Can´t be happy for my friends having kids

[Britvik]

Sorry, until I see otherwise, I can't. Please show me these truly happy parents.

I'm sure they will.

I don't care, but I would like to be able to ask that question nonetheless. Why is it fine for people with kids to ask me why I don't have them? And of course I have to lie to not hurt their feelings. And it's much much worse for women without kids. Look at childfree on reddit, and you'll see how women without children are constantly harassed for their choice.

It's like the people with kids can't stand that people are actually happy and free.

Please acknowledge the points I make, so I know you understand them. I said that people are happy and sad whether they have kids or not. Do you understand this point?

It isn't fine that people ask you why you don't have kids. It's really none of their business. Personally, I don't mind if you ask me why I have kids. I'll happily explain it to you and it doesn't bother me whether you think my reasons are good or not. I'm content with humans being different, unique individuals. I don't mind that you prefer not to have children. However, I do mind if you criticise me for my decision to have them because it's really none of your business. Do you understand this point?

 

[summers]

Please acknowledge the points I make, so I know you understand them. I said that people are happy and sad whether they have kids or not. Do you understand this point?

Actually, I kind of missed that. Totally clear now. And this does make perfect sense.

It isn't fine that people ask you why you don't have kids. It's really none of their business. Personally, I don't mind if you ask me why I have kids. I'll happily explain it to you and it doesn't bother me whether you think my reasons are good or not. I'm content with humans being different, unique individuals. I don't mind that you prefer not to have children. However, I do mind if you criticise me for my decision to have them because it's really none of your business. Do you understand this point?

Understand this too. Like I said, I don't care because it doesn't affect me. I hope you're happy, although considering you're on a suicide forum...

 

[Britvik]

Actually, I kind of missed that. Totally clear now. And this does make perfect sense.

Understand this too. Like I said, I don't care because it doesn't affect me. I hope you're happy, although considering you're on a suicide forum...

Great! Thank you for taking the trouble to reply and thank you for your honesty.

To be clear: I'm not suicidal. I don't think you have to be, do you? At least it doesn't say in the rules that you must want to end your life.

 

[summers]

To be clear: I'm not suicidal. I don't think you have to be, do you? At least it doesn't say in the rules that you must want to end your life.

No, and that's a good point. There are people on here for support in the recovery section. Also people started out suicidal and have since recovered.

I'm glad we have members who don't want to end their lives. This place can be both supportive, but brutally heartbreaking when one friend after another takes that trip. Sometimes we need someone who sees value in living, and who will be here when we're gone.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

All I'm saying is it would be nice to finally be able to ask someone "what exactly are you getting out of having a kid?" Then, when the person replies with "someone to love me" or "someone for me to love" I can be honest and tell them just how pathetic it is to want love from someone who doesn't have a choice.

Sometimes I want children and most times not. I have no illusions but that it's to scratch the evolutionary itch of emitting progeny into the world with the accompanying anticipation of watching it grow into an adult and getting to relive the best times of life. Mentally I never moved beyond my late teens so I would have to convince myself that I'm friends with my teen son's friends and be one of the lads hanging out and playing games. I bet the responsibilities of parenthood would forcefully mature me but I'm not so sure.

It all depends on life outlook. If you're like LooksMaximus and intent on living fast and short whoremaxxing then children are nonsense. However long-haulers need children to keep them going into old age and reinvigorate their lives and pick out an ideal senior care facility when decrepitude sets in. Plus it probably feels good to love someone and then make another meatbag who looks like you and your only one stepped into the Fly teleporter and came out mixed together on the other end.

 

[CrazyMary]

Can I ask why you've shared this?
I'm not trying to be judgemental, I'm just curious.

Felt weird not being happy for them and can´t understand how others can be happy for their friends in those cases. Though I know on the bottom several think the same way as I do.

You don't have to be happy that someone has had a child. But, doesn't it make you happy that someone else has found some happiness?

Being honest is admirable. But, it doesn't necessitate that you go around putting others down, judging them for wanting to be happy and doing something you don't want to do, just because that's how you might feel. In such situations, it might just be better to keep your thoughts to yourself, so as not to add to the negativity in the world. Most people here think the world is a miserable enough place as it is. Why add to it?

Agree but in a lot of cases you are judged if you a renot happy or you have to pretend to be happy. Stupid traditions like go meet the baby and thing slike thta. If you don´t go and say nice things those friends will get mad at u. So why should I be happy if I dont feel it and why should I say what I dont feel.

Please acknowledge the points I make, so I know you understand them. I said that people are happy and sad whether they have kids or not. Do you understand this point?

It isn't fine that people ask you why you don't have kids. It's really none of their business. Personally, I don't mind if you ask me why I have kids. I'll happily explain it to you and it doesn't bother me whether you think my reasons are good or not. I'm content with humans being different, unique individuals. I don't mind that you prefer not to have children. However, I do mind if you criticise me for my decision to have them because it's really none of your business. Do you understand this point?

People are happy and sad on both cases agree. There is a happyness index that shows you your happyness will be the same during your life with or without kids. To each their own decision my point here was just having kids when there is a high chance they might have not have a good life. Extreme example but you think it´s a good idea if to have kids if you and your partner are terminally ill and won´t live to see the kids tenth bday? Might be good for u but not for them.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Neither can I be happy about others having children, but for a different reason. It's because of envy, since it seems I will never be able to afford to have children of my own. Well, I envy other parents in situations where they can a afford a comfortable upbringing, that is. When they can't afford it, then yes I feel annoyed and sad on behalf of the child who will have to endure a frugal childhood and miss out on certain experiences which money can buy. However, I do my best to remember that there is no free choice in this universe, so while I dislike the choice they made, I also remember that it wasn't actually a choice in the ultimate sense.

 

[whatevs]

Neither can I be happy about others having children, but for a different reason. It's because of envy, since it seems I will never be able to afford to have children of my own. Well, I envy other parents in situations where they can a afford a comfortable upbringing, that is. When they can't afford it, then yes I feel annoyed and sad on behalf of the child who will have to endure a frugal childhood and miss out on certain experiences which money can buy. However, I do my best to remember that there is no free choice in this universe, so while I dislike the choice they made, I also remember that it wasn't actually a choice in the ultimate sense.

I´m mostly an antinatalist but surprisingly I find myself in a similar boat, as I realize people having a stable relationship and kids normally means they have health, intimacy and community, which I almost completely lack. So more than kids themselves, which on another note I normally really enjoy spending time with, I feel the sting of imagining the periphery of achieving reproduction , which is normally a biologically, socially succesful existence.