in my case there's absolutely nobody

 

[ReadyasEver]

I've tried and I have failed

I'm sorry for you. That is crushing. Peace to you.

 

[daikon]

@LostGirl Staying alive for others was my plan for a while, and it did work. Things got better for a little bit, but 2018 destroyed all my faith that life is worth living. Those six years of living for others were often very painful, but I managed to dissuade myself from really seeing suicide as an option. I worried too much what it would do to those who knew me. A lot of those people have abandoned me, so I don't really care anymore. I do have one friend I'd like to stay alive for, someone who's stuck by me through all my pain these last few months, but I don't think I can do it for much longer.

One thing that friend recommends I do is volunteer — helping others can make you feel better about yourself, and if you feel like people depend on you in one way or another, it's harder to ctb. It's hard to motivate yourself if you have depression, I know, but maybe you could look into charitable causes.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

I have been having intense therapy sessions since my failed attempt. I think the therapist is running out of patience and kept repeating that "if you don't want to live, at least stay alive for your friends and family." Do you guys think it is possible to live solely for others? Or is it some kind of sick guilt tripping trick they use on their patients?

I think it is more or less depends on your perspective and interplay on words I would agree non suicidal people do get guilt/shame tripping and trick people out of suicide either as a necessary evil for the sake of the greater good.

 

[sif]

It's possible for some people but not for others, depends on why we want to ctb.

 

[Pulpit2018]

Staying for others is fundamentally a losing strategy.That just cant be enough.
It can only make sense if for instance you are Walter White and want to leave a lot of money to your family.But only until the inevitable...

 

[OnlyMercy]

There is perhaps nothing else to which you have more of an unencumbered claim to than your own life. This is somewhat changed by bringing offspring (children) into the world as you may morally be bound to provide for them.

Otherwise, feel free to script exactly how your life will unfold and when the story ends.

 

[Othermind]

I have been having intense therapy sessions since my failed attempt. I think the therapist is running out of patience and kept repeating that "if you don't want to live, at least stay alive for your friends and family." Do you guys think it is possible to live solely for others? Or is it some kind of sick guilt tripping trick they use on their patients?

Get a new therapist. This guilt tripping that they're doing is borderline emotional abuse for a suicidal person.

To answer your question, i think it is possible, but it will wear you down until you reach your breaking point. And different people will have different levels of tolerance, it might take a month for someone to snap and two decades for someone else.

 

[Sotipoola]

It's better to live for yourself than for the happiness of others

 

[borntodie777]

No, I've tried that for 8 years and they just keep demanding more and more from you. I wouldn't comment on others but for me atleast its not worth it. The "think about your family" emotional line sounds well and good but your family doesn't have to live with your pain and mental illness, you do.

If you feel like this is it, then go ahead and do what you have to. Better your family remember you the way you were than the way you currently are.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

For the first time, I'm experiencing a real fear that I might be actually approaching the end that until now has always been somewhat of an abstract possibility.

Yup. Me too.

 

[hemonpath]

Yes. It's one of the biggest reasons people stick around, and when they can do it I commend them. It sucks balls when your SO or parent just wants to die. If you are in a good place you always feel like you should've done something more. Or even worse: By your departure you are screwing over other people because you had a supportive roll to them, whether financially or emotionally.

They are all legit stuff to pay attention to. It's why I'm going to be very careful about the day I finally catch the bus. It won't be perfect by any means, but I intend not to leave the important stuff hanging when I leave.

 

[color_me_gone]

One thing that friend recommends I do is volunteer — helping others can make you feel better about yourself, and if you feel like people depend on you in one way or another, it's harder to ctb. It's hard to motivate yourself if you have depression, I know, but maybe you could look into charitable causes.

That is very good advice, really.
Volunteer work allows your brain to release chemicals which kill depression very effectively.
Those natural chemicals work 100s of times better than any of the antidepressant drugs on the market.
Additionally, you will find yourself surrounded by other volunteers who are really genuine people, who you will find that they actually really care about YOU, as a person. Kinda like the people on this website do.

 

[Ch92921]

Get a new therapist. This guilt tripping that they're doing is borderline emotional abuse for a suicidal person.

To answer your question, i think it is possible, but it will wear you down until you reach your breaking point. And different people will have different levels of tolerance, it might take a month for someone to snap and two decades for someone else.

Genau!Exactly!

 

[SLN1096]

Something that always makes me cry is the thought of my families reaction to my death. Just think for a minute how you think they would react. Their lives would never be the same again.

 

[Redt2go]

Something that always makes me cry is the thought of my families reaction to my death. Just think for a minute how you think they would react. Their lives would never be the same again.

Yeah for me it's moreso my suicide. I think they could eventually cope with my death but not my suicide. They'd blame themselves. They already blame themselves for my depression

 

[Final Escape]

That is very good advice, really.
Volunteer work allows your brain to release chemicals which kill depression very effectively.
Those natural chemicals work 100s of times better than any of the antidepressant drugs on the market.
Additionally, you will find yourself surrounded by other volunteers who are really genuine people, who you will find that they actually really care about YOU, as a person. Kinda like the people on this website do.

