Can someone respond im just so lonely

[etherealdemise]

Homeschooled all my life abused and I have no one who loves me except my mother who is alwasy hurtful and overbearing. Im so stupid that I cant even figure out how to kill myself . get this im 19 and completely dependant on my mom no money of my own or a job ever. graduated hs a year late because i had to join when i was 17 prior to which i had no schooling. life is so pointless and stupid. fuck i want to die i have nothing and no one

 

[dolemitedrums]

How you doing. 19...you are still incredibly young and still have all kinds of roads open to you if you want to go for it. Home schooled is weird stuff so you got off to a weird start. But for most people life begins after high school anyway.

 

[snowbird]

Overbearing parents can be totally suffocating, I understand that and you have my deepest sympathy for your situation.
I'm guessing there are no other family members where you maybe could crash for a while? Grandparents, aunts/uncles, siblings perhaps?
19 is far too young to have a fcked up life already, it's so sad that your mom drove you to this point. Does she not realize what she's doing to you?

 

[etherealdemise]

How you doing. 19...you are still incredibly young and still have all kinds of roads open to you if you want to go for it. Home schooled is weird stuff so you got off to a weird start. But for most people life begins after high school anyway.

what road is worth living for. nothing sounds good. dont want to be a wage slave... im lonely yet i cant stand people

Overbearing parents can be totally suffocating, I understand that and you have my deepest sympathy for your situation.
I'm guessing there are no other family members where you maybe could crash for a while? Grandparents, aunts/uncles, siblings perhaps?
19 is far too young to have a fcked up life already, it's so sad that your mom drove you to this point. Does she not realize what she's doing to you?

she thinks she's in the right + i have autism so im already fucked in that way. she doesnt listen she just wants to put me in a psych ward if i vocalize my feelings. im too stupid to even figure out how to get my license or a job

 

[dolemitedrums]

what road is worth living for. nothing sounds good. dont want to be a wage slave... im lonely yet i cant stand people

At 19 I don't know if I had seen enough to even make that determination...and I wasn't constrained to home schooling. What are your hobbies? What are you good at? What would you like to try?

 

[snowbird]

she thinks she's in the right + i have autism so im already fucked in that way. she doesnt listen she just wants to put me in a psych ward if i vocalize my feelings. im too stupid to even figure out how to get my license or a job

Oh dear, that is quite unfortunate. However, you do realize that she's controlling you and you don't like being threatened this way and that already, is a sign of strength and autonomy in my eyes. You identified the problem, which is the first step into making a change.
I don't believe you are stupid. You've just not been presented with possible solutions. I can't give concrete advice here, sadly, because obviously every country's laws are different.
However, what I'd warmly advice you to do, is try to make a phone call to a help hotline. Wait until your mom is out of the house for shopping or similar stuff. Go online and google help hotlines for your country and make this call.
I know it'll be awkward and it's by far not an easy thing to do, to take matters into your own hand and demand to be given the helping advice that you need. But I don't know if you have a different option right now if you're more or less isolated and cannot reach out to other family members or friends etc.