Did u know it's harder to become a volunteer than to get a real job? Lol! Seems backwards

 

[Final Escape]

I guess u can stay alive for other people. I tried to do this for a while but because my own life was not improving, I didn't want to be around my friends or family anymore. I felt like the miserable failure among everybody after awhile so I dropped friends and family. Now I'm just working up the courage and preparing to ctb. I didn't want anybody to watch me slowly self destruct. I'd rather do this privately.

 

[Lara Francis]

Hello lostgirl.
I think this answer depends on the person or people you are living for.
The greatest step forward is wanting to live for yourself and until you can do that its a rocky road.
There is a massive difference between living a life for your children and having the freedom to ctb without dependants.
Having said that,children unfortunatley do not reduce your pain and suffering and i still find myself at the bus stop but i just keep missing the bus.
Thankyou for your contribution reg SN.I hope you have recovered without lasting damage and am sorry you had to go through that.
Hugs to you.x

 

[GeorgeEastman]

If you're staying alive for others, you're still just staying alive for yourself.

I use the "I'm doing it for them" to try to make myself feel good about continuing on in a life I know I need out of. Then I think they'd be better off if I just got out.

Someday, I'll only think the latter and then I'll be done.

 

[color_me_gone]

harder to become a volunteer

Are you in USA? Soup kitchens, animal shelters, road trash pick-up = no problems

 

[LostGirl]

Hello lostgirl.
I think this answer depends on the person or people you are living for.
The greatest step forward is wanting to live for yourself and until you can do that its a rocky road.
There is a massive difference between living a life for your children and having the freedom to ctb without dependants.
Having said that,children unfortunatley do not reduce your pain and suffering and i still find myself at the bus stop but i just keep missing the bus.
Thankyou for your contribution reg SN.I hope you have recovered without lasting damage and am sorry you had to go through that.
Hugs to you.x

Thanks for your insight, Lara. I agree with what you said. The problem is I do want to live for myself and my loved ones but my suffering is so great I couldn't carry on much longer. I know that's extremely selfish of me but the pain I am going through has nearly overshadowed any feelings of guilt.

I have read your posts and am very sorry to see you in such a difficult position. I wish you the best . xo

 

[Deivis]

I have been having intense therapy sessions since my failed attempt. I think the therapist is running out of patience and kept repeating that "if you don't want to live, at least stay alive for your friends and family."

What kind of treatment you've been getting? CBT? Anti-deps? I dont want to influence you, but I'd rather say to try another doctor. As other members have pointed, this particular one seems clueless.

I don't know your situation either, maybe its pure Hell, but dont give up yet.

 

[Broken]

Hello lostgirl.
I think this answer depends on the person or people you are living for.
The greatest step forward is wanting to live for yourself and until you can do that its a rocky road.
There is a massive difference between living a life for your children and having the freedom to ctb without dependants.
Having said that,children unfortunatley do not reduce your pain and suffering and i still find myself at the bus stop but i just keep missing the bus.
Thankyou for your contribution reg SN.I hope you have recovered without lasting damage and am sorry you had to go through that.
Hugs to you.x

This is where I need to get to. Living for myself. I have spent my whole life trying to please and be accepted by others and they all leave.i can only assume they leave because I'm not living for myself?

 

[Lara Francis]

Thanks for your insight, Lara. I agree with what you said. The problem is I do want to live for myself and my loved ones but my suffering is so great I couldn't carry on much longer. I know that's extremely selfish of me but the pain I am going through has nearly overshadowed any feelings of guilt.

I have read your posts and am very sorry to see you in such a difficult position. I wish you the best . xo

I do not believe you are selfish as nobody else lives with your pain and suffering on the daily basis as you have to endure.Everybody has a breaking point which was clearly reached as you had attempted.
I think you should just take a breather for now before making any decisions.

 

[LostGirl]

What kind of treatment you've been getting? CBT? Anti-deps? I dont want to influence you, but I'd rather say to try another doctor. As other members have pointed, this particular one seems clueless.

I don't know your situation either, maybe its pure Hell, but dont give up yet.

Yup, have tried all that plus ECT, working out, yoga, diet, even moving abroad etc. Have seen countless docs and therapists but nothing seems to help.

 

[Philip]

I learn to trust no one, disappear when not needed, and take whatever abuse that came my way.

Sounds EXACTLY like me

 

[Ntothed]

We can and we will. If it were not for other individuals life would be purposeless. Obviously we live for those who surround us wether it be family, significant others or our family.

Life is TOUGH. That's the truth, but when you look at the big picture, no one lives for themselves. We all live for the people we love the most, even if it causes us pain.

The question really comes down to wether or not you can survive through your own pain to make the ones you care about happy, even though your pain is a struggle day in and day out.

KEEP PLUGGING.

 

[Final Escape]

We can and we will. If it were not for other individuals life would be purposeless. Obviously we live for those who surround us wether it be family, significant others or our family.

Life is TOUGH. That's the truth, but when you look at the big picture, no one lives for themselves. We all live for the people we love the most, even if it causes us pain.

The question really comes down to wether or not you can survive through your own pain to make the ones you care about happy, even though your pain is a struggle day in and day out.

KEEP PLUGGING.

No! my plugging days are over lol!